I look so haggard

[Isitnormalornot1]

I’m 36 and I have three kids. I try to live pretty healthily but I have been through over 6 years of severe sleep deprivation. My 2nd child has some behavioral issues and didn’t sleep properly for 4 years , I mean he woke up every hour or more for years no exaggeration ( severe reflux), I had a 3rd child who slept a bit better but once started teething slept v v badly also for two years.
My 3rd magically started sleeping through just before they turned three. I thought I’d feel a lot better but I don’t. I’ve had bloods done and I had anemia due to heavy periods, I’ve been taking iron and my last bloods showed a good improvement and periods much better but I still don’t feel loads of energy.
My dcs are v v full on. I adore them but they have bags of energy and fight a lot which I find so draining. I also work part-time but around pre school and school as there is v little childcare available where we live.
I still run a few times a week (a few kms so not excessive), my day starts at 6am (I work ) and finishes at 9pm.
I just feel very low as I look like absolute crap, I’m slim and fit but I have lines and bags under my eyes , loads is lines everywhere tbh.
I actually got Botox on my frown lines as they were like train tracks and they are v softened but still have loads of horizontal lines (only had Botox on the frown lines ).
I just feel so fed up , is it just my age? I see people my age who look so much fresher and better. I drink loads of water, have always worn spf, I try and get 7 hours sleep a night ( I always feel I need more) , I eat a very healthy diet but I drink too much coffee.
Does anyone have any advice or beauty treatments . I exfoliate and I use a moisturizer etc.

Is your skin still dehydrated, I felt similar to you and I looked better after using more hyaluronic acid serum, moisturiser etc. It isn’t a miracle worker.
I always looked better with less caffeine and less alcohol too, although I don’t always keep to that.

Thanks for the reply, maybe it is. I’m a total coffee addict as it’s my go to with long, tiring days. I think I need to reduce it and make a really conscious effort with water intake.

My life sounds similar OP (except only 2 kids) and I feel exactly the same r.e. Haggardness! Not really any solutions to suggest but you are not alone!

@imamearcat, thanks for the solidarity . Tbh I thought it would be easier by now as my eldest is 9 but I guess my youngest is only three and and a very, very busy three year old. They all are.
I just felt so low this evening after I saw a photo of myself, it’s the typical thing of how the mirror lies..
I looked like a wreak, lots of crepiness under the eyes and lines everywhere, I just look so strained...😢

I feel your pain, I had dc3 who didn’t sleep for three years, I was broken. Honestly the only thing that made me look better was being well rested. I went to bed at 9pm or even when the kids went to bed to just catch up on sleep, I did it for ages. I started to feel normal again and could cope with my family and work.

I listened to a sleep expert and they explained it like you are using a sleep bank, you take too much out and you go over drawn. Every little nap and sleep goes into the sleep bank until you are topped up

I feel the same, I'm a similar age to you my youngest didn't sleep for 2.5 years and every sleepless night shows! Sometimes I don't recognise myself in the mirror!
Botox and a good skin routine helps but it still shows in my eyes... I'm logging off to get some sleep now, I loved the sleep bank analogy from the pp above!

Definitely try and get more sleep.

Do you use a really good moisturiser?

Have you tried a retinol cream? Vitamin C serums are good for getting a glow back.

What’s your diet like? Lots of good fats help the skin. So salmon, nuts, avocados.. Plus exercise.

You are still quite young so it sounds like tiredness and maybe dehydration. Subtle Botox all over the forehead could help with the other lines.

For context I am 10 years older than you and have a 3 and 5 year old who are a total handful and didn’t sleep for years and I need 9 hours sleep minimum to avoid the living dead girl look! Keeping up a decent skin care routine helps too when I’m not too tired 😴

Retinoids, clean glossy hair covering your face, azelaic acid too. And try to smile!

No alcohol.
Exercise.
Sleep.
Water.

But failing all else: Chanel Sublimage. Use once a day. Costs about £1.50 a day. One pot last 6 months. Buy it at Boots abd get double points.

It is better than Botox. There is no question that it will work.

I am living proof ☺️

And Charlotte Tilbury bronzer and eyeshadow.

I feel your pain OP. Similar terrible sleepers here.

I've found glycolic acid morning and night followed by a really good moisturiser (I use clinique moisture surge intense) really improves my skin brightness. I use the very cheap superdrug glycolic acid, it makes a significant noticeable difference to my skin.

A friend had really bad under eye bags/shadows and she had 1ml of fillers under both eyes. Very subtle, not sure what it's called, but clearly effective

Following this for advice 🤣 ive 2 DC one almost 3 and the other 8 months I'm 31 feel like I look about 80 hahaha

I don't think lockdown has helped tho!!! Absolutely knackering

I'll be asking santa for some wonder creams

I have to say a tiny bit of filler under the eyes is amazing. But accept you may want to stay away from invasive work for now. I’m 44 and had quite a bit of hollowing and lack of volume in this area. Now I wake up and look in the mirror and I don’t look knackered. Result! It’s better than Botox in this area I feel and lasts a lot longer. Actually also helps with lines and creepiness as well as volume.
You have to be very careful with filler in this area so need a highly recommended doctor.

You need rest.

It's a real shame you don't appear to have any family or close friends who might have bubbled with you and relieved the strain of constant childcare.

Other than rest, you need to be eating well. It doesn't sound as if you have enough time - but if you can manage a veg box delivery and some relaxed home cooking that would help.

In the long term it might be a bit of a waste to spend money on potions otherwise.

Thanks for the replies, really helpful and love the advice about a sleep bank, have written that down.
I have lots of family but they never , ever help. I was completely on my knees with my non sleeper and I got lots of sympathy and lovely messages but they’ll never help so I have to focus on what I can do.
I get a bit overwhelmed with all the products out there , I know that retin a is proven to work and I did try it before but not consistently and I know that it’s a slow burner so takes time and have to wear spf etc.
I don’t use expensive moisturizer as I’m actually really cynical as most creams just sit on the face and can’t really have that much of an impact but maybe I’m wrong. I do find a aveno really good for adding moisture but I get totally confused with acids , serums , toners etc.
At the moment money is tight too as have completed a big renovation.
Thinking about it I drink way too much coffee, I’ve never smoked but I often have a glass of wine or two on Friday (I don’t drink more than this as it affects my sleep etc) but as I’ve gotten older I can’t really tolerate it and I can see even one glass affects my skin the next day.
I think I have to push hard with being stricter with water intake and I need to reduce my caffeine (that’s my biggest vice) ..
I think for me it’s the sleep thing more than anything, I’ve always needed loads of sleep , pre kids I’d regularly sleep 10 hours a night 😂
I’m lucky if I manage 6 hours ( I often wake in the night as I’ve had to for years)... My days are so long , I counted that yesterday between work , looking after kids, house, cooking etc etc I was up (and working /physically doing stuff) for 16 hours. My dh is very hands on etc but he works in a very full on job. We also find weekends exhausting as though absolutely adorable our kids have a lot of energy and need to be worn out. We do swap over a good bit bit like everyone there’s always something to do. I think it’s the case of learning how to rest.

I’ve no issues with Botox but I’m terrified of filler near the eyes (I’m sure the risk is v small) as blindness is my biggest fear and there are too many important veins there. I was hoping to do some caci treatments but very low on funds at the mo.

I’d just say that you need to give yourself time to recover. Your body has been put through a lot with three pregnancies and all the sleepless nights, it will take a little while to recover. Plenty of sleep, good diet and skincare will work but it will take a bit of time. Look after yourself and spend time caring for yourself.

I can't magic away the lines but taking Vitamin D3 will make you feel less tired. Very cheap to take and since I have been taking it the tiredness is gone. I have more energy even though I am not getting more sleep. I don't take it in the summer when my body can absorb it from sunlight but from September to April I now take the maximum daily recommended safe dose and it has made a huge difference to me. I feel more bright and bouncy. I get.minr from Holland and Barrett bottle with yellow lid safe for vegitarians and take 3 tablets a day. Do try it for a month and you will notice s big difference.

Is vit D3 different to vit d? This advice is brilliant, thank you all.

I was feeling like this earlier in the year (41 with 2 kids, one of whom didn't sleep until 4.5!) What has made me feel/look better is; Botox in forehead and around eyes and a consistent skin routine which includes glycolic and hyaluronic acid. My skin looks so much brighter and hydrated. I use La Roche moisturiser so not cheap but not stupidly expensive. I drink too much coffee and nowhere near enough water but I look and feel much better than I did earlier in the year

Weaning off the excessive caffeine and upping your water intake would be a great and easy/cheap step!
Over the past several months I have become addicted to weighted blankets, which may help you, too. I sleep straight through the night (longer sleep and less broken sleep), which is nice. But the best part is that it keeps me comfortably and firmly in place, stopping me from constantly side-sleeping, which was giving me distinctly more pronounced eye wrinkles/creases on my favored side.

I'm pretty much same as you OP and I agree that sleep, vitamin D, and time to 'heal' from the early years are likely all you need. I'm a year older than you and while I don't look young, I don't think I look THAT horrific (anymore), whereas I absolutely looked haggard while in the throes of it all, 3 kids, work, etc. My skincare routine is quite minimal as my skin is sensitive so throwing layers of acidy stuff on it doesn't work.

Anyway I probably look my age, but I feel I at least look fresher and more alert generally than I did in the awful years where I probably just looked furious and beaten down all the time. Let yourself heal naturally as much as you can.

I've never had botox or fillers and tbh I'm so surprised so many people on MN get them so regularly at ages younger than mine, is it not very expensive?

It's awful though when you can't sleep even though your kids are finally sleeping. I do think vitamin D and exercise helps with this a little. I also suffer from restless legs at night too, if anyone has any wonder cure for that - taking a paracetamol helps but I don't want to do too much of that.