What to wear to not feel frumpy when...

[batmanladybird]

I feel a bit lost

1 I am overweight (joining boot camp
To fiz this)

2 I wfh so have little need for smart

3 I live in the country so smart shoes etc and suede don't really as it's muddy

4 my social life is basically dead

5 finances pretty dire too

I am 44, perimenopausal and feeling like I am about to turn completely invisible

@actiongirl1978

I am you, though I also do go out to work in a local school very part time. Most days is housework, walking the dogs/dog training/school runs.

I always wear a good pair of black sports leggings which work with wellies and walking boots, plus white trainers for school runs etc.

I have several very good wool jumpers - J Crew etc plus cashmere that I buy from ebay. If I'm just in the local rural village I'll wear this with wellies and a didriksons coat. If I'm on school run I have a navy wool pea coat that smartens it all up.

I appreciate that this isn't necessarily stylish in the extreme, but it is smart enough, forgiving of mud, practical for walking, keeps me warm in the house during the daytime and makes me look presentable to local people and other mums.

I should add that a lot of the mums wear a similar get up - sometimes a barbour jacket, sometimes skinny jeans (because mom jeans don't work in wellies!).

If Im going out I have some whistles blouses that I bought on ebay that I wear with grey marks and Spencer jeans and white trainers or a pair of ballet shoes. Or I buy whistles/cos dresses on ebay as I know the sizing suits me. I rarely pay more than £15 an item and I have a wardrobe full of gorgeous dresses (mainly summer ones as I can wear dresses to walk the dogs in the summer).

Does this help at all?

I do find a vast amount of my wardrobe on ebay so that might work for you.

@actiongirl1978 - interesting about the Whistles blouses - I've got a gorgeous Whistles top (more for day) and a lovely embellished Whistles long sleeved top but I need to hunt down their blouses too. Good shout.

My SIL looks amazing in their blouses with just jeans.

If you're on a budget too - I consistently - even in my small Sainsburys - find nice jumper dresses there or other items - so their TU range.

@Taoneusa

Have you thought about heat tech tights and undergarments so you can wear the dresses that you actually like?

Heat tech from uniqlo, their ultra chaud base layers are seriously good.

This is exactly what I was going to say. Much warmer than jeans.

Primark also do fleece lines leggings and warm tights.

@Gonnagetgoing I just need to nail a new pair of jeans now. My grey marks and spencer Harper jeans are disintegrating and I love the cut but the blues don't suit me.

But yes the blouses are smart. I found a silk one on ebay for £15 before Xmas, it has gold thread in and looks v luxe and special occasion - but equally I wore it to a school event too and didn't feel over dressed.

@batmanladybird I think focusing on really nice, good quality every day clothes would be a good start.

I am naturally really drawn to more formal / going out clothes. I love things like wool trousers or a lovely dress etc and when I was working in the office I always had gorgeous work-wear.

But now I am partly working from home and I've realised I have a big gap in my wardrobe so I am focusing on sorting that, but with the same level of care that I used to give to the other clothes.

I am starting with outdoor practical stuff as I realised I had none. I have ordered a rain jacket and walking boots and will add a fleece and walking trousers & hat to this over the coming weeks.

My logic is making sure I get out for a walk will help me lose the lock-down weight and once that starts kicking in I can tackle the rest of the wardrobe.

I need new jeans and knitwear / sweatshirts and lots of new basics like vest tops, long sleeved tops, socks etc.

I also need lounge wear and slippers

I have a list and feel really focussed!

Good luck

Superdry have some nice long hoody dresses, these look good with thick tights and ankleboots plus a scarve, are warm and comfy, l wear mine alot this time of year some are listed in the sale now, and l got a nice navy one from Amazon.
Also Amazon do some nice black bootcut yoga trousers , these are without a doubt the comfiest trousers l own, they are described as buttersoft and they really are, they look quite smart, can be worn with anything, wash well and dont need ironing,.l now have 3 pairs.The make of them is Move Beyond and they have fantastic reviews.
I would also have a look on Roman online, they have some quite nice reasonable casual day dresses on there, plus tops and trousers.

Go onto second hand sites like Vinted, where a little money goes a long long way. It just makes the whole thing more doable, mistakes less daunting, and you can try new stuff out.
You can search by brand, size etc. very user friendly. It’s given me a new relationship with my wardrobe

Following for the ideas

My taste is definitely more urban than country so feel free to ignore. I’d start with a jersey / knitted midi dress in a good neutral colour for you - I found a black one from JL for £40. It’s shown here with trainers but you could add warm tights / leggings with chunky ankle boots or flat knee boots ( not too tapered in at the ankle). Add a knee length coatigan and a long scarf / knitted hat. You could also look at an oversized puffa coat with a hood. I just found a nice green one for my sister who is rural and horsey. You could also wear that dress with a smart knee length coat or a shorter jacket when it’s warmer.

I feel a bit like that too OP. I'm 50. Perimenopausal - tick. Live rurally - tick. No social life - tick. I don't wfh, but I'm a supply teacher, so not exactly glam . I've never exactly had my finger on the fashion pulse though tbh

I normally go for neutrals but recently bought a vivid mustard velvet jacket/coat. I love it and it perks me up every time I wear it!

Also, I am uninspired or intimidated by the looks of virtually all fashion instagrammers, but really really like thesilverkat (I think that's the right name). Love practically every one of her outfits and feel like I could actually wear them and not look stupid!

I wanted to add that frumpiness is definitely a state of mind not a size or an age. I’m 51 and a size 16 and I’m not frumpy. I enjoy clothes and fashion and I’m confident in my skin. I can definitely remember feeling absolutely invisible a few years ago though so I totally understand that feeling. For me exercising makes me feel good regardless of weight loss. I would also look for things you can do to make you feel good that don’t cost a lot - dry skin brushing, a hair mask, getting out, Seeing friends and laughing etc. A smidge of make-up if you like it ( I recommend Glossier if you want some “no make-up” looks).

are there any charity shops near you in more affluent towns ? if you are trying to lose weight dont go buying new stuff.
My daughter manages to find some cracking stuff, and I do too if I go to my mums village.
other than that, as other have said.
good hair cut and styly you can manage yourself.
hoik up the boobs, which for me is the frumpy zone if they are not supported !
get the eyebrows sorted but dont go' Essex' mad

Best clothes that suit your shape and colour. Buy clothes that fit - try not to squeeze into a size 10, if 12 is a better fit.

Also, sometimes buyer fewer items but better quality helps.

Finally, buy what you love. It may not be the height of fashion, but if you like it, buy it. We all have different tastes. Some people like the classic look, others more retro, and others like a rock chic look. Embrace your style, not other peoples style.

“ I wanted to add that frumpiness is definitely a state of mind not a size or an age. I’m 51 and a size 16 and I’m not frumpy. ”

So true.