I think I’ve lost myself. Help me become visible again please.

[RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie]

Probably menopausal.
Went grey in lockdown.
Fatter than I’ve ever been at a size 14.
Nails are weak and never grow.
Skin generally decent enough.
Facial hair becoming noticeable having never really been troubled with it before.
Permanently knackered.
Seem to be permanently a bit under the weather - lots of colds and cold sores, as well as an underlying condition I’m on permanent meds for that have helped make me fat.
Feeling a bit miserable!

What half a dozen things would you do/buy in my position? I’m already booked in for a hair consultation.

I do have a couple of good points-
Legs still okay
Nice slim wrists
A pretty good wardrobe

HRT and exercise (whatever you enjoy) will improve your mental health

For face hair buy some Tinkle Razors from Amazon, cheap as chips. Look on YouTube for how to videos. I promise you won’t look back.

I find putting a face on every day and actively choosing nice outfits that make me feel good is worth the effort even if I’m staying at home all day.

Tbh Remus you obviously have a good sense of style and are happy with it and if you're happy with your weight I would say you should definitely look into HRT. It seems to me that you just seem a bit bleurgh rather than anything else.
Definitely a gp visit for hormones and thyroid checked out.

At 14 you are NOT FAT. I am fat. I've been walking round at 18-20 since 2009 due to my thyroid giving up the ghost. I have felt and often still do feel utterly awful. These are the things which helped:

-Lysine supplement daily is THE hack to controlling cold sores. Mine used to be constant and now I rarely get them.

-Hair cut and colour.

-Get a nice fitted and elegant coat.

• Natural lash extensions are great but high maintainance and I like to rub my eyes and sleep on my face. Get iglow lash serum. Use every night for 4 months and your lashes grow insanely. I have used it then dyed my lashes, home permed them and they look amazing like natural extensions. I am telling you it is amazing what it does, I had the stumpiest lashes due to my thyroid.

• Get silicone eye patches to sleep in, 5 for a tenner on ebay. They do wonders for fine lines and hollowing around the eyes.

• I love gel nails, sadly they make my nails split but if you can get away with them, they give you a little lift.

Agree with pps this sounds suspiciously like a perimenopause issue. Dropping hormones just make you feel less vibrant. Every cell in your body has an oestrogen receptor. Get your GP to refer you to a menopause clinic if they are struggling to deal with you.

I'm"50, 5'6" and a size 14 (having previously been a 16-18) OP. I've finally made peace with the fact that I'm never going to be a size 10, but I'm determined to be as bouncy, fit and healthy a 50yo size 14 as I can manage.

I just want to be a little bit less flabby
Start lifting weights. Seriously. Dont play at it with little light things. Get tbecgym to write you a program or look on line for a suitable training plan.

Get gel nail overlays - 3 week maintenance only .

Get signed up to a couple of Body pump style classes (weights to music basically) a week.

Work up to doing at least 40 second plank a day.

These two work wonders on the figure and you feel younger and stronger too.

Always have lots of nice berries and grapes and other luxury fruit in house to snack on.

+1 with PPs recommendations for an acyclivir stash, for hair dye, HRT, beauty treatments etc

Start walking parkrun - or just volunteer to marshall if you are really nervous or unfit - work your way up - go every week - in a year it will change your life loo

Thanks again, everyone.

I'll do my nails today. I had gels once and liked them, but really, really hated getting them taken off and it put me off doing them again. Is it always horrible, or so I just need to try a different person? I'm being much more disciplined about the nail oil (remembered it twice yesterday) so hopefully that will help a bit too.

I'll get a lovely stash of fruit and vegetables today. As a veggie, I'm not too bad with this, but could definitely be better.

Will also try to do some yoga and weights. Mine are only little but hopefully better than nothing.

Sorry you're feeling like this. I think the menopause takes an emotional as well as a physical toll, especially if it coincides with children leaving and parents dying. I found myself thinking a lot about what I hadn't done / probably never would do now with my life. I don't have a solution, but just be aware it can happen.

I had a colleague who put on a lot of weight because of medication and I was talking on another thread recently about how she always looked immaculate: sharp haircut and lipstick were the main take aways for me.

You have a great sense of style - never forget that. These years can be a great time to try out different looks - invisibility can be very freeing!

@RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie

Thanks again, everyone.

I'll do my nails today. I had gels once and liked them, but really, really hated getting them taken off and it put me off doing them again. Is it always horrible, or so I just need to try a different person? I'm being much more disciplined about the nail oil (remembered it twice yesterday) so hopefully that will help a bit too.

I'll get a lovely stash of fruit and vegetables today. As a veggie, I'm not too bad with this, but could definitely be better.

Will also try to do some yoga and weights. Mine are only little but hopefully better than nothing.

I don't know what kind of experience you had with your nails as I don't recognise that . They layer over the existing gel for a while then yes will remove with foil and remover and scrape off but it doesn't hurt or shouldn't . I'm talking about gel overlays which go over your own nails as opposed to anything which extends them like acrylics . Find a good salon . I tend to avoid the ones that use electric machines on you - they're usually easy to identify but if I say on here I would be crucified .

Don't get eyelash extensions. They look awful on everyone. Even Miss Piggy

But what about Olivia Colman's? I always think they look really lovely on her? am I delusional? I was thinking of getting these (subtle) kind, not the flirtatious giraffe sort that I see on lots of young women because my lashes are a bit sparse but mascara seems to set off my watery eyes.

Echo all these suggestions about HRT, exercise, being particular about your food and cutting out the booze. These things all help with sleep, quite apart from anything else, and a good night's sleep works wonders. I find home ballet barre (Lazy Dancer and Kathryn Morgan on YouTube) is good, great for posture, core strength, lean legs and sorting out those niggly pains.

I've been buying a bit more make-up recently, nothing fancy, just the Glossier/Elf stuff. Blusher and those eyebrow styling gels perk me up a bit. More neutral, but still visible, lipsticks.

Will try the vitamin supplements as winter rolls in. Good tips on here!

I felt like I got a whole new lease of life when I got bras that properly supported me. I recommend a group on Facebook called Boob or Bust - I think the info may also be on a website. I went down 2 band sizes and up 3 cup sizes though it took a bit of trial and error getting to my perfect bra and size.

Now I stand taller, feel so much more confident despite the myriad other reasons not to and am more motivated to change in other areas.

@DameMaureen

Acrylic doesn’t have to extend. I don’t have any tip put on mine, just the acrylic on my natural nails, and then they do a clear gel top coat over those. It’s helped me get them all to one length (they’d all grow pretty long and then one would snap/tear) and they feel very strong now.

I get them infilled every two weeks or thereabouts.

If you don’t want gel nails ( and they are really a sledgehammer to crack a nut as they only going to damage your nails further) but you want to grow them and have them stronger try some OPI nail envy.

Thanks again, everyone.

@Floisme I think you've absolutely hit the nail on the head. All I seem to have is work and that's not satisfying me enough.

Nails - I hated the tinfoil/scraping thing. It didn't hurt but I really disliked it. Will buy the OPI stuff - I love their polishes. Just need to get my act together and keep using the products/painting them. I have lots of nice polishes. I don't enjoy being poked at, so doubt I could cope with having to get nails done every couple of weeks.

My bras are good, but I could do with some control pants!

I have lots of nice clothes/bags/make up etc. Need to use them all more, instead of just reaching for the same things. A lady in a shop admired my (admittedly rather lovely!) handbag today, which gave me a bit of a boost. Shallow, moi?

Hey Remus, I'm following for tips. Glad you're starting to feel a bit brighter. You were so helpful on my what to wear to a nice London lunch post recently and my leather skirt is my new favourite

Thanks @IslaPineappple Glad you love your skirt. I definitely need to get a proper leather one to upgrade my faux one. Bought a mini-ish dress today. Decided I might as well flash the opaques whilst my legs are still half decent!

Especially before taking the iron and vitamin D, it would be a good idea to check your levels with a blood test. Also you mention that you are a vegetarian, what are your B12 levels like? Zinc is very good for immunity and Lysine is brilliant for preventing cold sores.

You have ruled out fake tan, but have you tried tanning drops for your face? The result is really subtle, just more of a glow.

A daily walk is a great way to return motivation for exercise and health and further exercise can be added later.

Not sure what your water intake is but if you think it is under 8 glasses a day, up it cause it will provide satiety.

Lysine supplement daily is THE hack to controlling cold sores. Mine used to be constant and now I rarely get them.

^^This with bells on.

Hope you start to feel more yourself soon

Nails - I've started using a sally hansen nail oil every night right before bed and am amazed at the results. I can only assume it is the oil as I haven't changed anything else and my nails usually break when the weather starts to get cold.

Facial hair - options are tweezers, hair removal cream for face or laser if you have the time/money.

Eyebrows - you didn't mention them but I had mine tattooed (microblading) and it's made such a difference to my face and overall look.

Eyelashes - I have been using an eyelash serum since Feb and it has worked incredibly well. I bought it after seeing an influencer going on about it and immediately felt stupid after ordering, but it turns out she was telling the truth. My eyelashes are now really long and dark, I used to wear mascara daily but don't need to now. The bottle was £30 but is still going now with nightly use since Feb.

If you've got the money a powder collagen supplement helps hair, nails and skin too. It works out around £20-30 a month so depends how bothered you are.

Thanks once again, everyone.

The latest cold sores seem to have cleared up, which is definitely making me feel a bit better. I also (please don't let me jinx it!) seem to have recovered a lot from the lingering cold. I had lots of rest and sleep over the weekend.

Sushi and berries for lunch today, and have made a huge bowlful of Asian-esque edamame and sugar snap salad to take to work over the next couple of days. Vitamins taken! Nails oiled!

Eyebrows are fine. Eyelashes not bad - Benefit Rollerlash does wonders for them.

A bit worried about taking more supplements etc as I suspect lots of their 'oomph' just gets passed out in wee anyway, and as I'm already taking medication every day. I don't want to rattle! Will try just the multivitamins and iron for a month and see how that goes.