Hate going out in public with no makeup and my natural wavy hair

[purrfection]

I've worn makeup since I was 16 (late thirties now) and I have always hated being seen without makeup. I look like a totally different person and no this isn't a case of 'I'm sure you're naturally pretty'. Makeup does wonders for me and that's fine but I now have a 10 month old and do not have the time or energy to paint my face. But the biggest issue is I'm extremely insecure without it. I don't want to leave the house which isn't good for me or my baby. My natural hair is also dry, frizzy and wavy and I have straightened it to death since 16 too. It is now extremely fine and damaged, I don't have much hair left and I don't want to straighten it anymore, but my natural hair looks so unkempt. I feel without my hair and makeup done I look dirty and a mess. I'm not sure if I should work towards being more accepting or my natural state and if so how do I do this? Or if I need to find time to dedicate to putting some effort into my appearance?

Hello OP.

Sorry to hear you feel this way, lots of women do.

I am lucky not to and so I find it just terrible so many women just cannot feel like leaving the house unless xyz is done.

I think-

1. Wear a nifty hat! A technique loved by famous women when popping out, hair not done and know will be papped. Quick easy and effective.

I'm not well at the mo and really need a cut (short hair). It's getting all curly and I don't like it that way. Bung on a hat! BOOM. job done.

1. It's hard when you have done full make up for years.

It's how you feel about yourself more than what others will see? Your feelings are unrelated to anything outside of your head. When you go out. Look at other women. Notice them. I mean don't stare! But. Don't just notice the women you think look great. Notice all of them. Loads will have no makeup. And be tootling around happily. Older younger all sorts. Some look gorgeous without. Most look normal. Normal is fine. When you are out, try and pull yourself out of your internal thoughts and really notice others. Women men girls boys. Some look great. Most look just. Normal. And that's aok. Normal is not a problem. It's how most look on the high street etc.

1. Work on your self esteem. I don't know about that but other posters will.

What I do know is every time you go out with a bit less makeup etc. It's a WIN. and nothing will happen hardly anyone will even notice you. No problem. And each time you do that you will feel that bit more comfy.

With a baby it's hard anyway. Without feeling you can't pop out.

Chin up. Deep breath. Little less makeup. Really great hat on your style. (I wear USA army ones ). And go for it!

I hope that you can get to grips with this, step at a time maybe, and stop feeling this way :)

I empathise - without eyeliner, my eyes disappear. Strange, as with make up they’re rather striking. Get a simplified routine, tie your hair back and crack on.

I used to straighten mine to death, now I don't, I look after it, I use serum to help manage frizz and it looks better than it ever has.
My hair looks better than it ever has, I wish I would have done it years ago.
Ditch the straighteners wavy hair is in.

OP try tinted moisturiser and blush - takes two seconds and works wonders!

For the frizzy wavy hair - I have this. Try a leave in conditioner or moroccan oil, something heavy to weight it down, and if you can let it dry naturally or with a quick upside down blow dry. Use your fingers or a very wide tooth comb to detangle it, not a brush. If you brush it, it will just frizz.

For make up Imm not the best person to ask as I don’t like a heavy make up look. Maybe try just some eyeliner and blusher? And as someone upthread start noticing how other women look, you may find that most aren’t wearing make up. But that depends a bit if you’re in Essex or Camden etc

Hats

The thing I love about winter is you can shove a hat on when popping out.

I plait my hair a lot to cover it not being washed etc when necessary

Make up

Concentrate on the main issue ie eyes how can you speed it up.

My issue was skin texture so I always put on foundation no matter what and powder to set. If time then mascara then lipstick

I always have a makeup bag in my bag so I can apply as and when throughout the morning.

Oh and sunglasses are your friend in the summer

I too wear makeup every day and it’s easy to do quickly even with a young child. In fact DS used to watch and “do his makeup” with me 🤣

I’d get a routine down - ten minutes max and you’ll feel so much better!

As regards hair, my friend has really curly hair and has embraced it after years of straightening and it looks so much healthier and thicker. I’d get a good cut from a hairdresser who understands curls abd just go with it.

Oh, and look at Hannah Martin makeup artist on Instagram for easy makeup routines.

Wear a hat and a face mask.

Would your ideal outcome here be (1) to be able to do the stuff that currently makes you feel better about yourself fast (so it is achievable with baby in tow) or (2) to not feel the need to do that stuff? No judgment either way - I was camp (2) which is easier if you have a certain level of confidence I think (honestly no one really notices what others have done hair or make up wise). If you want to do that you just bite the bullet and remember that most people won’t register what is on your face at all and you will rapidly stop caring about the small minority that might. A close friend was camp (1) so for her, dyson hairdryer thing, tinted moisturiser and mascara were her go to items and were enough for her to feel happy.

@Wbeezer

You could look up the curly girl method for working with your natural hair texture. It has really helped the condition of my previously frizzy hair.

Curly girl method has literally changed my life!

Not much good to you OP but this is exactly the reason I would caution any teenage girl/young woman against acquiring the daily habit of makeup. Aside from the arguments about why we feel the need to present a 'face' to the world, it is so hard to give up or wean oneself off it. Not least because of you always wear makeup, you don't have that natural glow from having the sun and air on your face so DO look a bit washed out without it. I never wear any kind of foundation, bar for interviews, weddings etc and am so glad I never did. I always wear lipstick though, I think I need something to fight the blandness. I do occassionally look around when I'm at events and think, do I look very unpolished but it's a fleeting feeling and I comfort myself with the knowledge that I am saving money and resources, don't have to take it off at the end of the day and don't have to worry about new boyfriends getting a fright seeing me without it. They know what they are getting!

I know what you mean about make-up making a big difference to your appearance. If I don't wear it I look unwell. Over lockdown I stopped wearing any though as there was no point and I got used to seeing my face bare. Now I wear it most of the time but can go out without.

My hair is a nightmare. Thin, brittle, fine. The things that have really helped have been ferrous fumerate for low ferritin, vitamin D supplement, regular trims and olaplex 8 hair mask. I do use 0&3 too but the most noticeable improvement is in taming frizzinesss and giving hair a shine. I think the longer you go without wearing makeup the easier it is to get used to how you look and realise it's not the end of the world to go out without it even if you do think you look better with it.

On quiet at home days I go without makeup, Sometimes I'll use concealer or tinted moisturiser, a dab of bronzer or blusher, eyeliner and tinted lipbalm if I think I'll see anyone.

You soon get used to it

With your hair, get a cut that works with your hair not against it. It's a lifesaver if you are battling unruly hair. You'll need a hair stylist who can cut wavy hair. An expensive hairdresser might not mean a good cut - I'd recommend a stylist who remembers the 1980s.

A good cut means you don't have to spend ages styling your hair for it to look ok.

@Wbeezer

You could look up the curly girl method for working with your natural hair texture. It has really helped the condition of my previously frizzy hair.

Agree with this. I failed at going curly because my hair is naturally wavy so I quit with the fussing about and just co-wash and then I style my hair, but I allow it to semi dry in the towel before drying and straightening.

I find that shampoo = frizz.

You do not need excessive amounts of make-up to look good. Over the summer I used Dove self tanning moisturiser every day. It made my skin look healthy. and took no amount of my time.

Another vote for a minimal make look. Takes 3/4 minutes and definitely takes the edge off. for untamed hair some times I just split it into 4 and curl the bottom of each piece then run your fingers through , takes about 2/3 mins, I do bb cream and blusher and mascara while the straightener heats up.
I also regularly go bare faced but find if my face and hair are natural I feel ‘ scruffy’ for want of a better word so I usually try for one or the other. Yes to hats and baseball caps !