Look awful but overwhelmed and don't know where to start

[JennetHumfrye]

I'm late thirties, around six stone overweight and look terrible. I sleep quite badly so always look tired. Since lockdown I have been drinking most evenings but recently I have cut that right down. I have signed up to an online fitness/calorie counting app so hopefully I can address the weight loss there.

When I think of ways that I could try and make myself look better I get overwhelmed and think, what is the point? I'm still going to look awful. I genuinely don't know how I have gotten to this stage as I used to really take good care of myself. I feel really sad that I have more or less given up. It's badly affecting my confidence now and as I'm trying to get a new job, I really want to try and feel better.

Has anyone pulled themselves out of the doldrums and made themselves look better? I want to change and take better care of myself but don't really know where to start.

Stopping drinking is a really good start, that will help you get good sleep, eat well the day after and might improve your skin's general glow. Treat yourself with the money you've saved on alcohol to fruit and vegetables and good quality food. Don't buy crisps/ biscuits etc as if they're there you'll eat them when you're a bit bored or hungry. You'll start feeling fitter and healthier and looking better quite quickly from less alcohol, nicer food and more exercise and those results will help you keep going.

Thank you for posting. You are right, the alcohol does need to go as much as I love a good glass of wine. My complexion is dreadful, really dull looking. I don't have many wrinkles yet but I can see that I'm not helping the aging process with my poor diet and lack of sleep. I would buy some nicer face cream but I think I need more than that and I would only be wasting my money.

Why wouldn't you deserve nicer face cream? I think you need to be a bit kinder to yourself. You've started with losing the drinking and improving the diet. Start building on that.

Thanks @Bideshi I do need to be kinder to myself. I rarely buy anything and have quite bad self esteem. I find shopping a real effort as I feel so out of place and frumpy. A friend suggested hypnotherapy to try and change the way I see myself.

Didn't want to read and run. Firstly you have made the first step by addressing your issues. Each day you will start to feel healthier and fitter. A good bit of advice is not to do everything at one time. For example, don't try to cut out everything, drink 2litres of water and change your diet. Do one thing and once it becomes more habitual add in another! Small steps only. And if you fancy a nice face cream and it makes you feel good, go for it! Good luck 😉

Obviously diet, exercise, mental health, weight etc all play a part, but can I just say that treating yourself to a bit of face cream that will make you feel a bit better doesn't feel like a waste of time to me! Dull skin is a common problem, even for skinny women who sleep 8 hours a night! And there are lots of products out there designed to help with that.

Towards the end of lockdown I was feeling similar and I have to say that one thing I've done is that I do make an effort with my skin and I do wear make up most days. It's not so much that the make up makes me look better (although it does) but it's also about a mind set of putting effort in. Similarly, I try to make the effort to blow dry my hair most days (admittedly, it's quite short so this is not a big job) and wear slightly nicer outfits.

The other thing is, don't feel you need to lose six stone before you start to look good and feel happier. Every lb you lose will make you look better, and feel a little better about yourself. The small steps advice is ace. It's doable OP. Go for it!

It is miserable feeling like that, but you've made a great start. How about getting a great new haircut or a regular manicure or pedicure? Having a bit of pampering is a great morale booster. As PP said, don't try to fix everything at once. Keep taking small steps in the right direction and you will get there. You deserve some treats along the way!

You've made the best start by cutting back on the drink. Decide on a healthy diet that suits you e.g. low-carb, calorie-counting etc and help that along by having suitable foods at home, with not too many temptations.

As has been said, you won't need to wait for the six stone to go before you feel better about yourself. The money saved on wine can go towards say a new haircut and something like an eyebrow wax if needed. Just a few things to refresh your look and make you feel a bit perkier! And depending on your work/life schedule try and fit in a decent walk every day - it really does help.

Good luck.

I had this. agree small steps. some things I did (don't want to bombard you but maybe consider one or 2): the app worked for me, and drinking water will give instant results. excercise may make you sleep better, I started meidaiton and a sleep app. when can't sleep I read a book I love and don't stress about it. And a weekly treat, either a beauty treatment or a bath with face mask and nice stuff in it if your'e skint like me. Could kick start with a haircut and or facial though.

Blow dry, paint your toe nails, bit of new make up, nice new scarf if you're not buying cothes yet, sorry to sound Goop but pracitce "self-care" because you are genuinely worth it.

Can I suggest Azeliac Acid from The Ordinary as a quick win? It is cheap and made a huge immediate difference for me. I find its easier to get going with the bigger things when there are small wins along the way.

sorry can't spell - meant meditation.

Do you get any exercise Op? I'd recommend the C25 app and some cheery sports kit. Apart from helping with the weight loss the buzz from exercise and the fresh air can really help you feel better.

some programmes like second nature and noom deal with the psychological aspect of diet and suggest small steps to build up a new habit and don't have a win /lose / fail attitude
Maybe meal planning or sleep habits or at least half a plate of vegetables with dinner or a walk every day or drinking more water and less caffeine / alcohol when you have a new habit established you then start the second new habit
you are worth decent stuff now not at some vague point in the future but make treats none edible like manicure face cream luxury bath products, new shoes or jewellery a scarf a new mug for your herbal teas etc

Drink water

Get your eyebrows shaped (and tinted if needed)
Gets your eyelashes tinted
Pair of nice plain stud earrings (for some reason earrings always make your face look nicer)
Haircut (doesn’t have to be drastic just a bit of shaping round the face and cut off any dead ends)

For a quick fix for dull skin I like to exfoliate or use Liz Earle Brightening Mask.

I think good hair can make a huge difference as well, but my hair always looks shit so I have no advice on that point.

If you haven't been for a bra fitting for a long time then get fitted and buy new bras. A good fitting bra makes clothes fit better.

Starting with exercise is a great idea. Take it a day at a time, a week at at time. Things like adding in more walking, give up the booze and drink more water, get plenty of sleep. You should start to be feeling better within a month. With the money you save on wine buy yourself something not weight dependent like a nice scarf or lipstick.

Thank you all for the fantastic ideas. There is a lot that I can do that I would never thought of. I have written quite a few of the ideas down so I can try and put something into action.

Oh and another thing that makes your skin look nice and is cheap as chips. I call it an aspirin facial. Crush up 2 or 3 soluble aspirins with a bit of face cream (I use Sudocrem). Apply to face, leave for 10 mins and wash off. Beautiful glowing skin!

I would start at the skin as well.

I am lazy with my skincare but due a good purge of the dead skin cells.

I bet you look great op, we are always so hard on ourselves!

I found wearing nice staples like jeans and a jumper, with lovely earrings or a headband can make me feel great and there are some great outfits out there for not much money at all.

Depends on your budget but if you can afford micro needling I have found that a complete game changer, barely wine much make up at all since I had that done and I'm a big lover of face stuff

Worn !! Not wine

I started using this glycolic toner every day (Superdrug Naturally Radiant Glycolic Tonic) and within a few days, my skin looked so much better. Radiant even. Seriously. It's much better than more expensive equivalents like Pixi Glow.

It takes a few seconds out of your day so worth a try. After you cleanse/wash your face, give it a wipe with this before you moisturise:

www.superdrug.com/Skin/Face-Skin-Care/Cleansers/Face-Toner/Superdrug-Naturally-Radiant-Glycolic-Tonic-5%25-300ml/p/779938#pdp__details

Drink loads of water
Definitely exercise - walking is great
Wear colours that suit you, especially near your face.

Not sure what you plan with regards to weight loss but I'd start easy: 3 well balanced meals a day. Don't try to go too low on cals, you'll be miserable.

Maybe get some sparkling water for the evenings, if you miss your wine?