Finding your style - musing about wasted money and mistakes

[WoodSageandSeasalt]

I’m in bed with covid so got time in my hands and been thinking about how much money I’ve wasted over the years on clothes that didn’t suit me - looking back at old photos definitely backs this up.

I’m determined to be more mindful about what I buy but not sure where to start. How do you get your head round all the past mistakes and start afresh?

Following - thanks OP!

Just us then @MadameSapphire 😂 Hopefully some stylish people will be along later to join the thread…

🤣 Fingers crossed @WoodSageandSeasalt - there are usually some brilliantly helpful peeps who regularly post here! 🤞🏼

Marie Kondo would say something along the lines of valuing what you learned from the garments that didn’t work for you. For example, this year I’ve learnt that I hate elasticated waists and matter how much I might think that I like the piece and how useful it’ll be, an elasticated waist = a hard no. I’ve also learned that online shopping does not work for me.

I don't think you can really get bogged down with how much you've wasted, that horse has bolted. Also we do evolve over time so we don't always know exactly what will work today.

Maybe better to focus on what does work in your wardrobe and buy more of it, eg I have realised I tend to get distracted with quirky stuff, say a patterned bomber jacket, that is hard to wear, and now focus on basics as they can be worn more ways and end up being much value for money

I was thinking this today. The frustrating thing is I keep making the mistakes! I recently had my colours done and have bought a couple of tops which I wore immediately but thr style is wrong.

The more successful purchases I have had are where I have said does this go with at least 3 other things in my wardrobe? Most go with more but for example I was on the fence about a skirt and I have only kept it as I can make it work with 3 existing tops.

I am starting afresh with my wardrobe and it will take me a long time to be happy with it. In the past I have either just shopped and bought randomly nice looking things or gone for a practical shop and not put thought into it.

Also knowing what suits my shape. There are lots of guides online for how to dress for your shape. I paid for an online analysis which has been well worth it as it is saving me time when building a capsule wardrobe. Somehow its much easier when someone else says this suits your shape, than when I am seeing things I like and thinking does it or doesn't it look good.

The other thing that I am finding helpful is to broadly stick with a tonal direction, whether that be warm, cool, soft, bright etc. Mine is warm-neutral and bright.

I definitely think there is a structured way to shop - what needs replacing when its worn, what needs buying so that it will give you 3-4 more outfits with what you already have etc.

I will whisper this, but I am about to send back a whole heap of things that I have ordered in the past few weeks. Total value around 1500.
Material not nice, colours not good, too big, too see-through & at the moment I have nowhere to wear most of the things anyway.
I was particularly disappointed by a Boss trouser suit, expensive, but poor quality. For the price I can have one made.
I blame it on working from home and no social life.
Hope you feel better very soon.

Following

I try to think:
Cut - does it suit me
Fabric - natural fibres
Colour - does it suit me and in my palette
Fit- does it fit me (now. Not if I lose weight)
Does it fill a gap, or is it a good upgrade for one I already have in which case o get rid of the old one

@LiveFromNewYork

I don't think you can really get bogged down with how much you've wasted, that horse has bolted. Also we do evolve over time so we don't always know exactly what will work today.

Maybe better to focus on what does work in your wardrobe and buy more of it, eg I have realised I tend to get distracted with quirky stuff, say a patterned bomber jacket, that is hard to wear, and now focus on basics as they can be worn more ways and end up being much value for money

I do this.

My resolution for 2022 is to sort out my wardrobe, but in a no spend way.

Step 1 will be to do a brutal clearout of things I don't wear, and try to work out where I go wrong when I buy clothes. I have things that I would like to wear, but in reality never do - these are pointless.

Where possible, I will sell those items, and put the money I get from them in a specific account.

Then, whatever I have in that account will be my budget for buying a smaller number of easy to wear clothes that will fit me well, and which I will wear often. I'm aiming to buy second hand as much as possible, to stretch the budget.

get distracted with quirky stuff, I mean

I shop far too much, but I feel like things have shifted about a bit since March 2020. Previously I went to work, spent time at home, and also socialised, which has changed a lot. Now I am mainly working from home, and socialising a lot less, so I try and think on my wardrobe in those terms. So some lessons from there:

Thinking about what colours and shapes look good on a screen - I'm a lecturer so when I'm teaching remotely the camera is on
Thinking about being warm and comfy at my chilly kitchen table
Not buying loads of fancy going out stuff, because I'm now more likely to meet a friend for lunch during the day than go out in the evening
Spending money on stuff for knocking about at home - joggers, cosy socks etc - when I am not working

I think I am pretty good at knowing which styles/shapes/colours suit me - I'm a hippy size 10, so high waists are good, and boxy tops. I was delighted to get rid of skinny jeans because they always looked shit on me. Equally, I know there are things that might look nice on hangers, but I will never wear - floral prints or anything "ditsy" for example.

Lastly, I figured out a few years ago where to spend money and where to skimp. Because of my shape, cheap jeans/trousers tend not to look great, so I buy those from Levi's and Whistles which size by waist. I am also happy to pay more for nice knitwear (Arket, Cos, And Other Stories) which I can wear year after year. Summer stuff like t-shirts and dresses I am much more likely to pick up in H&M or Zara.

Oh, also I HATE feet. So no matter how much I spend on beautiful sandals, I will not wear them outside the garden!

If you spent £x pn a night out and didn't enjoy it, you'd feel no guilt so why feel bad about spending £x on a garment that didn't work for you?

Pass it on to someone who'll use it

Buy only things that you look fabulous in. If you try it on and don't say wow!, don't buy it. Don't buy it just because it's on sale, practical and oh well it will do, but it's a bit meh. This does not mean you have to buy ballgowns only of course, you can look great in a T-shirt, if it's the right cut, colour and quality.

Thinking about what colours and shapes look good on a screen

Love to know the answer to this please.

@MistySkiesAfterRain

Thinking about what colours and shapes look good on a screen

Love to know the answer to this please.

This is just me, so take it with a pinch of salt - it’s purely based on trial and error

Black or dark blocky colours are a no, they make you (me) look like a dark block
Little prints are hard on the eyes and can go a bit strobe-y. So no small polka dots, dogtooth checks etc
High necks (like polo neck type) make you (me!) have a double chin even if you don’t really in real life when you look in the mirror
Really chunky knitwear (my absolute favourite) can make you (me) look beefy, especially at the upper arms

On a more positive note…

Block colours that are bright work well
Chunky-ish/wide stripes look good
A crew neck tee with a v-neck cardi is great (but maybe not if you have a more formal job)
Necklaces with short chains, preferably layered

Pick a flattering Teams background - mine at the moment is a field of crocuses so even black looks okay against it
Brows and lips are all people are really looking at in video calls - basically enough to give your (my) face a bit of definition and not look like a potato

If all else fails, a cat is a useful foil

youtube.com/c/Justineleconte

This woman is really good for explaining the hows and whys of clothing and shoes. She gives useful advice.

I also like youtube.com/c/madeyoulooks
She reused the same pieces in different ways. Makes more sense than constantly watching someone's 'new haul' tryons. She's not everyone's taste but it's worthwhile finding subscribe with the same ethos of reuse but in your own style choice.

Over the last few years I've recorded all my clothes purchases on Pinterest and it's been really useful to review and think about what has been a good buy and what hasn't. I also save pictures of clothes I'm thinking about purchasing and try not to make impulsive buys.

I agree with a previous poster about only buying if you feel great in it when you try it on. If you feel "meh" don't bother.

No 1 tip, work out which colours suit you, makes a massive difference! I had my colours done years ago so when I go into a shop I know to avoid all the cool colours like black, purple grey etc. Also, my clothes now all go with each other which makes dressing much easier. There's a good website about colour matching, I'll have a look for you.

Here you go, well worth a read. And hope you feel better soon.

www.truth-is-beauty.com/

I don't beat myself up for clothing mistakes any more than I dwell on all the bad restaurants I've eaten in or all the books and films I've sat through bored senseless. They're part of life and mistakes are how we learn.

So my first bit of advice would be to have a good laugh at those photos. But then I would go through them more closely and look out for the repeat mistakes. Mine are: choosing clothes for a life I don't have, spending too much on the wrong items and then not having enough left for basics, keeping things for best and more recently, bad underwear. Yours may be different.

I've worn plenty that's not suited me, mostly in my late teens and early 20s. It doesn't help that my weight goes up and down a lot. I can never get skirts right. But yet I look great in a dress. I messed up last summer by jumping on the maxi dress band wagon. I do not suit one or feel comfortable in one. My legs are my best bit so I do need to show them off. I give the clothes away that I don't wear. I do feel bad about the money wasted but I try to move on and think of the joy they've brought to others. I did go through my clothes the other day and have a bag for charity. Mostly full of mistakes I made in desperation.

Actually, I always wore mini skirts out clubbing but now I wouldn't feel comfortable in one, any longer skirts than a mini and I feel like I've aged 20 years....

@Judystilldreamsofhorses

I shop far too much, but I feel like things have shifted about a bit since March 2020. Previously I went to work, spent time at home, and also socialised, which has changed a lot. Now I am mainly working from home, and socialising a lot less, so I try and think on my wardrobe in those terms. So some lessons from there:

Thinking about what colours and shapes look good on a screen - I'm a lecturer so when I'm teaching remotely the camera is on
Thinking about being warm and comfy at my chilly kitchen table
Not buying loads of fancy going out stuff, because I'm now more likely to meet a friend for lunch during the day than go out in the evening
Spending money on stuff for knocking about at home - joggers, cosy socks etc - when I am not working

I think I am pretty good at knowing which styles/shapes/colours suit me - I'm a hippy size 10, so high waists are good, and boxy tops. I was delighted to get rid of skinny jeans because they always looked shit on me. Equally, I know there are things that might look nice on hangers, but I will never wear - floral prints or anything "ditsy" for example.

Lastly, I figured out a few years ago where to spend money and where to skimp. Because of my shape, cheap jeans/trousers tend not to look great, so I buy those from Levi's and Whistles which size by waist. I am also happy to pay more for nice knitwear (Arket, Cos, And Other Stories) which I can wear year after year. Summer stuff like t-shirts and dresses I am much more likely to pick up in H&M or Zara.

@Judystilldreamsofhorses - interesting re your comments re clothes here.

I've always liked more expensive jeans and trousers, but have got away with H&M, M&S in the past. Agreed re knitwear - not so much for me but more for my SIL - I prefer & Other Stories for knitwear.

Agreed on H&M or Zara for t-shirts and dresses.

Your style is different to me though - I like high waists but not boxy tops. I also like florals and ditsy prints but also love bold colours and tailoring, the odd nice tailored jacket. Skinny jeans have always been good for me too but want to try a nice barrel shape too.

Thanks all, this is really interesting. I think for me it's a confidence thing, I don't love how I look and use clothes to try and portray how I'd like to be seen but then I don't always feel comfortable - physically or in general. I'm sure a lot of people do this.

I am also bad for thinking a particular item will transform my wardrobe, being unable to find it so settling for a not quite right version. I definitely need to only buy things I really love. And when I do find them actually wear them, not save them for an occasion that never happens!