Do I need a "mother of the bride" outfit?

[MusicMenu]

Actually I'm mother of the groom, does that make a difference?

I struggle with wedding outfits full stop TBH. It always seems to me guests are almost in fancy dress, dressed up as wedding guests rather than themselves. I prefer a summer dress or a suit that I'll wear for other occasions and is more "me".

At all the weddings I've been to recently (I mean in the last 10 years!) the mothers seem to have some sort of dress and coat combo that is very obviously a mother of the bride outfit, probably with shoes from the same fabric.

Can I wear something more "ordinary" without offending the bride and her mother?

It would be something good, I'd spend equivalent money, but on something I actually like.

Honestly, wear what you like and what suits you.

A fitted dress with a jacket? A fitted dress with a bolero? A dress with a 'duster' coat that matches?

A lot depends on the weather. There are some beautiful dresses around for summer weddings that you could easily wear many times.

I totally get you. I know that style well.
It can look contrived / dated.
My favourite mother of the groom outfit was a deep green off the shoulder dress with pretty shoes. She looked wonderful.

A fitted dress with a jacket? A fitted dress with a bolero? A dress with a 'duster' coat that matches?

Those are all exactly the look I'd prefer to avoid. When else would you wear any of those?

@Woodlandbelle

I totally get you. I know that style well. It can look contrived / dated. My favourite mother of the groom outfit was a deep green off the shoulder dress with pretty shoes. She looked wonderful.

Yes, that sound much more like it.

I think those mother of the bride combos are usually for older/less in shape women as they cover shoulders/upper arms, skim stomachs etc
If you don't need that style of clothing I think once you've clearly made the effort to look well then choosing something that suits you better and you will wear again makes sense.
If the climate doesn't guarantee a warm dry day it can make as much sense to get a matching jacket/coat as a dressy one that doesn't match if you don't go many formal events.
If you would use a smart spring coat apart from the wedding then something like that makes more sense.

@MusicMenu

A fitted dress with a jacket? A fitted dress with a bolero? A dress with a 'duster' coat that matches?

Those are all exactly the look I'd prefer to avoid. When else would you wear any of those?

I think you misunderstood?

The jacket and bolero would be ones you could wear again and again with any other outfit. They weren't matchy-matchy the same as the dress. I didn't mean a pastel shade in some kind of brocade or organza.

Honestly, wear what you like and what suits you

Ooooh. What if what suits the OP is a long white dress with a veil?! Imagine the thread on here from the DIL.

Personally I think non-mother of the bride outfits are much nicer. The formal dress, matching sensible low heel, bolero (bleugh) and safe hat and handbag all in matching shades of pastel is really dated. Much fresher to have a nice dress you’d normally wear.

MOB outfits are vile. (Though I do think wedding clothes should convey 'celebration' - in terms of more extravagant fabric, cut, colour, what have you. Just more of what the wearer is at their finest.)

What are your size, style, budget?

This is the sort of thing I usually wear for a wedding, although I don't like the handkerchief hem, something soft and flowy.

5'7" Size 10, 50yo, short natural blonde hair. Reasonably well groomed hair, eyebrows etc but natural look with little make up, is my usual way.

You need to make a decision on the venue and the weather and how much time you will be outside.

Yes, by all means wear a dress but if it's got short sleeves, and it's freezing, then what? You'd need a jacket, a pashmina (expect you hate those too! :) ) or a bolero (a bolero is a cropped cardi with no buttons- not some fancy thing in silk matching a sikly dress.)

So your starting point is

long sleeves, short or no sleeves
favourite shops and brand
budget
colour - matching with button holes or flowers at the venue or not?

@MusicMenu

This is the sort of thing I usually wear for a wedding, although I don't like the handkerchief hem, something soft and flowy.

5'7" Size 10, 50yo, short natural blonde hair. Reasonably well groomed hair, eyebrows etc but natural look with little make up, is my usual way.

So just wear something like that but have a cover-up of some sort if it's cold or wet.

@MusicMenu - understand how you feel. Think fitted dresses with a jacket, bolero or a dress with a pashmina are really dated and ageing - as are a lot of outfits advertised for wedding guests. I like the dress you suggested - I think I would go for great quality fabric, good quality accessories so that you look stylish and 'expensive' and in turn dressed for a special occasion. I am sure your son will want to see his mum (therefore something in your usual style)

What would you wear with that if it was cold?

Is it a hat type wedding?

I've been both , as the mother of the bride I wore a purple swing dress with attached necklace and silver sandals and for my son's I wore a sleeveless crinkle dress and a matching short jacket the same sandal, they got married within a few months of each other. I would ask your son how formal it's going to be. Neither of mine had formal weddings.

I think it depends on the style of the wedding too. Formal church/hotel/sit down meal and speeches calls for a more formal style than a band and a buffet type affair.

I was 48 when my daughter married and the mother of bride outfits were hideous, designed for frumpy women with peplums, boleros and frills. I ended up going against the grain with a lovely Fenn Wright Manson dress with nice shoes and bag. I thought it was very me and was perfect for the day

I'd be very tempted by this dress for the right sort of wedding this Summer. (If only I had the necessary height.)

@MusicMenu

This is the sort of thing I usually wear for a wedding, although I don't like the handkerchief hem, something soft and flowy.

5'7" Size 10, 50yo, short natural blonde hair. Reasonably well groomed hair, eyebrows etc but natural look with little make up, is my usual way.

I think that dress is lovely and if you will wear it again then definitely worth going for rather than something that will just gather dust in a wardrobe. Maybe a fancy fascinator and matching shoes/bag to jooj it up a bit and make it look more special than a regular guest outfit

Personally I’d go for something like this (and with two adult sons in long term relationships it might be something I need to think about pretty soon).

www.monsoon.co.uk/artisan-rosanna-embellished-midi-dress-blue-74186302.html

What about something like this

Or this, possibly shortened a little. Gorgeous with a fierce Rick Owens jacket ...

An answer to your OP, nope you don't need a traditional mother of the bride outfit! My mam struggled when me and my sister were getting married.
The outfits shown would suit my mothers aunties and my grandma.
In the end my mam for my wedding used a bridesmaid dress design and had a jacket made with the same material. She is tall and slim so suited a long dress. She had many compliments and she looked beautiful. For my sisters wedding she had her dress made.

Have you considered a jump suit? Really glamorous and modern.

When I was mother of the groom ( step mum in reality) I looked at some of the Spanish designers. Carla Ruiz has modern occasion wear, which are MOB but different to our expectations.

I absolutely love this one from Baker I don’t know if it’s your style?

Why dont you ask the bride and her mother?