LO is nearly 2 and I still look a mess - help!

[MsFrog]

This is such a shallow topic, but it's getting me a bit down and definitely affecting my confidence with DH. The other day at the hairdresser's and then again today in a photo I realised I look a complete state. My skin is pale and sagging and I look so old (am only 34!), my hair is complete style-less because I don't have the energy to style it. My clothes are a joke - ancient, not fashionable, shapeless and some actually have holes in.

I keep using the excuse of being tired and busy, but I see lots of mums who all look lovely. I've just fallen into a weird thing since becoming a mum where I feel like I don't know what to wear, I keep thinking I'm too old for things. And also - I really, really prioritise being comfortable these days, and need to be flexible physically for toddler life.

My husband has very delicately brought up our very limited sex life, and I know the way I feel is a big part of the reason it's so crap!

Help, confident ladies! What do you wear? How do you do your hair - quickly, coz I haven't got time or energy to faff on. Do you exercise? When do you fit it in? Any skincare tips that make you look a bit more youthful?

Thanks in advance - I know these things aren't important in the grand scheme, but I appreciate any tips

Oops, meant to post in Style and Beauty, not parenting! Will ask it to be moved

Not shallow at all, especially if it's getting you down. I think making small changes that you will keep up is key. I was horrified when I looked at a photo of myself a few months ago. My DD is 3, and I'd really let myself go. I'm 35, and it is harder at our age to look good without a bit of extra effort.

A few months on, I feel so much more confident. Here's what I did:

• Started yoga twice a week at home (Yoga with Adrienne on YouTube). I do it Sunday morning and Wednesdays after dropping DD to pre-school. I realised that it was unrealistic to try getting to the gym, and I've managed 6 weeks so far. My posture has improved and back pain has disappeared. I also invested in a FitBit and that has motivated me to be more active.

• Tried to eat better by counting calories on My Fitness Pal - I've lost half a stone already, but in a slow and steady way. It's really noticeable and I feel great.

• I got a great haircut that I can wash and go. It's a blunt one-length bob and really suits me.

• I already had a simple skincare and make-up routine that takes less than 10mins but helps me to look awake. Bare Minerals Complexion Rescue is my go-to foundation

• Clothes wise I packed away everything that didn't fit from my pre-pregnancy days, got rid of anything beyond repair and invested in a capsule wardrobe (via eBay) in my current size. I wear straight/wide leg jeans and trainers on non-work days, which is comfortable but reasonably trendy.

The most important thing is to do it for you and not your DH. My motivation has been to get fit, so I can age well and not be a burden on my children in older age.

Try posting on style and beauty, the posters are very helpful

Thanks shopaholic, your post made me feel better. Yea, I'm definitely doing it for me - I want to look better and feel better. I actually already have My Fitness Pal, and am aiming to lose a stone slowly and sensibly.

It sounds like you've made a big difference in your life really successfully - good for you! I'm glad you're feeling good about yourself. All those suggestions sound very doable, it gives me hope!

Fuck. Mine is 3 shortly and I feel exactly the same. Solidarity. Help me too?!

Oh hell I could've wrote that post, even down to the dwindling sex life

I'm sorry I have no advice whatsoever as I need to lose a stone/clear my skin/get my highlights and trim done/overhaul my wardrobe. But I'll stick about for any advice if that's ok.

We can be scruffy together OP

Haha missorganised well I've asked for the thread to be moved to Style and Beauty, so follow on over there for hopefully more tips from some experts!

You too, newyearnewjobnewhome, the more the merrier!

I've done the exact stuff word for word as shopaholic85

• yoga with Adrienne (sometimes with assorted pre-schoolers 'assisting')
• MyFitnessPal , made me realise how many cheese and wine calories I was consuming
• get a good haircut
• bareminerals complexion rescue
• massive chuck out of clothes to clothes banks and bought new and more flattering stuff in the right size.

When the weather gets better I'm going to start C25K again.

I also went and got some decent well fitting bras which definitely improved the general sagginess I was feeling.

One change I feel a bit guilty about is that since Christmas I have made a conscious effort to be a bit more selfish with my time. I've been pregnant or breastfeeding with poor sleepers for a solid 3 years as well as trying to do a full time paid job in part time hours, and doing all of the admin for DPs business in my evenings and weekends. I look knackered because I am.

So I've started taking a nap on a Sunday afternoon for an hour and for that hour NO ONE is allowed to disturb me and DP is entirely in charge of the children. It's literally the only time in the week where someone isn't making demands on my and it's helping keep me sane.

Hi Op.
Firstly please don’t apologise, it’s not shallow. I have an almost two year old and felt like you too and it really impacted my self esteem, to the point where I didn’t want to interact with people as I thought they’d think I was scruffy, dirty etc (I always washed even on the worst days)

I’m kicking myself as I actually lost the baby weight quickly then regained it when I went back to work . Thankfully I was very slim to start with (size 6/8) so I’m by no means massive now (10/12) but don’t feel my best. So I’m trying to eat better.

Re exercise I realised getting to a gym was unrealistic so we invested in a turbo trainer so I can indoor cycle, great as I can do it once toddler in bed. I try to outdoor cycle once at the weekend, plus I work from home twice a week so try to get out once a week for a decent length hill walk at lunchtime.

My hair is dreadful naturally so to be honest I just make sure it’s clean & tie it back, in winter I love hats. Hair is not my strong point

Re make up I have developed a 3 minute routine- foundation, cream blusher, eyebrow pencil thing & mascara. All done with fingers, no brushes, takes 3 mins. Ok it’s not amazing but I’m presentable.

In summer St Tropez in shower tan - quick, no smell, no stickiness & gives me hint of colour without looking obvious or fake.

Re clothes I actually joined the ‘outfit of the day’ threads on here to force me to get out my rut and wear something proper each day.
It’s actually really inspired me.

I also follow a few bloggers on Instagram etc to keep up to date with trends. Plus I people watch a lot and watch the younger college crowd in town. I don’t copy all their looks (I’m well past crop tops and huge chunky Fila trainers) but it gives me an idea of what’s in fashion.

I got rid of anything I felt rubbish in or anything that was realistically never going to fit again. It’s taken a while but I’ve accepted that the tight dresses that looked fab when I was 28 and a size 6 don’t look so great now I’m late 30s and had a baby, it’s an ongoing process but I’m adapting my style to my new body and lifestyle so I’ve stopped buying dresses and high heels (my weakness) and I’m investing in casual wear which was the gap in my wardrobe.

Most of all it takes time and I still have days when I’m having a bad day with the toddler and I do the nursery run with my pyjama top still on under my coat so please don’t beat yourself up

I could have written your post, except I'm 31.
Facebook keeps providing me with photos pre-DD (19 months) where I clearly have a shit about my appearance - I wore makeup properly, straightened or curled my hair, was a half decent clothes size.

First step for me is that I've booked a hair appointment - I haven't had my hair cut in 16 months it's long and scraggly. Going back to a long bob, I find it easy to manage and looks good just with a quick straighten or loose curl.

Oh and most important thing - I now plan my outfits in advance eg the night before or it all goes horribly wrong! For a recent holiday I actually planned and wrote down exactly what to wear each day!

Hey my kid is nearly 4 and I still look like shit! Actually still isn't accurate. Looking at pics I was perfectly groomed and had a tidy house till she was around 2 then it all fell to shit.
I have the epitome of a threenager!!

Oh Gosh, so I'm not alone!
I've just had a brutal wardrobe clearance session. Watching YouTube has helped me get a sense of where I want my style to be... I'm definitely not there yet but at least I have a direction.

DS2 and I are just out of the 4th trimester, so I believe it's time to start looking like a person again . Second step (after reorganising my wardrobe and vowing to take better care of my clothes) is to learn how to do a basic daily make up job and also attempt a more involved make up look (I reaaaaaaaally don't want to learn how to contour but I might just look better for it... But I'm scared of looking like an antelope lol).

I'm tired of my husband looking fresher than me too, so I've given him more childcare chores as he obviously isn't ageing like me 🙃

Hey Op your not alone I could have written this myself I have two DCs under the age of 3.
It's hard work you put them and everyone else before yourself so it's natural that sometimes we tend to neglect our own needs and wants.

I am currently still over weight would happily love to have the time and energy to get back into an exercise regime but for now I can't see that happening so I'm aiming to go out for walks when I can.

In terms of looks I recently made sure I got my hair cut and coloured my hair is just above my shoulders blunt cut nothing fancy but can have it down or pull it back up for days when I'm busy to be fussing about with straightening it , every month I make sure I have my eyebrows and lip waxed along with gel nails it's a little treat to myself to make me feel more human and less crap, skin regime I don't really follow one I'm 33 years old hardly wear makeup unless I'm going out or just want a pick me up but tend to wear tinted moisturiser instead of foundation.
I tend to moisturisers my face every morning to give me that fresh feeling nothing fancy I use what ever I can afford at the time currently a garnier anti wrinkle one

Clothes style wise I never have followed the fashion I tend to like comfy clothes love my van trainers dr marten boots fly boots sandals etc jeans jumpers tops or the odd long skirt dress in the summer months shop in Asda for clothes H&M Gap where ever they have the best deals even primark you can pick up lovely clothing for affordable prices

Stick to what ever you feel comfortable in don't feel pressured to look a certain way

In terms of sex life I think we are all in the same boat when you have little children it's blooming hard work all you want to do at the end of the day is sleep rather than getting physical with your partner my only advice is if you both have family living close by that are willing to have your DC make time to have date nights together so that you can have those moments alone

Aw thanks everyone, I'm so grateful for all your advice and solidarity! Pleased to hear it's not just me that feels this way. Will have a proper read through all your responses and think about what will work for me, but I think in general it's like a lot of you say - it's so hard to find the time for yourself, you just have to start carving it out where you can!

I replaced all my underwear recently, nothin fancy just new bras in different colours with a bit of lace and same for pants. If your collection of underwear is anything like mine was then it definitely doesn’t help towards feeling a bit sexy 😂 still working on the rest of me though

sunshine you are spot on! My underwear is embarrassingly grim 😳

I'm Spartacus! I'm exactly the same. I put on barely any weight (well apart from the baby!) during pregnancy but I've been piling it on for about a year - basically since I stopped having to go on big long buggy walks!

I'm trying to:
Do yoga 3-4 times a week (another yoga with Adrienne fan)
Focus on what I'm eating - I'm having a cup of tea during DS' evening meal so I stop picking at his leftovers
Wash my hair more regularly - I need to stop dry shampooing it.

In the same boat with a 2.5 year old. Things that have made a difference so far:

-5:2/ intermittent fasting for weight loss
-low-maintenance haircut

• a kind of “uniform” of clothes that look good on me

-DH doing a good amount of childcare

@MsFrog @shopaholic85 gave some great advice. My style has changed since having DS, I loved wearing dresses but now I'm a jeans and top girl as I'm crawling around soft play way too often. I try to make stuff as flattering as possible- sienna jeans from m&s which suit me better than skinny jeans (turnip legs), and a sweatshirt from warehouse/New Look/Oasis. Sweatshirt is in a colour that suits me, and is just as comfortable as a hoodie.

We're just moving this over to style and beauty for you now, OP.

Thanks again, everyone, especially for the specific suggestions of makeup and jeans etc. I'm going to make time to sort my wardrobe out and am on day two of calorie counting. Going to get rid of my grey hairs and plan an actual outfit for work tomorrow!

I have 3 kids aged 8, 3 and 6 months and work. I always take a bit of time to make an effort on my appearance as it makes me feel better. My tips are the following:

Get a good hair cut that you can blow dry and style easily.

Fit pampering into your daily showers etc. I condition my hair twice a week (wash it every 2nd day). I use body scrub weekly in the shower. I have a nice body wash. I shave my legs etc a couple of times a week. This all takes an extra 5 minutes max per shower if you do a bit each day.

Keep your nails filed and painted in a clear varnish if you can’t afford manicures. I get them occasionally but not often due to money.

Get your eyebrows done professionally every few months. You can then tidy them up in between by tweezing them yourself in between.

If you wear make up find a routine that works for you. I spend 10 mins max doing it on a school morning and have been known to put my make up on the kitchen while your kids eat breakfast. If you don’t have that time a little concealer, mascara, blusher is enough.

Buy clothes that are smart but easy to wear and don’t need ironed if you can. I have dresses that I can wear with nice knee length boots that come out the machine straight. Fitted jeggings trousers with a nice top and boots are a really easy combination too . A set of nice earrings goes a long way too. It’s better to have less clothes that are nice than loads that you don’t like wearing in my opinion.

If your child sleeps well at night have a pampering bath once or twice a week and do a body scrub, shave etc then instead of daily.

Finally it’s okay to make time for yourself so you are happier.

Fundays thank you so much, you are so right about little and often. Those little tips are all great, and so manageable.