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Original poster

Once you've worn a dress for a funeral is it ruined?

83 replies

PackedintheUK · 20/10/2021 20:42

I wore this Whistles dress for DH's funeral. I got a lot of compliments, which was a bit weird in the circumstances, but it's a good dress on me.

I bought it for work really, but happened to have it unworn when I needed a dark dress so that's what I wore. I haven't worn it for any occasion since.

I'm in need of a smart ish outfit for a nice dinner and concert this weekend. I also need comfy shoes. I was thinking of this with navy suede knee high boots, but especially with the funeral connection, it feels a bit dismal. What could I do to brighten it up (that I can get hold of by Saturday)?!

OP posts:
Thatsplentyjack · 20/10/2021 21:28

Coat like this maybe? Not recommending that site though. I've never bought anything from there, it was just the first one I saw that I thought was nice.

Once you've worn a dress for a funeral is it ruined?
Original poster
PackedintheUK · 20/10/2021 21:29

I've also got this as a fall back, which should also be OK with the comfy navy boots, but I think the navy one is the better dress?

www.hobbs.com/product/alex-geo-shirt-dress/0121-5582-9021L00-RED-NAVY-10.html

OP posts:
Original poster
PackedintheUK · 20/10/2021 21:30

I don't really do bags, I prefer a jacket with enough pockets for mobile phone and lip balm Grin

OP posts:
Kenworthington · 20/10/2021 21:30

So sorry for your loss op. It’s a lovely dress. But I understand how you feel. I had a lovely black dress I wore often and it made me feel really good. But then I wore it to my mums funeral earlier this year. I haven’t been able to bring myself to wear it since

Oddbutnotodd · 20/10/2021 21:32

I wore one of my favourite dresses to my husband’s funeral. Have worn it several times since for Christmas and other events. Usually get compliments. It’s definitely not ruined. Wear your dress with maybe a bright bag. Enjoy wearing it to a new event.

DameMaureen · 20/10/2021 21:39

I think this is very individual - if it was someone's funeral then I probably would but I don't think I would if it were my DHs.

ElvisPresleyHadABaby · 20/10/2021 21:47

I wear the dress I wore to my mum's funeral sometimes, and hope that it would make her smile when I'm out having fun. Flowers

AngelDelightUk · 20/10/2021 21:57

A red jacket/cardigan would look lovely with it. I think as long as you feel comfortable then it’s not an issue

I’ve worn the dress I wore to my DHs funeral again. It felt strange for maybe half hour or so then it became one of my favourite dresses

ImInStealthMode · 20/10/2021 22:01

It's a gorgeous dress OP (in fact I've just bought it for myself, I hope you don't mind).

There's no reason that you shouldn't wear it again unless you'd be uncomfortable or sad doing so.

I like @dudsville's suggestion. Try it out for some mundane errands first, see how you feel in it without there being the pressure of an event to attend. If you don't feel right you can go home, take it off and put it back in the wardrobe or in the charity shop bag no harm done. If you feel ok then good to go for your event x

Original poster
PackedintheUK · 20/10/2021 22:05

It's funny because when I bought it, for work, no one on S&B liked it Grin

OP posts:
Mydogmylife · 20/10/2021 22:08

I've worn the dress that I wore to my dads funeral , he would've laughed at me for attributing 'bad feelings' to it. On the other hand I had to get rid of the dress I wore to my mums - she was superstitious about things like that! How would your DH have felt - go with your instinct and as pp suggested try wearing on a quick nip out first, see how you feel

Chasingsquirrels · 20/10/2021 22:10

I wore this dress, with a black jacket and black ribbon belt (which came with it) 5o DHs funeral.
Similarly I had brought the dress beforehand (heavily reduced, couldn't resist it), but had never worn it.

I've since worn it to a couple of weddings (one as per the picture) and a Christmas party.

8t completely depends on how YOU feel about wearing it.

Once you've worn a dress for a funeral is it ruined?
TartanDMs · 20/10/2021 22:26

This might out me because quite a few people know about this, but DH bought me a dress to wear for his funeral. He wanted me to not have to worry about what to wear, and for me to have something practical that I could wear for interviews and other occasions, and smile when I did because it reminded me of him for good reasons. I have worn it to one interview and 4 funerals since his Sad i do really love it though.

RainbowMum11 · 20/10/2021 22:26

I'm so sorry for your loss x

It's completely up to you - I love to rewear dresses I have worn to funerals as it reminds me of the person, in a loving way.

Everyone is different though.

M0rT · 20/10/2021 22:29

I'm sorry for your loss OP. Flowers
Recently I wore a dress I bought to wear to a party to my close friends funeral.
She was young and had specified that she didn't want people in dark formal clothes.
I didn't go to the party but I know I have to wear that dress to something soon.
It won't break the connection as such but while the funeral is a sad memory my relationship with her is a brilliant one.
I think gold statement earrings and bangle with a pink/red/mustard short jacket would work well with the dress.
I just want to say I admire your perseverance, I know it's not the same as losing a husband but I am grieving my friend and there are days when just showering is overwhelming. So I have some understanding of what it's taking for you to be arranging nights out and thinking about your outfit. It's very courageous.

Kite22 · 20/10/2021 22:57

From the title, I was going to come on and say I have a 'funeral dress' that sits in my wardrobe and comes out when I go to funerals - very useful.
but
yours is a very different situation.
I can only presume that attending your own dh's funeral at a young age (presuming young as you said you bought it for work), is quite a different story from going to someone like a Grandparent's funeral - which, whilst being sad, is sort of 'expected' and in the normal way of life.
Only you will know how it feels to put on that dress again, and if you associate it with that day. Also, if the funeral was a really sad day for you, or if it was (as many say) quite an uplifting day when there was an outpouring of love for your dh and it hit home how many people loved him and will miss him. I think that can influence your feelings too.

noodlezoodle · 20/10/2021 23:02

It's lovely and beautifully cut. I know losing a parent isn't the same as losing a partner, but I have a gorgeous jacket that I wore to my mum's funeral and to another funeral. I think of it as my 'ceremonial' jacket but I still love it and wear it for other things, including nights out. My mum would definitely approve.

Sorry for your loss Flowers

MrsDeaconClaybourne · 20/10/2021 23:08

That's a beautiful dress. I think it entirely depends on how you feel when you wear it. I have a funeral dress that I bought specially for my step dad's funeral. I've since worn it to 2 others. It's a lovely dress and I wear it to work quite a bit. It makes me think of the people but in a nice way.

OllyBJolly · 20/10/2021 23:12

Quite often wear a dress I got for my sister’s funeral. I wear it often and always smile. She died far too young after a horrible illness and her funeral was so lovely. I don’t feel sad when I wear it .

MrsDeaconClaybourne · 20/10/2021 23:14

If you're wearing it I'd go for skin colour tights and then contrasting shoes to brighten it up so maybe something sparkly or pink or even animal print. I'm not sure a necklace would go with the neckline but maybe a wide bracelet or bangle?

Sorry for your loss Flowers

Jumpingintochristmas · 20/10/2021 23:23

A meal and concert could be the perfect opportunity to make happy memories in the dress. It would be beautiful with navy or burgundy knee high boots and a statement earring. Perhaps a burgundy leather or pvc jacket like either of these (huge price difference).

Once you've worn a dress for a funeral is it ruined?
Once you've worn a dress for a funeral is it ruined?
Couldhavebeenme3 · 20/10/2021 23:31

I have the dress I bought for my grandparents funerals 20 years ago. It is tailored, lined, and I loved it as a suitable outfit to wear to a dressmaker and tailor's funeral.

I have since worn it to job interviews, parties, nights out, to work, so many places with different accessories dressing it up and down. My grandparents' ashes were sprinkled at the crem, but I think of them fondly whenever I wear it.

Enterifyoudare · 20/10/2021 23:34

I'm so sorry OP.

I agree, once it's worn to a funeral it's ruined. I lost my sister last year. She was ill for sometime before hand, so I purposely didn't wear a black dress I'd bought for work in anticipation of the inevitable. She then asked for no black at the funeral. So I bought a gorgeous colourful dress.

I can't even look at either dress now TBH.

SirenSays · 20/10/2021 23:34

Sorry for our loss 💐 I always buy very nice black dresses for funerals and I don't wear them again. They're donated to charity immediately which makes me feel better about the whole thing.

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 20/10/2021 23:57

@PackedintheUK

I can't picture what kind of necklace would go with the neckline?
Agreed. It's a standalone neckline to my mind.

I'm really sorry about your DH but you shouldn't feel like you 'have' to ditch things once worn to a funeral - only if it upsets you too much. To be honest I would just as equally say wear it and think of him.

I love your idea of the boots. I'd be tempted to team with a short and reasonably fitted denim jacket, or similar. Perhaps a cool, chunky bangle, jewellery-wise? I like gold with navy - something like this? Might divide opinions as it's bold!