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Original poster

what would make you say "You are not going out in that"?

75 replies

MeiganMcSeinna6 · 23/08/2021 00:54

to your children

i would say

too much makeup

OP posts:
UnashamedLabelHo · 23/08/2021 16:48

Stains on their clothes at the moment!

HoHobaaa · 23/08/2021 16:54

At primary school age, it would have been anything extremely weather inappropriate. Saying that, when they got to the annoyingly irrational 'don't want to wear a coat' stage in Y6 I just thought, well be cold then!

Beyond that, I've never said it. I've never commented on my daughters outfits, and I never let her dad say anything either. She's now early 20's and yes, sometimes wears revealing clothing, but as often as not, is happy to go out in a hoodie and jeans without a scrap of make up.

Confusedandshaken · 23/08/2021 17:31

I sometimes wanted to say it but I never did. The closest I came was occasionally saying that while X outfit looked lovely, it made them look older than they were and they might attract attention from older boys or men. The thought of old men (which to them meant anyone over 18!) hitting on them was enough to make them change. But for some girls it might not be a deterrent!

BaronessEllaSaturday · 23/08/2021 17:47

Their body, their choice what they put on it as long as the outfit is suitable for the occasion so no crop tops and shorts for a funeral, no long white dresses for a wedding beyond that if they want to wear shorts showing their bum cheeks, go ahead.

As for controlling their make up once they were a suitable age to actually have any then again their choice if they want to look like coco the clown, sometimes you learn best by making errors, I might make suggestions but never out right refuse.

Thecazelets · 23/08/2021 17:58

Only obviously dirty/holey/really crumpled stuff, and then only if they're going out with me. So I made one of them change out of an ancient and very stained and yellowed band t-shirt yesterday because we were all going to a smartish restaurant for lunch, but did not comment on the 16 year old's micro skirt and DM boots.

They've all tended towards the oversized, scruffy and dishevelled look rather than anything 'revealing' though so it's been fairly easy so far. I like to think I'd be true to my view that apart from the above no-one's clothing should be policed, but not sure how I'd actually approach it if I thought something was truly inappropriate to wear out of the house.

SirenSays · 23/08/2021 18:13

Clothing that's not appropriate for the weather, or dirty clothing, that's about it.

ActonSquirrel · 23/08/2021 19:27

Or if you really want a teen to go off wearing something say that looks lovely dear Grin

Kanaloa · 23/08/2021 19:34

@ActonSquirrel

Or if you really want a teen to go off wearing something say that looks lovely dear Grin
Or oooh think I’ll get one of those, we can twin it when we go out!
JaggedNail · 23/08/2021 19:37

I've boys and I've never said it. I sometimes "suggest" to DS2 that his long hair needs a wash but ultimately it's up to him.

How they look isn't particularly important to me.

Jjacobb · 23/08/2021 20:58

I'm more likely to say that to dh rather than my girls 😀

Dd2 is an athlete and trains most days so she lives in leggings and a crop top. I do ask her to wear a t shirt over the crop top.

DietrichandDiMaggio · 23/08/2021 22:07

@stripedbananas

My DD has an amazing figure so I let her wear what she wants so long as her underwear isn't showing.
Do you mean if she didn't have an amazing figure you would try to stop her wearing some things?
mrsrobin · 23/08/2021 22:24

Lol, when my mother said I couldn't go out in my (very alternative) clothes, I just put them in a bag and changed while out!
It would encourage me to wear something more if parents didn't like it!

shinynewapple21 · 23/08/2021 22:37

DS had a band T shirt with some song lyrics that were basically 'fuck you , fuck it, fuck everything ' (words along those lines ) . That T shirt spent a lot of time in the bottom of the wash basket .

NotMyCat · 23/08/2021 23:22

My dad used to ask if I was going to hang the pelmet back up when I was done wearing it (skirt too short)
To be fair I never really wore anything very crazy and they were fairly laid back (I went clubbing from 16 and no curfew..)

FatAnkles · 23/08/2021 23:32

Anything dirty or obviously in need of an iron, or if her arse or nips were showing.

She dresses very conservatively actually, and would be mortified if she suffered a "wardrobe malfunction".

ToykotoLosAngeles · 23/08/2021 23:50

When older, rips in the upper back legs of DS's jeans (where short shorts end on women). My old boss had some that flashed his undies!

Otherwise - I'll probably just tell him when he's smelly and say no to swearing on tops.

54321nought · 23/08/2021 23:52

what would make you say "You are not going out in that"?

nothing really

bikini in a snow storm?

or just a snowstorm,

Galassia · 24/08/2021 06:13

Unkempt/scruffy, revealing or cheap looking clothing.

HelloDulling · 24/08/2021 07:10

@Hungry675tf

Crop tops in young DC. Not that mine own them, but I really don't like sexualised clothing on children and consider crop tops in this bracket.

Anything noticeably dirty.

When you have young children, it’s not an issue because you do the buying. So young children in crop tops have been bought them by parents who are happy with them. It’s when they get to 14/15 and come home with a Primark carrier that you have to decide to bite your tongue or not.
withlotsoflove · 24/08/2021 07:48

@stripedbananas

My DD has an amazing figure so I let her wear what she wants so long as her underwear isn't showing.
Confused And if she didn’t have an amazing figure How unusual.
Aroundtheworldin80moves · 24/08/2021 07:54

Inappropriate slogans (not that I think they would buy them!)

We have on occasion told younger DD to put shorts or leggings on under her 'dress'... it the dress is actually a long top (shes 8, and grows out of dresses length wise rather than getting too tight)

Shes got a bikini but 9nly wears it at home in the pool.. she accepts its not for swimming lessons orthe beach for practical reasons.

Positivelyrandom · 24/08/2021 08:24

Dirty clothes. See through with no bra. When asked if I like something or if it’s suitable, I give my honest opinion, but wouldn’t do that unsolicited.

VikingVolva · 24/08/2021 08:34

Shoes she can't run in, unless she's going to carry a pair she can change in to

I'll sometimes suggest a coat (ha!) or a big shirt to cover very revealing tops during her journey. Sad reflection of toxic masculinity that such a warning seems like a good idea. I'd rather the effort went in to bringing men up not to be creeps, not in having to teach the girls how to deal with a world where they abound

Amrythings · 24/08/2021 11:24

Laddered tights. On a near daily basis, no matter how many I buy.

Thought we were free now that she's finished school and she promptly stared wearing fishnets everywhere and ladders those instead!

Sickoffamilydrama · 24/08/2021 11:45

Nothing their body their choice.

They know there are certain "rules" to events and your clothing can if not meeting those rules appear disrespectful.

It's also perfectly normal for teens especially to use clothes as a form of identity and to explore their sexuality, it's okay for teens to want to be attractive to other teens and experiment with different looks.

I think it's important to allow them to do that without alienating them. I spend more time teaching them about boundaries, consent and red flags rather than policing their clothing or make up.