How do you feel about yourself in your forties?

[summersands]

I am 41 and feeling really down about my appearance. (It doesn’t help that I’m currently single.) I’m going to try some of the great suggestions in the recent make-up thread, which I hope will help. I feel like I also need to change the way I feel; I think looking older has affected my confidence. (It’s as if there’s a voice inside me saying: “You look old and rubbish now!”) If you’re in your 40s, especially if you’re single, have you found a way to feel gorgeous and sexy?!

I feel better at 44 than I did at 34, even though I'm porkier!

I don't have 'a style'. If I'm feeling glam I'll wear my lovely dress, if I'm feeling '90s I'll wear my DM boots, if I'm walking the dog I'll wear my joggers, if I'm popping to the shop I'll throw on anything as long as it's clean. I don't have a capsule wardrobe

I have 80% white/silver hair in a lob, dark-rimmed geeky glasses and red lipstick.

I find good deportment makes you look confident and like you DGAF

To be honest I really cannot remember my thirties or forties much at all!
No I am not taking those sorts of drugs (only ones on prescription),

I am now concentrating more on 'damage control' - pencilling in eyebrows (where have they gone???), mascara on lashes (they are there but look non existent), a bit of sun damage, slight high colour (high blood pressure), rather than slapping on several colour of sparkly eye shadow (used to love Urban Decay).

Just recently stopped dyeing hair a bright red as it looked awful when the grey showed through and the more natural Medium golden brown colour looks pretty good and there is a root touch up available.

I try to look smart or at least presentable but I am about 5 stones overweight. This is a work in progress though.

I'm 44 and feel fine! I look after myself, eating lots of fruit and veg and trying to walk 10,000 steps a day. I do 16/8 every day and find I can eat what I like and easily maintain my weight. I don't eat rubbish but also I really do eat what I want. I don't feel I look dramatically different to how I've always looked, just a few lines around the eyes. The only downside is feeling a little perimenopausal. Unpredictable and heavy periods, getting quite exhausted etc. I think it's important to look after your health as your main priority and then this is reflected in your looks. I had cancer in my 30s so really do think about my health a lot.

Up until 45/6 I felt great. I'm 48 now and am going through a thoroughly depressing grief stage for my loss of youth and beauty and the currency it gave me. I am still slim and ok ish looking but the bloom had gone, never to return and it's very sobering. I have never, ever once envied other women in any way and always been non plussed if there was a young, beautiful woman around but I'm recently finding myself irritated by it and don't want to be in the same vicinity. Ageing is hard ☹️

Does it feel quite differently between late 30w and 40s. I’m 39, feel fit and attractive. I can’t imagine it changing in the next few years, although maybe that is wishful thinking

I'm 48 and feel the best I ever have, mentally, emotionally and physically.

I went through a period at 39 where I felt similarly to you OP, I had young children and I felt like I'd lost myself. I've spent the years in between finding myself in all kinds of ways.

I've found the embodiment/wild woman path what's really made the biggest difference for me.

Books such as The Wild Woman's Way (this is a great starting point if you're new to this direction), Wild Power, Women Who Run With The Wolves, Pussy, Soul Craft, and Vagina.

And specifically for better relationships (or for creating a new one!) the works of Alison Armstrong and David Deida.

The very fact that you know that better make-up isn't alone going to do it is a good sign! Your body and soul are calling you towards something deeper. Feeling gorgeous and sexy are just a byproduct 👑

Yoga is very good for putting you ‘back in touch with your body’.

Also listening to music I liked in my teens and twenties, especially dance music, has an amazing rejuvenating effect.

At 42, I feel OK.
I think I went through a lot of the worries about ageing in my late twenties and early thirties when I first got wrinkles. Of course, the wrinkles are more pronounced now and my cheeks also droop, but I've recently been able to fit into clothes from a few years ago and that's been a huge boost to my confidence.
I can't do anything about my face (well, without having treatments, which I can't afford) so I try to concentrate on staying slim-ish as that keeps you looking young, I think.

"I’m 39, feel fit and attractive. I can’t imagine it changing in the next few years, although maybe that is wishful thinking grin"

No, nothing happens when you turn 30. The ageing just carries on gradually. It's menopause I'm dreading.

I'm 43, and a single mum of 3. I'll be happily single for the foreseeable future. I feel no need for a man. My youngest has just started school so that's an emotional wrench but I don't really think about my age. I don't feel any different now than I did at 38 but maybe more tired. However I now have 3 children and ds has no dad in his life so I haven't had a break in 4.5 years. I also have chronic conditions and in constant pain so I put the tiredness down to that rather than age. I walk everywhere and do 25 miles a week or thereabouts. I'm told I don't look my age but I'm finding more white hairs I do have to search for them though. I have a stone to lose and now that I have time for myself I'll be getting more exercise and eating better. I love being in my 40s. I feel comfortable with who I am.

Not keen on my body but never have been. I have a disability and I don’t like the way my body looks or (doesn’t) work. Objectively my body is actually fine, may not even notice the disability, but I don’t see it that way.

I’ve never worn makeup so I’m not sure whether face, neck hands look better with it.

In my 40s I think I got better at dressing to my shape rather than current fashion trends
I’d already worked out what colours suited me
Then I started going for quality classics and plainer things - I still do some patterned dresses but nearly everything else is plain with maybe occasional stripes
I’m now mid 50s - love my style - feel quite put together and whilst I have a lot of clothes they are mostly getting worn

I've turned 40 this year and I can't say I feel especially different, but that said, I've always been fat and ugly so I certainly have less to lose than most.

What I would advise is to enjoy your new-found lack of visibility and wear whatever the fuck you like. I spent my 20s and 30s fretting about "Oh dear, I can't wear that skirt because my legs are too fat, and that top is too bright, and my bum looks huge in those trousers, and PEOPLE WILL BE LOOKING AT ME!" In truth, I doubt if anyone was looking at me at all, but being young and unattractive is still a burden to bear when you're a woman. Now that I'm no longer young and I am pretty sure that nobody is looking at me, I will wear the skirt I like even though my legs are fat, and the top that is brighly coloured, and the comfy trousers that make my bum look big. I'm not gorgeous and sexy, but I never have been, and I don't think I or any other woman should have to be. I am also single and likely to remain so!

I’m 38 and definitely feel better and more comfortable with myself and my body than I did in my late 20s/early 30s. I can’t see it that turning 40 will change that - I’m more inclined to eat better and exercise more so I’m not too worried about my 40s praying nobody tells me how naive I am

I'm 44 and feel like other posters above that I'm now much happier in the way I look. Have never been 'pretty' so not concerned about loss of looks but have always taken care of my clothes & appearance (I do really love shopping for clothes/beauty products!)

Slightly dreading menopause looming but loving having a bit more cash to spend on make up, perfume and the things I like. However, I find it interesting that probably because of my age I now appear to be invisible to many a sales assistant on the beauty counters

I've always felt about myself with my hands, not obsessively but just to get an idea of my contours or lack of.

Those of you saying you're ok with how you look in your early 40s.....wait until 47+. Suddenly, the playing field levels and everyone looks middle aged, regardless of how well you think you're doing. I was gorgeous until 45 and still looked young and got admiring glances. 47 and it all changed, pretty much overnight. It's not wrinkles though, it's more about sagging/elasticity/collagen/jowls.

I'm 48 and I'm happy with the way I look - I rarely wear make up and when I do it's mascara and lipstick and maybe brow filler. I don't dye my hair - I have a few greys but they aren't too noticeable. "Gorgeous and sexy" was never me though - I'm more quirky librarian style (love Toast), which I suspect most men would not like but I don't care, I like it and that's what matters.

I'm 45 and I can honestly say I've never felt better! My kids are now old enough that I once again have time for myself, for exercise and for a bit of self care, I feel I know what suits me and how to look good. I have to say at this point, as I risk sounding breezy and smug, that I am DREADING the menopause, but I have a Mirena coil that is so far doing a sterling job at keeping some of the grotty peri symptoms that friends moan about at bay. My advice to you OP is to take the best care of yourself that your time and finances allow. Exercise - even if it's just a brisk walk every day. Find a good moisturiser that suits your skin. Experiment with some different make up and get your hair trimmed regularly to keep it looking nice. I think your 40s is a great decade and although I have more lines now, in my 30s I looked knackered all the time and I know I look better now that I'm getting good sleep again.

I’m 49 and feel good; just about to complete C25k so probably fitter than I’ve ever been as an adult, not many wrinkles, hair still blondish.
I was having this conversation yesterday with friends and we all felt happier with ourselves now, despite some physical changes.

I'm way older than you but I recognise what you're saying although I think it can hit at different stages. I didn't notice it in my forties and early fifties but after the menopause - that was a quite a wake-up for all kinds of reasons. Women are disproportionately valued for their youth and looks and when both start to trickle away it can come as a shock. I can imagine that being single makes it even harder.

I think you're right to look inwards as well as outwards. For me it's important to get used to my face as it is so now I regularly go without makeup - and I make a point of doing it on days when I'm going out and doing stuff, not sitting at home. I'm certainly not against makeup but I'd like to get to the point where I see it just as a bit of fun rather than a crutch - not easy as every time I think I've got there my face changes again.

Being less visible also has compensations - like FintanFay I've found it's given me more confidence to experiment with my clothes and that really is enormous fun. But then I've always been far more into clothes than make up.

And I would find older women you admire, not just for how they look/dress but also for the things they do - and ideally for both!

Just popping on to say that the menopause isn't necessarily something to dread. Yes, some women have a dreadful time but for me it was just hot flushes which were tolerable but in the end I started HRT which got rid of them. I'm mid 50's.

I've not read everyone's responses but for me, personally I feel the worst I ever have, I feel pretty gross tbh. It doesn't help that at 37 I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease so healthy eating went out of the window and constant fatigue was my new companion!

I feel pretty happy with it all. I'm mid forties.

I do use some tricks though. I use fake tan, in the belief that tanned fat is more attractive than pasty white fat. I also use an illuminating tinted moisturiser that makes me look very "well". I use plenty of mascara. These things do make a psychological difference when you look in the mirror.

I started C25K this year and I'm now fitter than I've ever been. I haven't lost weight but I have changed shape a bit. I wore shorts this summer which I haven't done in about 15 years.

I'm also finding my own style. Turns out it's pretty 1990s. I just bought my first ever pair of dungarees from Lucy and Yak. Am eyeing some Doc Martens for winter. I am starting to not give a fuck about keeping up with the chic girls. I don't want to wear blazers with heels!

42 and feel pretty good, bit overweight but fitter and more toned than at 32, grey hair but I like it.

I think a lot of it is to do with I just don't give a fuck anymore what other people think.