"Nobody ever told me" thread

[littlecatfeet]

I was wondering, do you have any personal style/beauty tips that you worked out all by yourself?

I have two:

1. Never ever apply perfume when you're under stress - running late, or angry, or anxious - it seems to cause that horrible reaction that makes perfume unbearable.
2. When you are carrying 'le flab' (as I call it) a silk slip looks a million times better under a dress than shapewear. It slides past your creases and moves naturally. And you're comfortable!

What hard-won or fluke inspirations do you have to share?

Catching up, but I also fell up some stairs wearing wide legs trousers with turns up and heels. I was going into an interview. I did not get the job! Lethal combo.

@medusawashere

I think that being yourself and feeling good will negate most "negative" associations with what you're wearing. The only tips I have are ones that suit me specifically BUT I swear by the following:

I never wear eyeliner under the eye, only on top.

Converse are my favourite shoes - I'm in a band (yes, EVEN at 35 to the PP who thinks that your 20's is the only time you can wear Converse - we also, shock horror, played some major festivals last year - oh, the CRINGE) and they're perfect for jumping about on stage.

Colours are sort of important. I know that red suits me because I'm dark haired but like to experiment outside of that.

The biggest game changer for me is giving up foundation and spending whole weeks wearing no makeup. My skin has never ever been better. Past Medusa would be very jealous.

Wear clothes that fit you and feel good, rather than obsessing about what size you are. As a former anorexic who wasted five years of my twenties worrying about being a size six, it's the biggest regret I have. Thirties me has so much more fun.

It's OK to look in the mirror and see a shape that isn't reflected in "celebrity culture". I wanted to be a lithe, long legged model type with boobs but sort of got stuck at five four with a definite pear shape that not even Anorexia completely got rid of. My much longed for boobs are A cups. It's who we are, it's OK. Way more fun to be yourself.

Smile. Find the fun things in the everyday. That keeps most people looking and feeling younger and happier.

A good pair of dark coloured bootcut jeans will go a long way.

Style hack: I bought a "blazer dress" from Primark that I use as a long open blazer jacket. Looks great and it gets a lot of nice comments.

Jodie Whittaker is my "late thirties" style inspiraton.

PLEASE tell me what brand of dark, boot cut jean? I am pulling my hair out trying to find exactly that! Love the hack....

What's the pulling your hair back thing?

@LunaNorth

I’ve lost count how many times I’ve posted this link on MN.

But here we go again...

what should women over 30 wear?

Sorry, I am only half way through the thread, but just had to comment on this link. This is AMAZING and really sums up how I feel about all these 'style and beauty' tips.

It makes me sad actually that we all conform so much to expectations.
Wear what you like, how you like, when you like.

Thanks that's brill, I don't wear studs cos they dig in when asleep, will look for some.

To the person up thread, why shouldn't I put converse on my toddler, to nursery? Nobody has ever said to me it's a problem, should hope so too for the £££ childcare costs!

It's a time thing I think Fairy - whn my daughter was in daycare they requested we not use them, they had a shoes-off policy and as cute as Converse are on toddlers the time it took to put on and take off 26 pairs was not practical. They were in and out several times a day, I can see their point.

@FairyAndLavender when there are 30 dc in a class, seeing to laces can take up too much time.

I think the best thing I have learned is to know your body and your style and change it as your body changes.

I don’t have the same body shape as I had in my late teens/early twenties, it changed again after having children and now as I hit my late 40’s it’s changing again. Therefore I need to adapt my style as things that looked great 5 years ago now look hideous!

The biggest thing for me, since I started sewing my own clothes, is how ridiculous standard sizing is. Hardly anyone is a standard size, and most people's clothes don't fit that well - it's just less noticeable if you're skinny rather than not.

And, because clothes are made in whatever size they are to a particular ratio of bust-waist-hip-thigh, if you don't match that ratio you're made to feel deficient, no matter if your BMI is 20 or 40.

We're even made to feel bad for having wide feet, as if it's some sort of moral failing rather than, you know, genetics.

Thinking about this makes me very angry for all the shit young thin me heaped on herself for literally not measuring up

@QuentinInQuarantino

I buy either nose studs or children's earrings because they have a flat screw on back for comfort, so that I always have a small cubic zirconia stud in and can sleep very comfortably in them.

Like these: link

I think a bigger watch makes my wrist look daintier.

What a great idea!

I've tried sleeping in earrings and never managed it.

Wear the clothes you love, dont save for best, everyday should be your best.

My tip - never allow your dc to wear styles / brands that you like. They will look better in them than you do - because they're your beloved offspring - and you will never feel quite the same about wearing them yourself.

(Also, don't let them half-inch your favourite items 'just for this party / weekend / etc' - or if you do don't expect to get them back until they're thoroughly worn out.)

I think that “wear whatever the fuck you like” link is disingenuous. It’s full of absolute icons wearing well made clothes that have been carefully considered and put together. When they show a picture of a 50 something woman popping to the local garden centre in shabby sandals, cracked heels and a holey wolf T shirt and not judge, then I’ll take them seriously.

I have just discovered where my waist is. I’m nearly 40.

@LoeliaPonsonby

I think that “wear whatever the fuck you like” link is disingenuous. It’s full of absolute icons wearing well made clothes that have been carefully considered and put together. When they show a picture of a 50 something woman popping to the local garden centre in shabby sandals, cracked heels and a holey wolf T shirt and not judge, then I’ll take them seriously.

Hmm, sort, of, I see where you are coming from, but why shouldn't someone head to the garden centre in clothes which are well, suitable for gardening in?

We live in an odd society where we are constantly judged for what we wear, but why? Why shouldn't I wear whatever I want? Some social conventions of course, if I'm going to a wedding then I should like like I have tried to dress up, but why does it matter if I am wearing something 'fashionable' or not as long as I am comfortable in it?

I never wear make up or heels. Ever. Go ahead, judge me, but actually not only do not care, I actually don't notice your judgement. (sorry, not you personally, but you as in society)

QuentinInQuarantino
genius idea for earrings, I've just ordered a pair for dd who is constantly losing the backs and then her earrings.

I think the ‘wear whatever you like’ line is in response to the idea that women should become invisible as they get older. So yes, it’s illustrated with pictures of women in well thought-out outfits but they are eye-catching, individual, and give two fingers to notions of age appropriateness.

Personally I can't stand the "wearing every colour under the sun in one outfit" look in some of those photos but each to their own.

Underwear that is too small and creates lines will bring down the whole of the outfit. Ignore the label and size up if needed.

Actually, ignore all size labels and just wear what looks best, you'll probably end up with at least 4 sizes in your wardrobe.

Navy suits a warm complexion as do dusty and muted colours.

Wear good shoes made of good materials.

Don't wear big earrings with a big necklace, they will compete with each other.

Think about the length of necklaces and how they sit with the neckline.

Think about the length of necklaces and how they sit with the neckline.

I always struggle with this as I have a skinny neck, and a standard 16" chain often ends up being on or just under the neckline of my tops. I have on occasion had links taken out to shorten a chain to 15".

@JaneJeffer

Personally I can't stand the "wearing every colour under the sun in one outfit" look in some of those photos but each to their own.

I agree. Awful.

The point of the thread is to help this who do want to accentuate themselves in the best possible way, to try out others tips.

That's not a bad thing like some people on here seem to think.

@Shhimtryingtosleep

I second getting rid of the underwire. And no I don't have "fried eggs" as someone else put it, I'm a 34G. There are great wore-free bras for larger busts now :)

What brand do you use please?

Don't listen to people on certain ways to look after/style things when they don't have an idea themselves despite their forceful confidence.

Somewhat specific advice there for my younger self! Made the mistake of giving up some brilliant advice years ago due to this, but am finally trying it now and wish I'd just nodded and smiled at the forceful person and listened to the person who clearly actually knew what they were talking about.

steppenmum Agree that there’s nothing wrong with heading to a garden centre in, well, gardening clothes - it’s just that it’s never held up as a paragon of someone wearing whatever the fuck they like and being considered well put together. Wearing whatever the fuck you like really appears to mean, break some conventions but still spend loads of time thinking about what you wear, how you look and whilst you’re there spend loads of money and mental energy.