Advice on changing my style (small steps!)

[Magnificentbeast]

Hi, I use the term 'style' very loosely!
I tend to wear jeans and v neck t-shirts all the time. I am so bored of it but I have really low confidence when it comes to clothes and so make very safe choices. I'm mid 40s, 5ft 1 and a size 12/14 so over the years I've found that my choices are restricted by what suits my height and shape. And almost anything I buy which isn't jeans/tshirt needs altering. Where do people like me buy their clothes?!
I have read some really sound advice on this board and I am asking for help with ideas on how to make braver choices but using very small steps away from my jeans/t-shirt/trainers combo.
I wfh home so my main daily outings are the school run, walking or food shopping/errands and the odd social eating out with friends. I want some variety of choice when I get dressed in the morning and also to be more 'well presented' without feeling over dressed. I have a mental block and just don't know where to start. Please help!
Thanks in advance!

I am a very simular age, size and height to you and having the same problem. I need to refresh my wardrobe (as in, get some clothes without holes in them!) and I find myself searching for the same old safe options. I've always been a keen charity shopper too so cost is not always a huge issue but I never seem to find the confidence to actually wear something different.

Sorry this isn't very helpful!

Do you wear dresses at all?

I would try baby steps, so initially make keep the jeans but switch to a boxy non-stretch top or a simple button up top. Then a step further with something like a silky blouse or sheer top over a vest.

It's helpful to know it's not just me! It's so frustrating. I order of buy things and then keeping trying them on until I change my mind and send the back.

I would love to but from where I am at the moment it seems very brave - and yes I realise how ridiculous I sound.
I ordered several online over the summer trying to find a style that suits me, dithered and then sent them all back. I've just tried on a denim pinafore style dress and, even though I think it looks ok, the dithering has begun again!

Is there like a 'beginner' style for dresses that I could try do you think?

Some ideas:

• update your jeans shape
• add a "third piece" (e.g. jacket, gilet, belt, chunky cardigan, statement shoes, scarf, big earrings, hat)
• get some new trainers
• wear a blouse or shirt instead of a t-shirt

Yes, maybe just try changing one thing i.e the top first. Thanks.

I'm not short but thought this might help you pick a nice dress. I'd say start with a casual wrap dress with leggings and work your way up.
Have you tried jeggings and tunics? You could start phasing in some t shirt shaped tunics and then gradually change to something more adventurous.
I am a size 14 ish at present and live in Fatfacw Simone dresses. They update the colours every year and you can find them for about £15 on eBay.

blog.petitedressing.com/dresses-for-short-women/#:~:text=Wrap%20dresses%20are%20universally%20flattering,(such%20as%20rectangle%20shape).

I agree, try swapping out t shirts for tops (if that makes sense - anything a bit more interesting than a plain T-shirt) and wear with your jeans you already have to start with. If you didn’t want to spend too much you could start with depop or Vinted (use filters for colour and size or it can be overwhelming, or look at brands if you have some you know fit you). Baby steps and try and enjoy wearing different colours and shapes, and build up to dresses etc if they seem daunting now

If you wear t-shirts, you could try a t-shirt dress in the same shape (round neck, v-neck etc) H&M always have tons in stock.

If there’s one near you and you fancy really shaking things up you could book a John Lewis personal shopper appointment. Not done it myself but heard good things on here from those who have.

Try "elevating" what you already wear
More fashionable jeans or different trousers (they can still be shortened)
Jumper, stylish sweatshirt or jacket instead of t shirt
Boots or more stylish trainers instead of everyday trainers
A bit more attention to hair and make up
one or two accessories - don't over do it but look like you didn't just put on the essentials.

I'm short too, my sewing machine gets plenty of use taking up trousers and sleeves.

I'm 5ft3 and also live in jeans and jumpers in the winter, I brought a couple of midi shirt dresses which can be worn open with your jeans as a top layer, and worn just as a dress, in winter I wear it with a thermal top and thermal leggings underneath.

I've found the personal stylist Lizzie Edwards to have useful and realistic tips for mature women (such a dreadful term). She offers advice to really just elevate your personality through your clothing. She's on YouTube, Insta, her website. I really liked the book she wrote a few years ago too.

Omg, this is so me. I've tried and returned two denim pinafores in the last week! I'm currently dithering about some dungarees and a smock-type dress! Both inoffensive enough but I cant seem to commit.

@NotImpossible I feel the same about dungarees, after reading on here that so many people like them I ordered 3 different brands from John Lewis to try, but none looked right. I do have a denim pinafore dress that I only wear occasionally.

Take a look at the "Putting Me Together" blog, she's so clever, basically wears jeans and t shirts but makes them look great by adding an accessory. Really worth a look! She's petite too.

@NotImpossible

Omg, this is so me. I've tried and returned two denim pinafores in the last week! I'm currently dithering about some dungarees and a smock-type dress! Both inoffensive enough but I cant seem to commit.

Some encouraging and useful replies, thank you. No one would believe how anxious trying new clothes makes me feel. Hopefully I won't pass it down to my two wonderful dds.

That's so funny @NotImpossible I currently have two pinafore dresses that I'm dithering about.

Ok, maybe I can add something useful here. I think part of the problem might be not wanting to waste money on something you won't end up wearing - I know that if I'm unsure I just don't buy (or I uses to buy and regret/never wear). Therefore I'd always revert to the same old 'safe' items.

I get around this by buying used items in decent brands (that I know will resell). Then there's no 'limit' to decide/return the item and I can even wear it a couple of times on small outings to get a feel for it. I know this is massively overthinking buying clothes but overthinking is what I do

Of course, this does assume that you have the time and inclination to browse and list on eBay regularly....

This was me at the beginning of the year too. I didn’t buy any clothes after we locked down in March, because it didn’t seem worth it when I only really left the house for the school run. A year later everything was too tight had holes in and needed to be replaced.

I decided to do jeans first and ordered lots of different styles from boden I chose boden because they have a good petite range and easy returns. The other option was M&S. Out of the dozens of pairs I ordered, I only kept three (two pairs of straight legs and a pair of mom jeans). They weren’t out of my comfort zone but felt refreshing to have something different.

At the time I didn’t feel ready for dresses but ordered a couple of jumpsuits and kept them. I tried dungarees too but they weren’t for me. Gradually as I’ve added dresses to the wardrobe as I’ve become more comfortable with the small changes.

I’ve kept an idea on what real people I see regularly are wearing, so mums on the school run, rather than bloggers and copied things I liked. I’ve also tried to stay practical as I know that I’ll get far more wear out of clothes that work for my lifestyle.

@NotImpossible you've hit the nail on the head. Staying safe and avoiding spending money on stuff I feel too self conscious to wear.

Good point about buying from eBay and then having the option to try clothes out a few times. Hadn't thought of it like that before.

Yes @karmakameleon I was pretty bad before lockdown but during those months I really didn't need to think about clothes and it's all a bit daunting now.

It's funny you mention jeans as I've recently been unsure about whether I'm wearing the right style for me anymore. I think they did suit me at one point - and I bought a few pairs - but now I have lost the plot a bit! I could also be (definitely am) overthinking things a lot. Thanks for sharing what you did about it. Sounds like a very practical approach.

I also agree about keeping an eye out for how other people do it.

@Tryingtogetitright

Take a look at the "Putting Me Together" blog, she's so clever, basically wears jeans and t shirts but makes them look great by adding an accessory. Really worth a look! She's petite too.

I will take a look at this. Sounds helpful. Thanks.