Finding your style - musing about wasted money and mistakes

[WoodSageandSeasalt]

I’m in bed with covid so got time in my hands and been thinking about how much money I’ve wasted over the years on clothes that didn’t suit me - looking back at old photos definitely backs this up.

I’m determined to be more mindful about what I buy but not sure where to start. How do you get your head round all the past mistakes and start afresh?

I don't beat myself up for clothing mistakes any more than I dwell on all the bad restaurants I've eaten in or all the books and films I've sat through bored senseless. They're part of life and mistakes are how we learn.

Absolutely. And also, human beings are constantly changing - as a species and day by day as individuals. Every time you buy a piece of clothing you’re responding to an idea you have of yourself at that moment. That can never be an exact science. If you repeatedly bought exactly the same clothes from the age of say, 30, to 90 there would inevitably be moments when those items suddenly looked like mistakes. Body shape, lifestyle, context all evolve. And we have to constantly experiment with new shapes, colours, proportions because most shops don’t sell exactly the same piece without variation, endlessly.

Those ‘mistakes’ really are just part of being alive. You have all of eternity to be infallible.

I do know what suits me, (5ft10 size 14 to 16, large boobs, slim legs/arms, bit of a tummy) but I can get carried away with trends, for me I need v neck tops/dresses unless I'm wearing it under something else e.g a roll neck under a v neck dress. My perfect shape dress is v neck, goes in at the waist then flows out gently. Stops a few inches above the knee. I have no waist so I definitely need a dress that gives me shape. A few years back the fit and flare/skater shape was perfect for me. I always wear skinny jeans, the boyfriend/girlfriend just add lbs on me. I have big boobs so I need tshirts that are reasonably fitted otherwise my whole upper half looks like the size of my boobs. Like a barrel shape. I wish I could embrace the tshirt tucked in look but I'm so super conscious of my thick waist and tummy. Shirts are a no as they never fit my boobs, but strangely I love a belted shirt dress! I've bought many shirts that have been worn once only to be given away. I embraced the wireless bra though. For chilled out days at home, I have 2 wired moulded cups for when I go out out.

Footwear, I love trainers New Balance old school style or addidas. But my ultimate footwear is a suede ankle boot, I love a tea dress, especially ditsy print and a cardigan. I'm so stuck in the early 2000s! 😂

Is getting your colours done still a thing ? and this is a genuine question I am not taking the piss !
and if so where as I am 52 and should get my finger out !

It’s really interesting when people talk about what they need in terms of “ I need a V neck “ or “I can’t wear horizontal stripes” as if we are just a series of flaws that need to be corrected. Much better to be “ I love dungarees” “ I want a silk shirt because it feels great”etc. OP I think you’d like this book The Curated Closet which is about finding your style. I have a few books like this but this is my favourite.

anuschkarees.com/curatedcloset

@Floisme my list is pretty much the same as yours!
I love nice clothes, I am pretty confident I know what suits me and I have a broad style etc. However, I tend to veer towards lovely things that work for going to work and then stuff for going to dinner / out with friends etc and I have very little for more casual wear.

I also piled on some weight in the past year so lots of my lovely lockdown purchases don't fit me. I have decided that 2022 is the year I get fit and as a by product will shed the weight. I am walking and cycling and have lost 6lbs already so on the right path. I'd like to lose 1.5 / 2stone.

I have also decided to not buy any more occasion or work clothes a and to focus my spending on decent weekend / at home clothes and outdoor walking stuff.

I have ordered a lovely Helly Hansen waterproof walking jacket and Merrell walking boots - both in nice colours and I will add to this next with fleece (don't own one); trousers for walking / hat / gloves / socks - all for that purpose so I have no excuse not to get out and about no matter what the weather.

Then I will focus on everyday basics. I'd like some nice new jeans and jumpers and lots of under-tops - vests, t-shirts etc

I'm actually really excited as I've never approached shopping like this before and I am currently walking in Dh's ancient discarded rain jacket with a broken zip and old trainers.

I love the idea of having a wardrobe that is actually equipped for the life I am leading right now and not some imaginary life...

And hopefully by summer I will be back in all my gorgeous new buys from last year! So it's win win

I have also ruthlessly cleared out my wardrobe of stuff I am tired of, mostly nice brands like Whistles, Reiss, Sezane etc and I am selling it online and I will use that money to restock my basics.

[quote Divebar2021]It’s really interesting when people talk about what they need in terms of “ I need a V neck “ or “I can’t wear horizontal stripes” as if we are just a series of flaws that need to be corrected. Much better to be “ I love dungarees” “ I want a silk shirt because it feels great”etc. OP I think you’d like this book The Curated Closet which is about finding your style. I have a few books like this but this is my favourite.

anuschkarees.com/curatedcloset[/quote]
I mean, ideally a low neckline suits me otherwise my boobs look huge and matronly. I've obviously bought and worn other necklines but 9 time out of 10 a low neckline looks the best. At the moment I'm wearing a high neckline tshirt and a huge oversize cardigan both stripy! But I wouldn't necessarily wear this to go out for dinner in, or to the pub. It's just my lounge wear. 😊

@BusterGonad

Oh I understand exactly ….. I’m also blessed in the bosom department. I’m also old enough to remember Trinny & Susannah who were pretty prescriptive about rules. Essentially it was all about looking slimmer or taller or disguising your stomach. Of course there’s nothing wrong with wanting to do these things but clothes should be fun. Getting dressed should be fun. I know what is the most slimming outfits to wear ( probably fitted with heels, deep v neck etc etc) but a lot of the time I just go for what I fancy wearing and stop obsessing about how big my derrière looks. The book I linked to isn’t about those kinds of style rules

Good old Trinny and Susanah! I do belive I'm a Goblet shape! So legs out, boobs out, low cut jeans so they are nice and tight on the legs and hips but allow room for my tummy, wrap tops and dresses! 😂

*This is just me, so take it with a pinch of salt - it’s purely based on trial and error

Black or dark blocky colours are a no, they make you (me) look like a dark block
Little prints are hard on the eyes and can go a bit strobe-y. So no small polka dots, dogtooth checks etc
High necks (like polo neck type) make you (me!) have a double chin even if you don’t really in real life when you look in the mirror
Really chunky knitwear (my absolute favourite) can make you (me) look beefy, especially at the upper arms

On a more positive note…

Block colours that are bright work well
Chunky-ish/wide stripes look good
A crew neck tee with a v-neck cardi is great (but maybe not if you have a more formal job)
Necklaces with short chains, preferably layered

Pick a flattering Teams background - mine at the moment is a field of crocuses so even black looks okay against it
Brows and lips are all people are really looking at in video calls - basically enough to give your (my) face a bit of definition and not look like a potato*

So helpful @Maighnuad. Tee and a cardi I could definitely rock. Will have a look for some wide stripes.

And agreed, it's very liberating to wear big baggy cardigans etc. I'm not a stickler for the rules! What always makes me feel great is a gorgeous bright lipstick! At the moment it's all about dark berries and burgundys for me.

@Maighnuad

Is getting your colours done still a thing ? and this is a genuine question I am not taking the piss ! and if so where as I am 52 and should get my finger out !

@Maighnuad. Definitely still a thing. Try House of Colour. They do colour analysis and discovering your style sessions. The Kettlewell Colours website also has quizzes you can do to discover your season but it's not as accurate as having it done properly

@Gonnagetgoing I bought barrel leg jeans from Whistles in 2018 and promptly binned all my skinny jeans. They always looked crap on me because I am so pear shaped, so it was an absolute delight to get rid of them! I still like the Whistles ones, and also really rate the Levi's high-loose-taper style, which are similar but narrower on the ankle.

@Maighnuad

Is getting your colours done still a thing ? and this is a genuine question I am not taking the piss ! and if so where as I am 52 and should get my finger out !

You probably have an idea of what suits you.

I had mine done years ago but although I could see it I decided to stick to colours I like. I had it done as part of a work/business related seminar.

The woman doing it had very much had her colours done, which put me off a bit

Decades ago, I bought this book
www.goodreads.com/book/show/34748137-style-counsel
and found it helpful. I still refer to it

"Buy only things that you look fabulous in. If you try it on and don't say wow!"

I would not own a single thing if I thought like this!

@Gwenhwyfar

"Buy only things that you look fabulous in. If you try it on and don't say wow!"

I would not own a single thing if I thought like this!

Me neither, sometimes you really need a warm jumper or some comfy jeans.

I found the colour/style analysis very useful. You do not have to sign up to the top to toe paintbox colour co-ordinated air hostess look. But it's nice to have a coherent wardrobe that goes together, especially being the sort of person who can't just look in a mirror and objectively assess what suits.

Also target your wardrobe to where you spend most time - like many people I'm now in casual/WFH clothes most of the time, and I have bought some better quality jeans and tops so I don't feel like I've given up.

Me neither, sometimes you really need a warm jumper or some comfy jeans.
But a warm jumper and comfy jeans can also be nice and flattering, not some random old things you will no longer wear out of the house.

I understand what you're saying, my warm jumpers are oversize but they are fashionable, they don't do much for my figure though, but I do feel free in them and they do make me feel all cozy and snug.

For me, having my colours done was a lifesaver! I'm naturally pale skinned with a reddish tone to my skin and pale blue eyes, with a bit of yellow in them. I used to wear black, grey, navy all the time. They made me look like a walking corpse! Warm tones make me look alive and soften my look and I just feel right wearing them. So yes, if you struggle to know what colours suit you or if you're pale or feel your colours wash you out, then I would highly recommend it!

And I agree about colours, I could figure mine out myself, but had to start actually wearing them. And not the ones I liked but that did nothing for me. But when I did, people kept complimenting me, even if I was just wearing random t-shirts.