Does anyone else feel this way?

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My appearance isn’t massively high on my list of priorities. If I’m going ‘out’ say for lunch or an appointment I’ll do hair and make up and try and put on a half decent outfit but won’t just for the school run, nipping to the local shop or taking the kids to the park.

However, although I feel that I shouldn’t have to make a big effort with how I look to feel acceptable to society - I do feel like shit when I’ve just thrown my hair up and not put any make up on. I’ll not really look at anyone and try and shrink into the scenery type of idea and just feel so so self conscious and uncomfortable the whole time I’m out.

I’m not blessed with being particularly naturally beautiful. I need a bit of foundation to even out my skin tone, mascara to open my eyes and I need to ‘do’ my hair for it to look anything other than terrible.

I know this problem is probably a confidence thing but that’s not something you can just decide you want more of and it’s there.

So do I just need to accept that the only way I can feel comfortable when I’m out and about is to take time every single day to apply make up and do my hair even though I don’t really believe in that.

Sorry this probably doesn’t even make much sense!!

It depends what you think you have to do. A tinted moisturiser, mascara, lipstick, and blush, plus some Frizz Ease and a brush through my hair and a squirt of perfume is my bare minimum and I do it 6 days out of 7. It takes me less than 10 minutes, probably less than 5 if the toddler is distracted. The boost it gives me is immeasurable though. In the evening I make a point of moisturising and taking my vitamins, again five minutes. I let my hair dry naturally when I can, but will grab a book and spend a bit more time giving it a proper blow dry and a run through of my Babyliss big hair when I can.

I've had spells where I've gone makeup free for months and spells where I've spent a lot longer doing myself up each day, but this is my happy medium between feeling like I've made an effort/am looking good, and not spending loads of time getting ready.

I wear make up for work and it does help me get in the swing of things for the day. Not a huge amount but enough to make a difference, natural tones. I used to do very little for work, no make up and would throw my hair into a ponytail and to be brutally honest it didn't help with my depression. It might be now I am feeling better I am happier to spend the time on myself but having my hair blow dried and straightened, make up done does make me feel good about myself. It's an internal thing, I don't care what other people think or expect.

Sorry if l have misread this. If l am reading it right you are suggesting that you don’t condider appearance to be important. Everyone is entitled to a view point providing it doesn’t harm others, but you have posted in the Style and Beauty section, which is fashion and appearance based.

I used to feel like that but it's nicer caring I think.

I feel similarly, I think: theoretically, one should be how one is without pressure or expectation and strike a blow for freedom etc. However it doesn't make me happy to walk around having made no effort with my appearance, so I do my hair and put on make up. Like a pp this does not take long - serum, moisturiser, foundation, slick of blusher, mascara, lipstick, hair creme, done. Also like a pp during times I did not do this my mood was low. No idea re correlation/causation but there was certainly an element of perpetuation which I do not wish to reintroduce.

You're sort of contradicting yourself OP. You say that appearance isn't important to you, but at the same time you feel shit if you don't 'make an effort'. Is that right?

I belong to the Princess Anne school of dressing: clean and tidy (and appropriate for the occasion).
Very rarely wear make-up, but do like scent. Have short hair that gets washed and blow dried every day. Don't do anything about anything else, why?
I do iron my clothes and polish my shoes, though.

I hope I’ve not come across as if I’m saying I judge people who do place their appearance at the top of their list of priorities. I’m absolutely not and I enjoy this board. My mum would have be as vain just because in comparison to her I do do a lot.

I’m not sure what I’m trying to say. I’m not even sure what I’m asking. It’s like I’ll think fuck it I’m not putting make up on to go to X Y Z place and why shouldn’t I wear these joggers because I do believe I shouldn’t have make too much effort for certain places but then when I do do that I feel terrible and self conscious the whole time.

Do I need to just accept that to feel ok and acceptable and not as if I want to hide under a rock the whole time I’m out I’ll just need to make that effort?

I think these thoughts are coming up now because I’m working from home now and so where I would have been ‘done’ 5/7 I’m now not and I think it’s highlighting it for me.

Maybe the answer is I do just need to find a very quick way of making myself look humans in the morning?

So yes I’m definitely contradicting myself.

I'm the same, or at least I was, as I've now just come to accept that the more effort I put in, the better I feel. 'Getting ready', as in doing my make up and hair (30 mins tops) is a non-negotiable for me now. And I feel better about myself because of it. If I am ever caught with a naked face, people usually say 'you look really tired' . Fact is, I honestly do look really terrible in my natural state. Some people can get away with it... I really can't.

I think it's because I've got really thick, curly hair that I've always hated and I used to just feel really self-conscious and uncomfortable about it. When I accepted that it was OK to (and realised it was actually possible to!) straighten it daily, I had more confidence and was happier.

In some ways it doesn't sit right that I'm more vain and bothered about appearances than I'd ideologically like to be but, ultimately, fuck it... I feel happier and more 'me' so I'm going with it.

Get a decent haircut so that your hair behaves.
When you get up, change into your outfit for the day.
Style your hair and put on a tinted moisturiser or bb/cc cream, tiny bit of blusher, mascara, and a tinted lip balm.
Wear presentable clothes when you go out or wear knee-high boots and a longish coat, hat and a scarf.

No one looks 'terrible' in their natural state. And you can bet most men aren't having these thoughts. I like getting dressed up and wearing makeup when I fancy, but equally I don't want to feel that I have to because I'm somehow not good enough without it.

I hate the fact that society accepts me more when I'm presentable.

But I still make myself presentable because I feel better about myself. If I look a mess I feel like shit.

I go for the 'look like boiled shite most of the time so that when I do make an effort I scrub up really well' strategy, and I think it works quite well

@thedevilinablackdress, you're right of course. 'Terrible' is a strong word. But I'm not one of those people that naturally looks very nice. I don't do much (I don't even wear foundation or tinted moisturiser) but if I don't do the things I do then I feel self-conscious and shit.

And whilst, ideologically, I understand your point, I also can't deny the fact that I'm a happier, more confident person when I'm made up and my hair is straight.

Maybe it's about conformity? I spent most of my youth being determined to be different, but this included a bizarre feeling that doing my hair etc somehow wasn't 'for' me, that I wasn't allowed to care about those things. Accepting that I did care was actually quite liberating!

Yep, it's complicated, that's for sure!

I look older with makeup and I never style my hair, but I do look a bit ill and grubby before I ‘do’ myself. Hairwash, mascara and blusher.
It’s not very inspirational is it? #dontlookillandgrubby

Haha @KnightsofColumbusThatHurt I’m laughing because I’ve tried to tell myself when I feel like people are looking at me wondering if I’ve escaped from hospital ‘you know you CAN make yourself look really good, you could wow them if you wanted to you just choose not to’ but it doesn’t help

I really do look terrible when I’ve done nothing to myself. I don’t know how other people manage to just look normal.

I think I might just have a week of forcing myself to put on make up every day and see if it gives me a little boost.

@Susannahmoody that’s how I feel too and it annoys me that I feel I need to apologise for myself for not wearing make up and wearing my hair in a ponytail. I’ve genuinely said to people ‘I’m so sorry for the state of me’ and I hate that I feel I need to do that.

Tinted moisturiser could be the way forward. I really don’t want to wear a heavy foundation every day. I did buy one during lockdown but it’s totally the wrong colour for me.

I have revlom candid and it's barely there, I use very little plus blush, eyeliner and nude gloss. Feel so much better doing that as a regular thing each day. I wouldn't judge you either way of course but I go with what feels best to me.

Personally I find a quick dab of lipstick with the excess rubbed into my cheeks before I leave the house makes ALL the difference to the way I feel like I look. Plus I dye my lashes and brows or else they disappear. I suspect said lipstick has disappeared within the hour, but if I don’t look in a mirror I’m none the wiser, so that’s OK 😃

I know exactly what you mean OP, but for me I just make an effort every day. It is worth it for me.

I am not a natural beauty and I have made peace with that. I suspect we probably have similar colouring - I go from below average without makeup, to above average with it. It’s a strange feeling.

for better or for worse, putting some effort into your appearance makes people see you differently. I think people use it as an indicator of the value you place on yourself. humans do judge a book by its cover

you can spot men who put no effort into their appearance too, it's just that the bar for them is a lot lower

i think as pp said above, your clothes and shoes being clean, well fitting and appropriate and your hair being clean and tidy will get you a long way. nails neat and clean if you really want to go to town

if make up isn't your thing (and really, why should it be?), I think the above is enough to make you feel confident and to signal to others that you value yourself and have confidence.

(I spend half an hour 6/7 mornings putting on make up and sorting my hair and am conflicted about it by the way! )

I get you OP.

I've worn make up pretty much every day (apart from when really ill etc) since I was about 13. Not loads at that age, just mascara and tinted lip balm, but I remember my mum would always tell me I looked pretty when I wore it, so it kind of stuck that I was "better" with than without. Now my DD is that age and I've noticed my mum says the same to her when she's wearing some make up, but only then and I actually pulled her up on it.

I've never worn loads actually. Never have the full face look, but I would never go out without some. Like you, I would feel terribly self conscious. Truth is, I don't like my natural face and also like you, I don't like feeling like that.

It's strange that we talk about what we can and can't get away with doing or not doing, when you really think about it. Of course anyone can "get away" with not wearing make up, doing their hair etc, but if you genuinely feel better by doing that, then I suppose fighting that seems a little pointless.

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It's strange that we talk about what we can and can't get away with doing or not doing, when you really think about it. Of course anyone can "get away" with not wearing make up, doing their hair etc, but if you genuinely feel better by doing that, then I suppose fighting that seems a little pointless.”

Totally agree. No one is going to rugby tackle you on the street if you go out without makeup. In fact, no one will say a word (except for those weird depressing stories about managers giving their female staff a telling off for not looking “professional”). But they will notice, on some level, if you haven’t made an effort. People do notice and they will make a judgement about you based on your appearance. I’d rather that the judgement is a positive one.

I know exactly where you are coming from OP. My "regime" of looking presentable to the outside world takes about 10 mins and the difference is remarkable. Do you sometimes feel a slave to it and just wish that on the days you don't make more effort that you can look in the mirror and still look passable rather than the difference being so stark? Hope this makes sense. (Well it makes sense in my head).