Those with ample bosom...help!

[Stuffragette]

My gorgeous dd is 14 and is a size (from the rough measuring she let me do) 30E bra size. She will only wear jersey crop tops because she thinks it makes her boobs look smaller.

She has been complaining of back ache and although that's prob down to heavy school rucksack, I'm worried about the lack of support on her chest and wondered if no bra was making it worse. She's rounding her shoulders and she just told me she hates her boobs so much

Poor girl - I remember feeling really self conscious about my boobs at that age too. She would really benefit from proper support though - it doesn’t have to be anything to boost them, or with a deep plunge, just something with more structure.

A good quality sports bra will have the same minimising effect, but protect her developing body and give a bit of support to her back and shoulders too - I’ve lived in mine since lockdown as they are so comfy.

My favourite are Panache which look like a crop top, but have an underwire in them. They aren’t the cheapest but they last forever.

www.panache-lingerie.com/brands/panache-sport

I was going to suggest a panache sports bra too. My DD lives in them.

I'm not entirely sure what help you are looking for?

I'd be getting her fitted for a proper bra, pronto. You should explore bras which might be a good option for her if she wants them to appear smaller. Certainly, I've never bought a push up bra or similar in my life!

As for the jersey crop tops, I'm not 100% sure what this might entail - do you mean she's wearing these INSTEAD of a bra? The problem with anything like this is that they absolutely can make your breasts stick out less (as it were) but they also flatten the breasts and can make them bulge on the sides, which then becomes counter productive and deeply unflattering. M&S does a range of "sleep" bralette things that might be a similar option for her, but a better choice in terms of some support/definition.

The trick is to think about what she's wearing on top as well. This can be quite difficult at the best of times, probably more so at her age. But it can be done. eg, t-shirts should always be v-necked. A scoop neckline can work but tends to be a bit"sexier" (I wore scoop necks on nights out as a teenager. But ONLY on nights out! ) Button up shirts theoretically great, but in my experience always gap. I used to wear a lot of "shirts" with just a few fake buttons at the top - i something between a t-shirt and a shirt.

Finding tops etc that drape correctly is key. Unfortunately, I don't think there's a set rule here. Eg I have a skinny ribbed jumper that is stretchy and tight but makes me feel very "neat" and less booby, but other tighter styles make me feel like I'm dressing to get picked up in a bar. So you have to sort of figure that out for yourself. I find silky fabrics that skim work for me and I like them a bit on the big side so that they sort of brush past my breasts.

Not sure if any of that helps?

Sorry, realised I seemed to be suggesting based n looks, but I was simply making th point that if she feels more comfortable (and more supported in the breast area) she's less likely to do the weird slouching/twisting thing.

I should also say, full disclosure, that I had a breast reduction in my 20s when I realised that I was wearing lots of jackets and sort of hunching over to hide..... My breasts are still big but comparatively speaking, it's no big deal. It was the best thing I ever did but I think she's too young for such a surgery now and really, as she matures and figures things out, she might not even feel as self conscious.

Sorry, one last thing - the worst thing for me as a teenager was the sense that if I was minding my own business, random men thought that my breasts just belonged to them - I lost count of random groping, comments etc. At the time, every time I complained about this, I'd be told to stop making a fuss or similar. If DD has large breasts, I'll be 100% behind her telling her to scream, yell, complain as much as she likes when men/boys behave inappropriately.

Go to Bravissimo. My teenage DD had a fantastic fitting and came out with some brilliant bras. There is no need to remove her crop top/bra during the fitting process, in case she needs reassurance. The staff were very sensitive and discrete.

If her bosom is ample, she may well be bigger than 30E.

@Ozberry @Frenchfancy thank you those are perfect. I could definitely get her into one of those.
@Triffid1 it is v unlikely I could take her to get measured as you should have seen the coaxing it took for me to measure her over her bra top in her room. She wears bra tops, jersey ones with no support whatsoever.

I pressed post too soon on my original post but I am looking for any tips from people who know how it feels to have a large chest on a young body. Bra recommendations would be v welcomed.

Bravissimo are excellent with big boobs or if you can convince her to measure herself the “boob or bust” website is really good.
If she’s happy in a jersey crop top she might like a Molke style bra and they are super supportive (the shop is also really helpful for advice)

I believe that developmentally not wearing a proper bra has no impact (we don’t actually need the support) however I feel much less self conscious if my boobs are secure and not flapping around. I preferred a lightly padded bra to better conceal nipples.

For minimising I find v necks or wrap style tops best but I often wear a vest underneath as I need to be modest for work.

I was very self conscious about looking like I was trying to look sexy, big boobs make perfectly ordinary outfits look like your trying too hard.

Scarfs and necklaces also help detract from the area.

@Triffid1 that is awful. She is at an all girls school so that's a blessing but has to walk through a busy part of central London to get there. When I talk to her I will definitely say that to her.

@CherryMaple that's a great recommendation thank you. I will look into that now.

Definitely get sports bras ASAP. I hated PE and exercise generally because my parents couldn't afford / didn't know about sports bra. I think it's created a lifelong aversion to sports! Also the support is crucial with a larger chest.

Not wired but supportive
https://www.bravissimo.com/products/flora-bralette-ln798/#hot-pink-ln798hpk

Or this
https://www.bravissimo.com/products/zara-bralette-ln605/#black-ln605blk

I often considered a reduction when I was younger and I’m sure I could have gone for an nhs one given my size. However I have since had 2 amazing experiences breastfeeding my children and it’s been a really helpful process of reframing my boobs as biologically useful appendages.
I’m incredibly grateful that I accepted myself and didn’t go through a reduction that may have stopped me having the option to breastfeed.

I just bought this bra.

On me, it feels very much like it gives me breasts support, without pushing them up and out. The sizing is a bit odd though in that I got a 38F and I usually take a 38G or even 38GG.

If she doesn't want to try bras on, can you afford to buy a wide selection on the assumption that she'll send most back? So she can try them at home. The only issue with that is that I know that bra shopping can be quite demoralising for me and trying on 10 bras that don't quite work can really get me down.

I'm a 30f and have 3 of the Zara bralettes linked above, would have loved to have something similar as a teenager.

When I was that age the only bras I could get in my size were overly lacy affairs, I longed for a plain bra.

For bras I wear gossard glossies now, e.g.

www.bravissimo.com/products/glossies-bra-gs110/#black-gs110blk

30 E isn't big but when you are 14 it feels like it. There is a website that shows you pictures of various size breasts , maybe if she looks she will see it's not overly large size. I will try to find the site.

The site is bratabase.com.

Ok so I have literally ordered all the recommendations of everyone. I know 30e isn't that big but on a size 6, 14 year old girl I think she looks down and all she sees is boobs. Plus all her friends are a lot smaller. Teenage girls just all want to be the same don't they I guess.

Thank you so much for your help. I was always a 32a until I had children so I didn't really know where to start.

Oh God, your poor DD. I absolutely hated my boobs (still do, but now I can afford decent bras, and men see the grumpy middle-aged face and back off). I had backache all through my teens and seriously considered spending my student loan on a reduction. I second sports bras, and encouraging her to make a fuss about unwelcome attention from men. But it’s shit, I’m afraid.

She needs to get measured professionally. Not Marks- they’re useless- try Bravissimo, this is a list of their shops.

As the former 12yr old owner of 34H tits, I completely understand her just wanting to hide. But wearing crap bras gives you back and shoulder issues for your whole life. She’s got to carry those bad boys around for many decades ahead- she doesn’t want to be popping ibuprofen for back ache in her 30s and 40s like friends of mine whose parents weren’t as clued up as mine and walked around for a couple of years wearing inadequate crop tops (my mum is small of boob but did her research for me!)

Please also tell her that she may feel like they’re a terrible burden now, but one day she will most likely learn to embrace them. In my early 40s now mine are like an old friend

Good luck.

I was your daughter and absolutely hated the attention and the way my boobs made me feel and look. I lived in M&S minimiser bras. You could perhaps buy her a few in different sizes to try on at home as I think she may want to try them with different tops to get an idea. This was a long time ago so there may be better options now.

My dd is very similar (but bigger) - she wears these:

www.marksandspencer.com/2-pack-high-impact-non-wired-sports-bras-a-h/p/clp60450739?color=BLACKMIX#intid=prodColourId-60450739

as she is really anti wires. They have really good support though ... I just fit her by eye these days and send them back if they are no good.

I was your daughter so I really do feel for her. If she won't let you do q proper measure and prefers q crop top/sports bra have you looked at Molke?. Each size covers a few bra sizes so she will get more wear out if them. Of she wants to minamize and wear for sport then select the fabric with a 3 rating.

These are good too..

www.marksandspencer.com/flexifit-non-wired-full-cup-bra/p/clp60438189?color=WHITE#intid=prodColourId-60438187

I wouldn't do sports in them but for every day they are OK!

She needs a proper bra not a minimiser and a sports bra too. I’ve been 28FF for a few years and very busty but not as big since age 11.

If she is a size 6 she won't be a 30 back. You don't need to add 4 to the back size anymore so if you used that method try again with the actual measurements.

General rule is a size 10 is a 30 back, 8 is a 28, 6 is a 26 etc. She will need to go up in the cup correspondingly so I would guess a 26FF. You might need a back adjuster.