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Original poster

Laundry: My male partner is very particular about landry.

45 replies

WendyCarrot · 09/08/2019 11:56

Basically I don't load the washer and hang it cause he’s so particular; the amount of detergent, fabric softener ( I come from a family that don't bother so I don't bother ) and he irons pretty much everything. I have a fashion/textiles defree so know how to wash/dry/iron whatever fabrics but he’s still set in his ways and doesn't take my advice, which is fine, one less thing for me to do cause I’m not bothered how my washing is done as long as it’s clean. Basically I make jokes all the time to my family about how particular my partner is about this. They don't know we’re actively trying for a baby and I can’t see beyond how his quite frankly

OP posts:

HoppingPavlova · 09/08/2019 11:57

This sounds great. He can do ALL the washing including the baby’s. Why is this a problem? I would consider it a gift from heaven personally.

Jozen · 09/08/2019 12:01

As long as he's not wrecking your clothes with his washing technique I'd let him crack on.
What does trying for a baby have to do with it though?

Original poster

WendyCarrot · 09/08/2019 12:01

Sorry I submit my thread by accident and I’ve never posted before...

“Basically I don't load the washer and hang it cause he’s so particular; the amount of detergent, fabric softener ( I come from a family that don't bother so I don't bother ) and he irons pretty much everything. I have a fashion/textiles degree so know how to wash/dry/iron whatever fabrics but he’s still set in his ways and doesn't take my advice, which is fine, one less thing for me to do cause I’m not bothered how my washing is done as long as it’s clean. Basically I make jokes all the time to my family about how particular my partner is about this. They don't know we’re actively trying for a baby and I can’t see beyond how his anal washing routine might get in the way of our relationship and potential child in the future. Does anyone have any advice or a partner similar? I’ve stopped loading and hanging the washing cause I’ve been “told off” in the past cause it’s not how he likes it. ”

OP posts:

Original poster

WendyCarrot · 09/08/2019 12:02

I just dont want his laundry routine (which takes a few hours) to interfer with us both caring for our child

OP posts:

NoLeopard · 09/08/2019 12:03

Brilliant. Hopefully he's just as particular about how to clean bathrooms, change bedding, wash up, dust etc. Oh the list is endless.

hormonesorDHbeingadick · 09/08/2019 12:04

What is he doing that takes a few hours? Whack things in the washing machine, add detergent and fabric softener and come back in a couple of hours to hang up to dry.

Unless he is taking hours and hours over washing and you suspect he has OCD.

Sooverthemill · 09/08/2019 12:12

Let him continue to do his washing and you carry on doing yours. Take it in turns to do the baby 's. They will need non bio and no fabric softener. If this is the only thing you are uneasy about it's simple but it sounds like you are concerned more generally about your compatibility

HoppingPavlova · 09/08/2019 12:23

They don't know we’re actively trying for a baby and I can’t see beyond how his anal washing routine might get in the way of our relationship and potential child in the future.

You need to elaborate on exactly what the issue with it is as it’s not clear. Why would it get in the way of a child or relationship?

I know someone who’s husband is like this with both washing up (dishes) and clothes washing. They have been married for nearly 30 years and during this time he has taken on both. He obviously has some underlying issue as she said when she did it on the odd occasion he would have to re-do it. Who cares though? It’s had nothing to do with them raising kids (now adults) apart from the fact the kids never had these as chores. She is just bitterly disappointed he is not as particular about dusting/vacuuming/mopping.

VanGoghsDog · 09/08/2019 12:25

My ex didn't like the way I did washing and I didn't like the way he did it - so he did his and I did mine.

I didn't bother making "jokes all the time" about it though as that would be very wearing.

My current bf likes to use fabric conditioner, I don't bother - not sure about 'coming from a family who don't', I found I was capable of making my own decisions about things like that so I just did that. I actually have no idea if my mum used it or not.

Leave him to it I say.

I have not got DC, nor ever tried to, but I can't see how laundry can get in the way of a relationship really.

PatriciaHolm · 09/08/2019 12:25

Assuming it's not taking hours every day, I don't see the issue.

Laundry needs doing, he's doing it, it may not be how you would and take a little longer but unless it's a serious OCD type obsession it doesn't seem a big issue...

Original poster

WendyCarrot · 09/08/2019 12:29

After I’ve hung stuff (which there is nothing wrong with (cause I’m not and idiot, I HAVE A DEGREE IN FASHION/TEXTILES) ) he likes to re-hang but I’m sorry if we can’t comprise, I’m just not sure how we can deal with baby clothes which obvs need washing more often! He almost can’t unstand I have qualifications and doesn’t believe me?

OP posts:

AngelasAshes · 09/08/2019 12:30

I fail to see the problem? He’s doing all the laundry. That’s a plus.
Hopefully you are doing something to balance that.
All the household chores get bigger with kids anyway..more laundry, house that gets messy faster, more cooking. So chores don’t get in the way of childcare they simply have to be done in addition to childcare.

Tonnerre · 09/08/2019 12:31

How does he manage to take hours over the washing process? It sounds verging on obsessive-compulsive.

AngelasAshes · 09/08/2019 12:33

Instead of fighting over who gets to do the laundry, why not let him crack on with it while you scrub the bathroom and kitchen? Or dust? Or hoover?

AngelasAshes · 09/08/2019 12:34

I think the most time comes from the ironing. Ironing takes hours.

Anois · 09/08/2019 12:35

I suspect there's more to this than laundry. Are you concerned he's a control freak?
You need to be sure you have a future with him before getting pregnant, so maybe hold off on that for now.

East7thst · 09/08/2019 12:38

My DH is also super particular about how his shirts are hung, and I haaaate having to hang up loads of his socks, and we fundamentally disagree on how how much fabric softener is enough, but also, it doesnt matter!
Its how own time and as long as hes still picking up his fair share of other chores I wouldn overthink it.

I mean, say it out loud. I dumped someone because they spent too long on laundry.

Skittlesandbeer · 09/08/2019 12:42

He may well loosen his grip on this household task if/when he’s faced with the monumental endless tsunami of kid’s laundry. You end up in survival mode pretty fast, which cancels out ‘laundry as a Zen art form’.

Just make sure you leave him the all-important ‘non gadget’ facets of laundry also- the prewash sorting, rolling in a towel drying, purchasing, folding and putting away.

Damn, I think I’ve doomed myself to years of laundry product adverts on mn by replying to this post. Had barely typed a keyword when they started up!

cakeandchampagne · 09/08/2019 12:43

You’re “not bothered”, but you “make jokes about it all the time” to your family?
I don’t think this is just about laundry.

thedevilinablackdress · 09/08/2019 12:44

People have funny habits and working around them is part of living together. My OH never thinks I vacuum thoroughly enough, I hate the way he packs shopping bags.
Things will change in many ways when/if you have a baby.
And stop going on about it to your family.

pasanda · 09/08/2019 15:41

God I read part of the OP as the partner performed 'anal washing' on himself 😂

Lilyofthefields · 09/08/2019 15:58

What comprise is needed? Either leave him to it, or do your laundry separately.

Lilyofthefields · 09/08/2019 15:59

(And I think that the joking is unkind or passive aggressive).

LoafofSellotape · 09/08/2019 16:15

I'd have something to say if my husband re hung washing that I 'hadn't hung properly'

He can crack on any way he sees fit with the washing but I wouldn't be happy if he criticised how I did things.

Is it just washing or is he controlling in other ways too?

VanGoghsDog · 09/08/2019 16:30

This is really weird, sorry.

leave him to do the hanging out, don't do it yourself, but if you do it yourself then just don't take offence when he re-does it. My ex used to just throw stuff at the airer and it was all creased - so I rehung my own and left his, as he clearly liked creased clothes or he wouldn't put them like that - he also ironed his clothes, I've not ironed anything for over ten years, because I hang it out properly.
you don't have a degree in laundry, stop going on about your degree, you're obviously a bit precious about that, so maybe that's the underlying problem here.

But, basically, just chill out!

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