How do you feel about yourself in your forties?

[summersands]

I am 41 and feeling really down about my appearance. (It doesn’t help that I’m currently single.) I’m going to try some of the great suggestions in the recent make-up thread, which I hope will help. I feel like I also need to change the way I feel; I think looking older has affected my confidence. (It’s as if there’s a voice inside me saying: “You look old and rubbish now!”) If you’re in your 40s, especially if you’re single, have you found a way to feel gorgeous and sexy?!

I'm mid 30s and actually was very depressed at turning 30 so I think 40 will hit me.

However I am feeling better than I have for years! I'm getting more comfortable with accepting my flaws and personality. I've lost 10lbs of my 2stone target so am now trying new styles of clothing.

I agree with the poster upthread, looking after your health and mind becomes more important. For the last ten years I've worn frumpy shit that has aged me. I've had enough and don't intend to face 40 like that!

"for me it was just hot flushes which were tolerable but in the end I started HRT which got rid of them. I'm mid 50's."

You didn't put any weight on or lose your waist?

I'm 47 and feel happy with how I look. I stopped dyeing my hair 5 years ago, and did have a period of mourning for my lovely dark hair, but it's over, and anyway, I get far more compliments about my 70% silver hair than I ever did about my dark brown. I do feel that with grey hair I have to make an effort to look pulled together, or else I will just start to look like I don't care, but I like looking like that anyway, so it's not a problem. At the same time, I now have the confidence to wear what I want - so I have just bought a fab dress to wear to a wedding next weekend, one I'd have avoided in the past because it shows my knees. I just don't care about that any more, which is very liberating.

I'm almost 50. I'm bigger than I've ever been at a large 12/small 14. My hair is getting greyer by the minute and seems very dry. I feel blobby and wobbly, as well as quite angsty a lot of the time.

On the upside - my skin is fortunately pretty nice. I have more money to spend on clothes and beauty than I ever had before, and because I know I don't 'look skinny', I'm not trying to 'look skinny' and therefore am actually experimenting far more with clothes than I have previously and wearing things that, when smaller, I'd have thought made me 'look fat'. This has been really quite liberating.

I definitely recommend red lipstick as a way of giving oneself a boost. I also currently feel much better when I keep on top of dyeing my hair and don't let the roots get too obvious. I've been experimenting with hair bands as a way of hiding the roots too.

I'm 47 and feel pretty good, largely because I have no particular desire to look gorgeous or sexy. I have a bit of weight to lose, which I'm doing, and I have just given up make-up, having worn it every day for 30 years. My aim is to look healthy and normal for my age, and to just focus on looking after my body, skin and hair through a good diet, plenty of water and good but inexpensive skincare, hair care etc. I've only got a couple of grey hairs and I'm not planning to dye when I get more.

I’m with RuggyPeg I felt great and looked quite good and some would say sexy until 47, didn’t look my age etc.

Now I’m 49 and been through menopause (hysterectomy), I feel creaky and old and my body feels like it’s falling apart. I also look like what I am: almost 50 and can no longer deny it.

For me I’m just starting to learn to make the most of what I have now and trying to accept that I’m never going to be as I was before. It’s a hard process.

Getting old sucks!

I'm 48 and have lost 3 stone over the last 18 months. This has helped me feel better, clothes wise, and I took an online style class which has helped me make better choices for my wardrobe. I don't always get it right, though. I've yoyo dieted in the past so I've been left with an 'apron' of loose skin on my belly and I hate it. I'm so self conscious of it, I could cry.

My skin is fairly clear and I have rosy cheeks, which is great, but my entire face seems to have drooped. I swear my face is longer than it used to be. I have always had terrible bags and dark circles under my eyes; I think this makes me look old and tired. I cant seem to find a way to make my eyes look bigger or brighter.

Conversely, my later 30s and 40s have been the happiest of my life, since meeting my husband, so this makes other things a little easier to bear, apart from my disabilities. My mobility issues mean my world is becoming smaller & smaller.

I've been in the menopause since age 41. I think its since then that I've noticed the signs of age more. Ugh!

I’m 49 and due to a new job have completely changed my wardrobe. Must admit I am loving being able to “dress up” for work, even though offices are way more casual than when I was last in one.

Most of the people I work with are younger than me and I probably tend to overdress as I am an old codger but several of the youngsters have said nice things about how I look and I am having lots of fun :-) Have indulged in some online shopping today for knee high boots which I have been lusting after and can’t wait to try them!

I feel awful to be honest, but that is down to my weight more than anything.

46 here and definitely aged rapidly over the last couple of years. I always used to get 'can't believe how old you are you look like you're in your early thirties' for a long time but that has stopped happening sadly. I have no grey hair at all, I dress quite young I think and I'm fairly slim but my face has just dropped and I have no glow at all. I've definitely moved into the invisible zone! I've started going to the gym and trying to eat more healthily recently which is making me feel slightly better. Handy tip for anyone younger than me who is reading this...look after your neck and chest!! I didn't think about it at all when younger and mine is really showing it's age.

Older than 50!
Menopause has been and gone, a couple of very difficult years, where I felt dreadful due to hot flushes and lack of sleep. I now feel fab.
Have lost 4 stone, mainly due to lots of water, clean diet, body pump, park run every Saturday and walking 20-30 miles a week.
Wardrobe clear out, purchased a few investment pieces, Spanx leather leggings, biker boots and cashmere sweaters, New jeans, tweed jackets and coats and silk shirts worn with Penelope Chilvers boots.
Hair cut and coloured every 5 weeks, I blow dry it using Clairol Big hair 3 times a week, eyebrows are threaded and dyed the same day my hair is cut.
I use Mac Ruby Woo lipstick or Various Charlotte Tilbury shades and try and maintain a light tan.

Self care is key to feeling well, invest time and money in your own well-being ensure you work on your nutrition and exercise.

Another vote for Ruby Woo. It's drying, but a great colour and lasts really well.

Also mid fifties. Weight is same as it was early 30s ,after a bit of a peak in my forties. Running for the first time in my life so in better shape than I’ve been for years. Face is pretty crap, but I have enough money to dress stylishly , do my nails, get regular hair cuts. I know I’m old and invisible but I don’t care. It actually feels good .

I feel good.

I have kept fit, and slim and my boobs have not gone south (yet). I think I appreciate myself more than I did when I was younger. I look back on photos and think I should've been more vain in my glorious youth.

I have had my teeth whitened this year and have botox about once every 9 months. Both of these things have helped my confidence enormously.
I also invest more money in good clothes and shoes.

I'm another one who everyone used to say how much younger than my age I looked but when I hit 48 that stopped almost overnight. I lost a lot of weight as well which probably didn't help. I'm 49 now and frustrated with the jowls and sagging face that is starting. They make me feel ancient!

I exercise 5-6 days a week so I'm in pretty good shape (quite a few people assume I'm a personal trainer) but I can't shift the extra weight off my middle. Any weight always went on my thighs but now for the first time I've ever, it's on my belly. My waist is rapidly disappearing and it upsets me. I am fighting it all the way but struggling as I don't want to give up nice food completely and have to starve myself. I have great legs and a great bum but damn this peri-menopausal belly!! I have always been slightly pear-shaped but suddenly I'm a damn apple. Wtf?!

I have a (male) gym friend who is also 49. We are literally the oldest swingers in the gym. Everyone we train with is at least 15 years younger than us. We refer to ourselves as "the geriatrics". One of the gym's personal trainers said to me "I hope I'm as fit as you when I'm your age". Er, thanks?!!!

I'm told I dress well and am quite fashion forward (no idea how, I just buy what I like but somehow it seems to become a trend a few months later...bizarre really). You will definitely never find me in Joules or Boden as that's just not my taste. But I stopped wearing heels quite a few years ago. Comfortable flats, that's what I like....definitely show my age there (!) although my style is more Nanushka, Rejina Pyo and Neous than Skechers (no offence meant to anyone who likes Skechers).

I'm 48, I still look nice and feel beautiful.
I have good bone structure and do a bit of face tinkering. I'm a bit fatter than I'd like, I'm a 12 rather than the 8/10 I was at one time. I suspect I'm postmenopausal but planning on HRT due to existing health problems when it hits.

Peri not post. Stupid autocorrect.

I'm 42. In terms of appearance I feel ok. I'm a large 14 at the moment, but I've been around the 12/14 size my whole adult life so don't feel too bad. I have more of a tummy now which I want to reduce! My skin was never great (cystic acne and rosacea) but is loads better now as I have some good products. I wear less makeup as I simply don't have time or inclination to slap the works on. I stopped dyeing my hair as I didn't like how coated my hair felt. I took a break when pregnant and just can't go back to it now.
I've always dressed fairly casual - jeans and tshirts etc. Not going to start wearing more dressy things now.

My health is not as good as it could be. I have UC which is playing up a bit at the moment. I could do more exercise but don't have a lot of time to fit it in. Fatigue is part of my condition and my child still being up at night isn't helping, along with work, house stuff, commute etc.

I had low self-esteem and felt pretty awful about myself from teens to early 30s so reaching the not giving a toss stage is great really. It would have been nice to have felt pretty and nice when I was younger but at least I don't really feel I've lost anything in getting older.

I feel so much better about myself now than I ever have done. Physically my hair is a bit grey and a bit thinning and I’m overweight, but my skin is the best it’s ever been and I’m making moves towards fitness and weight loss. I’m in peri-men and while that brings it’s moments, I’m coping well.

What makes a difference is that I’ve pretty much lost the need to meet other people’s expectations, can be kind and compassionate towards myself and can challenge the part of me that from time to time pops up to tell me how crap I look etc. Ultimately I know that I’m doing the best I can - and my best is generally pretty bloody good!

I feel good in my mid-40s. I work with a lot of young people, which I think helps me feel young, I can wear what I want to work, so I can experiment, and in a creative environment, anything goes.

I've just had my hair dyed grey (from brown - but my re-growth has got very grey-white lately, and I'm fed up of trying to keep it hidden), and the young 'uns love it. I need to wear a little make-up every day, and almost always wear lipstick now (shout out for Maybelline Superstay which goes NOWHERE).

I exercise regularly, although am slightly heavier than I'd like to be - I've spent a lifetime of easily controlled weight by doing nothing, so this has been a bit tricky for me to get my head around, but it is what it is.

Most important is attitude I think, I don't care so much about what other people think, I just do and wear what I want. I'm confident in my decisions. In terms of invisibility, although attractive enough, I've never been a head-turner, so I can't say I miss that. But equally DH and I are happy, so I'm not really looking for people to notice me either (except him of course. And seeing as he didn't notice my fairly radical change of hair colour, perhaps I have actually become invisible lol).

Be kind to yourself, accept yourself. You don't need to be perfect, but equally, there's nothing wrong with striving to be better.

I'm nearly 54 and feel better than I've ever done, although I'm sure I don't look it. I started running seriously age 48, did my first marathon before 50 in just over 3 and a half hours and since then have started triathlons. I'm fitter than I've ever been, slimmer too and agree with the OP that a healthy mind and body are more important than anything else. I run every day, eat healthily (apart from drinking over the recommended amount of red wine). I share clothes with my 18 year old daughter so basically live in jeans. I'm lucky to have no menopause symptoms at all, I got married recently, kids are happy and so am I. I use a little fake tan on my face and no more makeup than before (just mascara and eye liner).

Thank you so much for the replies and advice! @LittleMissEngineer Thank you for being so kind! I do hope you’re right.

This thread has been helpful - it’s encouraging that people do manage to feel and look good over 40! :)

39 now / 40 next year. Feel pretty much the worst I ever have. Three DC, youngest is two. Still breastfeeding. Still waking in the night. Not lost any baby weight. Feel pretty shabby about myself.

I’ve recently started taking control of the little things I can do - I have been having my nails done frequently and they’re looking lovely. I’m growing my hair (I at least have good hair!) and come November ish, after a mortgage application, I’ll be going into a salon for long layers and chocolate base/ light honey ombré coloured in. So beginning to take care of myself again.

I really let myself go after years of being a SAHM and just focusing on the kids. The weight gets me down - i’d like to lose about 3 stone, but accept its better to do it slowly. I’ve definitely been emotionally eating in the evenings so need to break that habit.

Noticing more abs more wrinkles but they don’t really bother me. It’s just the weight!