I think I’ve lost myself. Help me become visible again please.

[RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie]

Probably menopausal.
Went grey in lockdown.
Fatter than I’ve ever been at a size 14.
Nails are weak and never grow.
Skin generally decent enough.
Facial hair becoming noticeable having never really been troubled with it before.
Permanently knackered.
Seem to be permanently a bit under the weather - lots of colds and cold sores, as well as an underlying condition I’m on permanent meds for that have helped make me fat.
Feeling a bit miserable!

What half a dozen things would you do/buy in my position? I’m already booked in for a hair consultation.

I do have a couple of good points-
Legs still okay
Nice slim wrists
A pretty good wardrobe

I like having strong colours on my nails but it doesn't look good if they are peeling.

I buy "healthy hoof" ointment cream from amazon. It is AMAZING and makes my rubbishy thin and peeling nails very strong.

I'm also a fan of wearing what I want now. Whether that is bold earrings or clothes I've made myself, I make sure it makes me smile and fits me.

Cold sores - go to the doctors and get the tablets. Life changing! Bosh some tablets and even the most evil cold sore won’t be so bad.

Plus Poundland do £1.50 tubes of alcoivir. Cream so always have one on you.

What’s really helping me right now is starting the low carb high fat boot camp that is currently running on MN, starting HRT and doing a Pilates class once a week.
I also take vitamin B complex, Magnesium citrate and vitamin D.
The boot camp has helped me lose half a stone so far and my skin is also much better for it. I’m pretty sure boot camp and HRT are reducing a lot of other health niggles too.

I just want to say Remus that you have a great sense of style! It's definitely not that that needs addressing (my Pinterest is filled with clothes you've linked to over the years!)

I take Sainsbury's hair, nail, and skin vitamins, and have fantastically strong nails, despite mild psoriasis, and they're about£3, so certainly worth buying as it's not bank breaking.

It's definitely worth seeing doctors about HRT, but from reading MN I know how hopeless many GPs are in this area. It may be worth seeing a private menopause specialist, who has time to really personalise hormone treatment for your individual needs, particularly if you're on a regular medication which may interact with what's going on in your body (hope you're ok, btw)

It's hard not to slide into a funk at this time of year, damp grey days are just so depressing, and it seems almost perma-dark for weeks. Getting out for a brief walk, even in the dark, does help me- especially when people have lights on in their houses or their decorations up, just lifts me a tiny bit and gets some fresh air into my lungs.

My recommendation would be to get lots of exercise (cardio and strength training) and fresh air and to eat well. In the longer term, nothing contributes to making me look and feel better that those three things.

I’ve seen you on here a lot over the years and I always pay attention to your recommendations. I don’t think this is a style issue. The first thing I would do is look at exercise - what do you do, and what do you actually like? I think you need some happy endorphins flowing.

Also, are you getting out and socialising much? I miss the daily interaction of going into work, wearing clothes that I think look nice. This may not apply to you if you’re going out every day, but if not, could you think about setting up something with friends?

Thanks everyone.

Yes, I’m generally happy with my clothes. It’s me I’m not happy with!

I really do need to find/do some exercise. I’m actually quite liking having a bum etc but I don’t want to put any more weight on.

Will get the Sainsbury’s vitamins.

If you're thinking about possible types of exercise to do, I'd really recommend weights. They are supposed to be good for bone mass in menopausal women. I've been alternating a strength based yoga sequence one day and hand weights/squats the next (only 20 minutes) and it feels like it's improved my stamina and general wellbeing but also given me a bit of a more confident spring in my step (probably from improved strength and posture).

have you looked into a phillips lumea for doing away with the facial hair? worked beautifully for me

and i can't recommend yoga highly enough if you're looking for some exercise you can fit into your life. you only need the space of a yoga mat and it can be gentle or crazy high impact, as you choose. it's got my body back into some kind of shape (plus handstands!)

I've never managed to do a handstand or a squat in my life! Gulp...

Hair is done. Really pleased with it - just had some lowlights/highlights put through it.

Iron and vitamin D tablets should help. Getting out for some fresh air and a walk every day. Treat yourself to a manicure to tidy up nails and cuticles then keep looking after them.Jillian Michaels 30 day shred is a great start for working out. When I started it I could barely do 30 seconds of press-ups on my knees. Over time I strengthened up and can do "proper" press ups which was a boost as showed a measurable improvement.

PS All great advice in theory but at the moment I feel just the same as you and need to give myself a kick up the bum to get me going again.

Vitamins ordered!

What about HRT OP? I think I'm a similar age to you and started recently. It's made me feel so much better - exhaustion one of my main symptoms and it's gone!

I also love yoga.

I don't know about vit d or b12, but I take them both!

(and dye the grey).

I saw you’ve ordered vitamins already but wanted to mention -
Vitamin e skin cream twice a day does wonders for my nails. Manicurist even commented. I got store brand and started using after shower and again before bed.

I love tinted lashes - not for everyone but they do get me out of a slump when I have them done.

Do you stay hydrated?

Thank you for this thread. Loads of great ideas.

For cold sores - a friend told me more than 30 years ago to put toothpaste, not gel, on them when they start. I did it any time I got a cold sore. Just slept with toothpaste on it actually, didn’t use it during the day. Never had any since.

Figured it was an old wives tale but found this online:

www.colgate.com/en-us/oral-health/mouth-sores-and-infections/toothpaste-on-cold-sore-does-it-work

Thank you. :) Hair is now done! It's already made me feel better.

Lots of other food for thought here. I'm rubbish at staying hydrated. Must...Try...Harder...

I've never managed to do a handstand or a squat in my life! Gulp...

Squats are the business! Great for your core strength, thighs, quads, bum etc. Oh and pelvic floor, I think. I swear they also make the skin on my bottom ... well.... as smooth as a baby's bottom. I have no idea how. Maybe it increases the circulation to that area !

1 HRT
2 botox
3 threading
4 good quality sleep
5 mixture of exercise HIIT, weights and flexibility
6 reduce processed food and sugar from your diet.

Is what I suggest. It seems to be going ok.
I'd also add
Great haircut and have a make up make over.

Yeah - reducing wheat, dairy, sugar, processed food, alcohol and caffeine all helps. It's bloody boring though .

See, I'd rather stay a bit fat than cut everything out in the pursuit of skinny. I like having a bum/fatter cheeks and I like my clothes, so happy to keep my size 14 wardrobe. I just want to be a little bit less flabby.

Or buy some better underwear!

I second what @MacavityTheDentistsCat said

To me those things make the biggest difference

Also alcohol, it really can make your face look puffy unfortunately (maybe that’s just me )

Do you have an underactive thyroid by any chance?
Good body lotion I like the Aveeno navy blue one.
Good haircut.
Get eyebrows and tash waxed. Invest in good tweezers and a mirror the hairs are relentless.
HRT patches not tablets.
LOTS of water and eat healthily.
Get your colours done.

What colours make you happy ? Do you have clothes that colour? What is a style that made you feel good before? If you have a gd.wardrobe.. what has changed that is making you feel less visible ? Is it your hair? Demenor? Make up?
Ive been there a few times.!
Its sometimes hard.to.hold on to.sense of self as we get.older.. is it that?