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Original poster

Hate going out in public with no makeup and my natural wavy hair

45 replies

purrfection · 04/10/2021 15:42

I've worn makeup since I was 16 (late thirties now) and I have always hated being seen without makeup. I look like a totally different person and no this isn't a case of 'I'm sure you're naturally pretty'. Makeup does wonders for me and that's fine but I now have a 10 month old and do not have the time or energy to paint my face. But the biggest issue is I'm extremely insecure without it. I don't want to leave the house which isn't good for me or my baby. My natural hair is also dry, frizzy and wavy and I have straightened it to death since 16 too. It is now extremely fine and damaged, I don't have much hair left and I don't want to straighten it anymore, but my natural hair looks so unkempt. I feel without my hair and makeup done I look dirty and a mess. I'm not sure if I should work towards being more accepting or my natural state and if so how do I do this? Or if I need to find time to dedicate to putting some effort into my appearance?

OP posts:
Tryingtogetitright · 04/10/2021 15:57

I'm sure you don't look bad at all! But I totally get where you're coming from as I feel the same. Older DC though.

I like to try and make sure either my hair or makeup is done as I feel so much better about myself when I do, but I remember it is tricky with a baby! How about tinted moisturiser, mascara and a blush/lip stick thing? Takes 3 mins and takes the edge off! Hairwise if I don't have time to do it properly I just twist it up in a clip and straighten the front pieces that fall out. Takes 5 mins all in - hair up, do make-up while I'm waiting for straighteners to heat up, straighten front bits, done.

Also I clean my teeth first thing straight after my morning wee as otherwise that was another task I struggled to fit in!

Pheasantlysurprised · 04/10/2021 17:13

I am the opposite now, hair wise.

I have long, wavy blond hair and have grown to like the puffy vibe it has, and can live with a certain amount of frizz, so long as it looks bouncy and healthy.
My view on hair really evolved over the past few years - I look back on my neat, flattened, parched hair with horror, it needed washing more frequently and looked really tired.
Since letting it grow and drying it in a twist, it falls quite nicely now even with some frizz. The natural goofiness makes it look thicker and healthier, I feel. But that's just me! I have had a lot of compliments since I started doing this so I probably wont ever go back to straightening my hair.

I wonder why we ended up perceiving fluffy/wavy hair as somehow 'worse' than glossy straight hair. This is absolute bullshit. Both glossy and frizzy hair are a part of nature and a part of having healthy hair.......sometimes some of us are just more porous....

Pheasantlysurprised · 04/10/2021 17:14

poofiness not goofiness.
fuck off keyboard.

thedevilinablackdress · 04/10/2021 17:37

There's nothing wrong with going out without makeup or straightening your hair. Millions of people do, especially men and children. Being a woman should not make us feel unworthy in our natural state.
However, it can be hard to go to the extreme when you feel this way. Baby steps. Take a little time on your appearance, clean teeth, face. Tinted lip balm, concealer. A little product in your hair to tame any perceived frizz, maybe clip it back with something pretty. Get out and enjoy the day with your baby.

mynameiscalypso · 04/10/2021 17:46

I felt (and feel) the same. For me, the key was finding things that could be done quickly. I invested in a Dyson Air Wrap thing which meant I could quickly dry and style my hair and it didn't look shit. I also fell in love with Eborian CC cream instead of foundation - I can practically apply it in my sleep and it makes my skin look so much better. That and a whack of blusher is all I need these days to look decent.

WimpoleHat · 04/10/2021 17:51

I always felt the same as you. I think the best approach is a “5 minute makeup and tie your hair back” every day ( and more if and when you get time). At least that way you feel a bit like “you”, but it’s not something that takes a lot of time. I now have this down to a fine art. There’s the 2 minute job: eyeliner, mascara, lipstick and a quick comb through the hair. If I have 5 minutes, I add tinted moisturiser, powder and blusher. Etc etc.

OneMoreForExtra · 04/10/2021 19:31

I feel for you - and I've never managed the super-groomed look so your transition is even harder!

90% of beauty things make almost no difference so just pick the ones that do in 3 mins. I have zero time and just go with:
Serum on wet hair after washing, combined and air dry. 1 minute extra for the serum; glossy curls rather than frizz.

Mascara top lashes only: 1 minute for open eyes

That's it: you'll already feel better.

If you have 3 more minutes around the baby add light foundation and lipstick or gloss, but you won't look any better to the casual observer and don't want lipstick kisses all over your baby!

But the biggest thing, which takes no time, is to switch off the bit of your head that thinks you have to look perfect, and own being tired, natural, with a lovely baby , just like 99% of the other new mothers out there

Wbeezer · 04/10/2021 19:36

You could look up the curly girl method for working with your natural hair texture. It has really helped the condition of my previously frizzy hair.

RampantIvy · 04/10/2021 19:43

Fake tan on your face, a touch of blusher and some tinted lip balm/gloss or lipstick. Job done.

My hair has gone quite dry and frizzy, but if I put serum on it and let it dry naturally it looks soft and wavy.

HumourReplacementTherapy · 04/10/2021 20:00

Try isle of paradise tanning drops (I like the one in the turquoise bottle with hyaluronic acid) Add a few drops to your moisturiser (I add a fair bit or it doesn't make a difference)
It just gives you a bit of a glow, makes you look human 😊
I like Bobbi brown cream blusher.... a bit on the cheeks a bit on the lips, mascara and that'll do for just out and about and stops people asking if I'm ill SmileGrin

Another favourite is trinny London BFF. Lighter than a tinted moisturiser takes 30 seconds if that and makes a difference to your complexion without looking like you have anything on. It's a bit £££ though but lasts me a while.

Cuddlemuffin · 04/10/2021 20:05

I am exactly the same bit I have 3 children under 6. I find time to do my hair and makeup because in too insecure to go out without. Tips for hair would be to consider keratin straightening. It's expensive but lasts about 6 months. Dry shampoo and a plait is my other go to. With make up I'm just really quick at doing it now! 10 mins for SPF, foundation, bronzer. Blusher, eyebrows, mascara, lip stain. Sounds mental that I'm doing that for the bloody school run but I just feel like crap otherwise! My face without makeup doesn't even register as my own in the mirror x

DameMaureen · 04/10/2021 20:19

Get a good haircut that suits your hair and make time to do your face - it doesn't take long and baby can be at your feet when you do so . When I had mine and I was working I had a duplicate make up bag at work .

RobinPenguins · 04/10/2021 20:23

I’ve given up on styling my hair these days, dry shampoo and mam bun most of the time. I spend about 4 minutes putting on bb cream or light foundation, concealer, blusher, mascara, tight lining my eyes and using boy brow on my eyebrows.

ShellfishLove · 04/10/2021 20:30

Whilst it was hard when my children were babies, I made a promise to myself that I would ensure I always did my hair and make up every day as it was just non negotiable for me (for similar reasons to yourself)…now they are older, they know and accept that it is part of my daily routine. I have most certainly streamlined things, but I feel confident enough to happily go out and about and enjoy the occasions when I can spend more time on myself (nights out etc)

DelphiniumBlue · 04/10/2021 20:34

No point in feeling rubbish about yourself - we all know that in an ideal word everyone would be happy to wander around without make-up/hairstyling, but sadly not everyone has the confidence to do that.
So it's a question of what can you do in minimal time.
Personally, I'd get my eyelashes and brows dyed ( or do it yourself) so then you are already off to a good start. Get a pencil eyeliner, don't bother with elaborate wings that can go wrong, just run the pencil across your eyelids in the right place - takes about 10 seconds per eye.
If you look too ghostly without it, add a bit of cream blusher with your fingers, and then lip balm or lipstick, takes another few seconds. I find a strong lipstick makes me look groomed, but use whatever colour works for you. A lipstain can work well.
Get your hair cut into a style where you can wash it and either leave it to dry naturally, or blast it with a hairdryer while hanging your head down and ruffle with the other hand for fullness. Don't go for short hair unless you've got time to spend on styling every day. Learn how to do some sort of bun or ponytail that is flattering, in case you wake up hating your hair.

BeeTweep · 04/10/2021 20:54

Get an eyebrow and eyelash tinting kit and learn to do your own. After a few goes it's easy. Takes 45 minutes every fortnight.

And some erborian bb cream. It makes a huge difference when you don't have time to put foundation and powder on.

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 04/10/2021 21:03

Do you want to not bother with it?
I haven't bothered with hair & makeup for a few years now & no one has laughed at me in the street.
Just try it OP, it's quite liberating. And it doesn't mean you can't get glammed up when you have the time, it just means you are not scared of going about your daily life without the help of cosmetics.

coffeeschmoffee · 04/10/2021 21:06

Also seconding Erborian cc cream. I'd never go back to foundation now and it takes 30 seconds to apply. I do that plus super fast eye pencil and mascara. I also now have a hair cut that looks nice with my natural waves, I just blow dry the front for 3 mins to stop kinks close to the hairline then just scrunch the rest with water and boots curl cream, it dries in lovely waves and I squeeze the crunchy bits out if that makes sense. Smart winter coat and you're good to go.

gunnersgold · 04/10/2021 21:07

I don't either , so I don't ! I've got my routine down to 5 mins , just work on getting quicker !

Blondiney · 04/10/2021 21:58

That very processed, ironed hair actually looks a bit dated now. All the pretty young things round here are embracing their natural texture. That's what I tell myself anyway.

RampantIvy · 04/10/2021 22:04

I think you are right Blondiney. I don't see poker straight hair these days.

MythicalBiologicalFennel · 04/10/2021 22:09

@Blondiney

That very processed, ironed hair actually looks a bit dated now. All the pretty young things round here are embracing their natural texture. That's what I tell myself anyway.
I agree and have noticed this, too.

OP I would get a haircut that flatters your natural wave and focus on conditioning it, nurturing it and making it look its best. It sounds like your hair needs a rest from the straightening routine anyway.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 04/10/2021 22:19

Can you not simplify your make up routine to 5 mins? You don't have to go nature.

I started getting used to my naturally wavy hair over lockdown, look out for specific products so it stays manageable.

bridgeofslides · 04/10/2021 22:24

It's hard to accept going from one end of the spectrum to the other. You need to go down in stages IMO.

I can accept going out with nothing on my skin now but I do eyebrows and mascara only. I thought today wow my skin is so clear. I would be horrified with how I looked today in the past.

I do my hair in a messy bun unless I'm going somewhere nice.

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