I look so haggard

[Isitnormalornot1]

I’m 36 and I have three kids. I try to live pretty healthily but I have been through over 6 years of severe sleep deprivation. My 2nd child has some behavioral issues and didn’t sleep properly for 4 years , I mean he woke up every hour or more for years no exaggeration ( severe reflux), I had a 3rd child who slept a bit better but once started teething slept v v badly also for two years.
My 3rd magically started sleeping through just before they turned three. I thought I’d feel a lot better but I don’t. I’ve had bloods done and I had anemia due to heavy periods, I’ve been taking iron and my last bloods showed a good improvement and periods much better but I still don’t feel loads of energy.
My dcs are v v full on. I adore them but they have bags of energy and fight a lot which I find so draining. I also work part-time but around pre school and school as there is v little childcare available where we live.
I still run a few times a week (a few kms so not excessive), my day starts at 6am (I work ) and finishes at 9pm.
I just feel very low as I look like absolute crap, I’m slim and fit but I have lines and bags under my eyes , loads is lines everywhere tbh.
I actually got Botox on my frown lines as they were like train tracks and they are v softened but still have loads of horizontal lines (only had Botox on the frown lines ).
I just feel so fed up , is it just my age? I see people my age who look so much fresher and better. I drink loads of water, have always worn spf, I try and get 7 hours sleep a night ( I always feel I need more) , I eat a very healthy diet but I drink too much coffee.
Does anyone have any advice or beauty treatments . I exfoliate and I use a moisturizer etc.

You literally could be me. I'm 40 with three kids aged 5 and under, the middle one is 3.6 and has never ever slept through the night, he's up about 3 times a night and the baby is a poor sleeper too. I run maybe 20km a week and lift weights a bit so my body is slim and looks alright considering, but my face is gaunt and haggard.

I had Botox on the number 11 lines which helped and then the next time got them done on the horizontal forehead lines and that helped a bit more.

I drink lots of water and eat ok but I look pretty rough and I don't know if this is just my face now. I feel your pain!

@floorplanner

I'm pretty much same as you OP and I agree that sleep, vitamin D, and time to 'heal' from the early years are likely all you need. I'm a year older than you and while I don't look young, I don't think I look THAT horrific (anymore), whereas I absolutely looked haggard while in the throes of it all, 3 kids, work, etc. My skincare routine is quite minimal as my skin is sensitive so throwing layers of acidy stuff on it doesn't work.

Anyway I probably look my age, but I feel I at least look fresher and more alert generally than I did in the awful years where I probably just looked furious and beaten down all the time. Let yourself heal naturally as much as you can.

I've never had botox or fillers and tbh I'm so surprised so many people on MN get them so regularly at ages younger than mine, is it not very expensive?

I think you'd be surprised how many people you know who have Botox. You genuinely wouldn't be able to tell I'd had it, I still have lines and my face moves etc, it's mainly celebrities who have the frozen shiny look.

It's about £200 a time and twice a year it's not really that much. I get literally nothing else done, no nails, spray tan, gym membership etc and get my hair cut about twice a year too, so it's affordable really.

I think Botox works whereas expensive creams don’t. The only skincare with any scientific evidence behind it on wrinkles is prescription strength Retin-a and spf. I don’t even use a moisturiser ! I use Altruist spf (£8). Though I didn’t start Botox until 42 and have had it very infrequently.

I would only have Botox every 9 months or so. I let it fully wear off so I don’t lose sight of what I look like! Next time I won’t do my eyes as I don’t like the effect there. Less is more.

I do spend money on a vitamin c serum but I feel serums are more effective than moisturisers.

It's about £200 a time and twice a year it's not really that much. I get literally nothing else done, no nails, spray tan, gym membership etc and get my hair cut about twice a year too, so it's affordable really.

Yes, that's not too bad, and you're right, I'm sure I'd be surprised at how many people are getting it done!

@floorplanner
Magnesium for restless legs

@lunalulu

No alcohol. Exercise. Sleep. Water.

But failing all else: Chanel Sublimage. Use once a day. Costs about £1.50 a day. One pot last 6 months. Buy it at Boots abd get double points.

It is better than Botox. There is no question that it will work.

I am living proof ☺️

Which product is it exactly? I googled it but it came up with a whole range.

@floorplanner. magnesium citate 400mg at night is miraculous for restless legs

Re the Botox, I never thought I’d get it but I had really , really strong lines like you’d get in a much older person, we’re talking crevices and and I couldn’t not scrunch up my forehead as it was stuck like that, it actually also felt horrible as the muscles were just stuck like that so loads of tension there. It was a huge relief to get it done tbh and I agree loads of plp get it but it’s quite subtle, I just don’t look angry all the time.
I think that’s why I’m cynical about creams etc , if they actually worked (bar retin a) why would things like Botox and filler even exist. They can’t get through the outer layer of the skin but I do think mosturiser can help a little.
The advice is really good here, I think I need to start from within. It is very hard to look after yourself when there’s other plp who need you 24/7.
And my poor dh also looks exhausted. But going to focus on what I can do and the simple things like sleep and not having a glass of wine on Friday evenings is a start!