can anyone help style my 18 year old DS please?

[mckenzie]

He is about 5ft 10 and quite chunky. He has man boobs and is carrying some extra weight due to liking his food, a sedentary job, not doing any exercise, eating out of boredom maybe, lack of self esteem.

He's going out now a couple of nights a week, to the local pub with his mates which is brilliant; we are really pleased. We want him to get out and socialise and have fun.
The trouble is, he doesn't have a going out wardrobe. The last two nights he's been in trackie bottoms and a t shirt with a bomber style jacket that he had for Christmas about 4 years ago.

He has no interest in clothes and hides inside them, which I guess is understandable as I think he doesn't like his body shape very much. But I think with the right clothes, he could look fabulous which will then increase his confidence and self esteem.

But I'm no style guru and don't know where to start. He does have some black jeans that fit him well and some short sleeve shirts that MIL has bought him for various Christmas and birthday presents but the shirts aren't Friday night local pub wear are they?

Jeans and a hoodie?
jeans and a polo? But nothing tight fitting. Dark colours really suit him.

Anyone care to help me help DS? I love him so much and hate seeing him feel inadequate next to his slim and trendy friends.

TIA

I can't help on the clothes advice but you sound like a lovely dm. However on the exercise front would he consider running? Couch 2 5k perhaps? With your maybe? I started running late- in my 20s- but never looked back. As well as obvious fitness benefit I believe running makes you feel a happier person, increasing your self confidence and more.

Love what you picked up today OP. That outfit with a pair of black jeans would look great and would very much ‘fit in’ like you said he wants to. You sound so lovely x

Those clothes look great OP.

You're a lovely mum x

I needed a mascara warning.

Thank you for the lovely comments.
So, the trying on session went quite well to start with but....

1. Blue t shirt with the shirt on top but with his old black jeans.

I was just getting DS to see how good he looked when in walked DD and said "No! not an open shirt over a t shirt. that's naff!" and ruined the whole thing. DD then tried to get him to wear just the shirt buttoned up, which actually did look lovely too, but DS wasn't having it at all.

1. Black t shirt was vetoed straight away as the fabric 'felt wrong'
2. The jeans that I got for him don't fit. Much too tight on his thighs.

So, I've ordered some more clothes on line from Burton, River Island and Next and I'm off out now to get some Levi jeans.

Re the running suggestion, I have tried so hard to get him to run as I think it will have numerous benefits for him. I've offered to go with him/not go with him. He just says "No!" It breaks my heart as he has the time available to him and it seems that he has the desire to change his body shape (he tells DD that he hates his body and his wobbly bits) yet is resisting attempts/help to do anything about it.
I think I'm going about it the right way (talking about him getting stronger/healthier, rather than getting slimmer etc) but it's not helping is it?

Instead of running could he goto a gym and learn how to lift weights and eat right? In my gym (and on Instagram) there is such a bit of emphasis at the minute on putting yourself into a calorie deficit by what you are eating (or not eating lol) and then increasing this deficit with exercise to help the weight loss and define your muscles (not that i have defined muscles either lol - but aiming for them!)

I think your approach is lovely, constructively helping and encouraging him, talking openly about health and fitness and providing the pricey stuff (especially for someone just starting out at work) such as flattering clothes, healthy food and gym. Well done also for not making it all encompassing or shameful and keeping things balanced with occasional treats like the chippy tea. Much healthier attitude.

Just wondering regarding running, if he is very self conscious and quite recently out of school, this might feel glaringly 'public' if he isn't naturally the keenest athlete.

You describe him as chunky and a hard worker. Maybe he would be better suited to a strength based gym routine, feel he is immediately better at it than cardio and gsin some confidence this way?

Although I am a 33 year old woman, not an 18 year old lad, I am basically describing my own experience as a naturally chunky person who rather likes their food, is a bit overweight for a couple of reasons but who is strong and sturdy underneath. Would I be right in guessing he didn't love PE at school? Maybe that is a bit too fresh in his memory and for me at least was a real.confidence- sapper as it did not let me play to my strengths at all.

Perhaps a few sessions with a personal trainer to show him best practice with weights, or a membership at a weightlifting gym would appeal to him more?

Cross post!

Just keep helping when he asks for it. Not all young men are bothered at 18 of course. Jeans and a couple of shirts are all he needs to start him off

DD needs to be brought on side and briefed!

Keep trying. He only needs a couple of things.

Gym session maybe when the gym is dead? You could ring up and ask them?

There are various night running groups where I am, maybe he’d like the cover of darkness??

Would he consider cycling to and from work for general exercise if running is not his thing

How's he liking his new things OP?