Look awful but overwhelmed and don't know where to start

[JennetHumfrye]

I'm late thirties, around six stone overweight and look terrible. I sleep quite badly so always look tired. Since lockdown I have been drinking most evenings but recently I have cut that right down. I have signed up to an online fitness/calorie counting app so hopefully I can address the weight loss there.

When I think of ways that I could try and make myself look better I get overwhelmed and think, what is the point? I'm still going to look awful. I genuinely don't know how I have gotten to this stage as I used to really take good care of myself. I feel really sad that I have more or less given up. It's badly affecting my confidence now and as I'm trying to get a new job, I really want to try and feel better.

Has anyone pulled themselves out of the doldrums and made themselves look better? I want to change and take better care of myself but don't really know where to start.

Completely agree with all the pp about self care, baby steps and so on.

For the cutting out booze and weight loss could I suggest you look at the fantastic MN thread called LowCarb Bootcamp. The idea is you eat a high fat (Eg olive oil) diet and cut out carbs (apart from the carbs in green vegetables). Fat fills you up and helps you stay full and in my experience helps to retrain your palate so that you really don’t miss or even want sugar. Lots of people have a similar amount of weight to lose. It’s the best way of losing weight without feeling hard done by I have ever come across- and it works.

I agree with others here that the best place to start is with small self care steps that can make a big difference from the inside out. You’ve already done really well to get solution-focussed and cut down the alcohol. I’d suggest drinking more water and adding more veg and fruit to your diet as a next step. Even if you don’t make other changes yet then eating more nutrients will help you to look and feel better overall.

For more cosmetic things, I’d recommend getting your colours done and buying some nice hair masks and face masks. These things have made the biggest difference to me. What products work for you will depend on your hair and skin types, but I personally love Moroccanoil hair masks and Caudelie Vinoperfect face mask - both are simple and nourishing.

Hope you enjoy this OP - you can definitely feel better and sound like you’re taking some excellent first steps!

Another quick win - I have similar sounding skin to you and I ditched foundation in favour of something from L'Oreal called a tinted hyuralonic serum. It's like a very light fluid, but it's also hydrating your skin at the same time and instead of looking like a mask it kind of unifies your complexion. I then put a sheer sunscreen on top to try and prevent any more dullness and wrinkles!

I have had a few slightly puzzled compliments since I started using it, along the lines of "you look...fresher? Brighter? Something? Have you been getting more sleep?"

Exercise will make you feel great!
I suggest you join a great gym, with small group PT or similar. Weights are so beneficial but guidance is vital. A lot of people don't lift heavy enough or do exercises with bad form, which can easily lead to injury
If you find the right place, it'll be life changing.

Try and treat yourself like your own best friend. Set your inner voice to encouraging and supportive, rather than critical. You might feel a bit of a plonker at first, but keep going.
Small steps are the way forward, and believing that you are worth making the effort for. You are.
I agree with lots of water, more exercise and trying to be more positive about yourself.

I find when skin, hair, nails and eyebrows are ok (mine are never fantastic) i feel better

Glycolic acid, you can get 5% from he ordinary and 10% from inky list (cap is dreadful on that one). Good moisturiser - I’ve just started using eucerin tbh (i use retinoids so need to deal with the peel)

Hair, get it cut/coloured whatever you like to do and then start doing a nice deep condition, even if you just make sure you condition it every time you wash it you feel swishier and better.

Nails - get a manicure, even an express one just to get them clean and tidy is good.

Oddly I found doing a footpeel cheered me up, feet look and feel much better.

I started beginner shred and would say I am currently 3.5 st overweight but it’s manageable (vs the crippling 30 day shred). Feel stronger and fitter. Am doing 5:2 slow and sustainable for me.

Fitbit - helped me understand how little I was moving

My face is terribly dry at the moment and it doesn't matter how much exfoliating i do, or how much moisturiser i put on...it's only a quick fix.

So, I have decided to drink at least 2 litres of water every day and see if it helps, by hydrating the dryness from inside.

It sounds like your skin might be as thirsty as mine and even if it isn't - drinking lots of water is never a bad thing.

Hi Op! Well done on moving up out of those doldrums! What jumps out at me is you saying you sleep badly. Improving your sleep quality has to be part of your new direction …. What have you tried? For me strong camomile tea, lavender oil sprinkled on the bed and a bath before bed plus a plug in heat pad on a low setting really help. I also resort to theanine or valerian tablets.

If you want to try different moisturisers which are cheap try the Lidl or Aldi own brand, I have used the Aldi caviar which is a halibut pricier but the Lidl Q10 is a bargain & I really like it

Also didn't want to read and run.
Well done with cutting down on alcohol.
Like others have said, drinking water, going for a walk every day.
Start with a 5/10 min walk then build up gradually, you will be able to see progress then.
Buy yourself nice face cream and body lotion, like a pp said Superdrugs own ranges are good, but also Aldi/Lidl have good skincare ranges and also some nice perfume.
Practice sleep hygiene, there are lots of apps/websites about this.
Finally, you sound like a reflective person that can achieve things. You are not awful, you are a human being worthy of love and acceptance, and will have many wonderful qualities.
You also don't look awful.
be kind to yourself.
Good luck

Just wanted to add, start tiny tiny. So today if you do nothing else but drink a glass of water, that’s great, that’s enough. Don’t pressurise yourself. Tomorrow think about something else. All the time speaking kindly to yourself.

Definitely go with baby steps.

Brisk walk outside.
Drink water.
Add in an extra vegetable at lunch or dinner.
Nip and Fab glycolic pads from boots or Superdrug are great for improving skin.

Once you get used to all of those you can step up a gear. Good luck.

I'd say gym and Zumba and the like only if you feel confident enough for it. It's always something you can pick up later. If it's outside your comfort zone, leave it for now. Do those things that you can succeed with: changing drinking habits and what you eat (nb - not using the word diet!), being more attentive to dress and skin care, fresh air and exercise. But, above all, working on your self-esteem by caring for yourself. Start with the doable and move on up. Rooting for you!

Walking group? Up the hills? All you need is walking boots.. no one cares if your clothes are the best , no Lycra in sight, and there’s a great buzz at the top..

Start off by buying yourself a nice outfit. It doesn’t have to cost the earth, but anything you buy now will fit for the first stone at least, and many things will fit for longer than that. What do you wear most, work clothes or casual clothes? It is absolutely worth having something to wear right now which makes you feel good. You could stick to one lovely jumper, or you could buy some nice new boots or a winter coat.

I cannot thank you enough for your suggestions. You have all really cheered me up. I've booked a hairdressers appointment for Friday, downloaded a meditation app to listen to at night and have started looking at some skincare. I also went for a big walk at lunch time today and I'm going to try and do that everyday.

I am just going to try and make small changes and stop seeing doing something/buying for myself an inconvenience or chore.

I really appreciate everyone of you that took the time to give me your advice. You are all wonderful xx

aahh how lovely op! you definitely deserve to look after yourself and we're all here to remind you!

Let us know how you get on x

So pleased to hear that @JennetHumfrye .
Just keep that inner voice supportive. So if you don’t achieve what you set out to in a day, be kind. Say to yourself things like, oh well not to worry, I’ll have a better day tomorrow. Don’t spiral down. Start spiralling up .
You absolutely are worth taking care of. You really are. It’s ok to be you.
Hope the hairdressers is a success. Keep us posted if you can. Well done you

Did you feel better after your walk?

You have had some great advice here OP - the only suggestion I would have is if you are planning on doing some walking, download an audiobook or podcast to listen to, I find t walking more enjoyable when I’m listening to something and don’t realise how far I’ve gone! Good luck x