Laundry: My male partner is very particular about landry.

[WendyCarrot]

Basically I don't load the washer and hang it cause he’s so particular; the amount of detergent, fabric softener ( I come from a family that don't bother so I don't bother ) and he irons pretty much everything. I have a fashion/textiles defree so know how to wash/dry/iron whatever fabrics but he’s still set in his ways and doesn't take my advice, which is fine, one less thing for me to do cause I’m not bothered how my washing is done as long as it’s clean. Basically I make jokes all the time to my family about how particular my partner is about this. They don't know we’re actively trying for a baby and I can’t see beyond how his quite frankly

Is it more than just the laundry or is this part of a bigger picture?

With a baby in the house he'll have 2 options - become a bit more flexible or completely crack up.

you don't have a degree in laundry, stop going on about your degree

I don't think you're asking a silly question at all.

If he's spending 4 hours on a job that should take 30 minutes, and you're having to do more chores as a result (because he just did "4 hours of chores", so that's his whole share for the weekend) then I can see this becoming a problem.

you don't have a degree in laundry, stop going on about your degree, you're obviously a bit precious about that, so maybe that's the underlying problem here

I think the point of mentioning the textiles degree is to show the OP knows about fabrics and she's quite cable of knowing what will shrink etc so isn't completely incompetent when it comes to bunging a wash on.

I get annoyed by the way in which other people at home hang out clothes, but I've learned not to look. I'm the only one who sorts loads and washes whites and other loads differently. I like my white towels and sheets washed together. Because of that I do all of the washing. I am faster and better at ironing, so I do it. Adult sons iron their own stuff.

Because I do the laundry, I'm exempted from doing the cat litter. Easiest way is to let he who cares about the laundry do the laundry. Leave him to it. Do you own laundry if you would prefer that. If he rehangs the washing (I used to do this), let him. It doesn't hurt and it's his preference, not an attack on you.

Just make sure you've got plenty of baby (and toddler in due course) clothes.

I think it's great - I really believe that in a relationship each side should play to their strengths regardless of family background, sex, tradition etc. My DH does loads of things in a different way to me but if the end result is acceptable we're both happy. He never interferes with the way I manage our finances (although I know he feels I am too organised and budgetty and take it too seriously) but he appreciates the savings I make. I never interfere with the way he prunes the roses (although I think he hard prunes too much) but I like looking at the end results.
Just get enough clothes in to last a couple of weeks and let him get on with it. I am sure he will want the baby's clothes to be clean fresh comfortable as much as you do. And the white noise from washing machines and dryers can be great for settling babies for naps so he should keep the baby nearby while he is laundrying

Is he for rent?

After I’ve hung stuff (which there is nothing wrong with (cause I’m not and idiot, I HAVE A DEGREE IN FASHION/TEXTILES) ) he likes to re-hang but I’m sorry if we can’t comprise, I’m just not sure how we can deal with baby clothes which obvs need washing more often! He almost can’t unstand I have qualifications and doesn’t believe me?

This thread is the gift that keeps giving.

• Thus angst is centred around a baby that does not exist. Odd.

• The fact you have a degree that you feel is related to laundry is neither here nor there. I have successfully independently managed laundry for around 45 years now. I don’t have a degree in laundry or anything related to laundry. Most people I know don’t either (actually no one I know does and I am a bit boggled something like this even exists) yet everyone seems to have coped admirably and has not let it hold them back.

• Some people are particular/hung up/OCD about certain things. Can’t understand how you can’t understand that laundry is your DH’s thing and the whole problem could be solved by just letting him crack on with it by himself including the non-existent baby clothes. Instead you could do the hoovering or something else, surely many things to choose from. I appreciate this may seem like a waste of a degree and if you are determined to implement your extraordinary laundry skills and can’t live without this then obviously the relationship will never work. Only you have the answer to this.

• There is something else here at play but you are not saying and are putting forward it is only about the laundry and avoiding the larger issue.

Are you worried that he doesn’t fundamentally respect you?

I'd tell him to only wash & hang out his own clothes from now on. And you don't want to hear about how you're doing it "wrong" ever again when it comes to doing yours. Shut down any further conversation.

When the baby comes either a) take it in turns to wash clothes. Whoever's turn it is does it their way. No further remarks needed from thr other person Or b) hope he's too tired to be so anal

If he does have OCD then mocking him to your family is shitty and you should focus on your crappy behaviour more than fighting to do the laundry. Who the fuck argues to DO the laundry?! Let him crack on with all of it FFS!

Your DP sounds like a nightmare. Tbh I couldn't live with someone like this. Yes everyone has their quirky wee ways, but I couldn't personally live with someone who wasted so much time and energy on doing a particular task 'his' way. and I completely agree with the OP that this could be an issue if/when the baby comes along.

I think you need to raise your concerns with him and listen carefully to his reaction. That should tell you what you need to know.

Joyfullittlehippo I get it. I have a partner who does the cooking. Yay everyone says. But it's a way of controlling me. He belittles and undermines me in many ways, and his 'oh newuser is too stupid to even cook' stuff is a part of it. And it grinds you down.

I loved to cook, now I'm scared to. And I feel like I am not allowed a view on what I'm eating, while still getting abuse for being overweight. Even the slightest suggestion is taken as a massive criticism and a sulk for days.

Sorry, hit a nerve there!

I get it. My DH has some OCD tendencies which result in him doing two jobs instead of one. Example - he'll strip the bed to wash the sheets but then he'll make the bed without new sheets etc so it has to be unmade again later to put new stuff on. It sounds petty but it's wearing after a while. There are other things.

We don't have children as we married later in life but when we had young grandchildren to stay he'd want to get them up in the morning and tidy the house instead of tidying after they'd gone - did he expect the house to stay tidy for the rest of the day?

I could go on. Its not a deal breaker for us now but could have been more of an issue if we had children and he was making everything take twice as long and then doing it all over again for no reason.

Most of us learn to wash clothes without a degree in laundry. We even learn to cook without having attended French cookery schools.

Leave him to do his laundry and you do yours. Tell him to not touch your stuff!

And stop taking to your family about this. It's not so entertaining

Well does he worry about your stuff or just his ? He'd probably be fine leaving you with the baby stuff or just treating it normally, just get jersey baby grows and it doesn't need ironing and you can tumble dry.

My DH can be a bit like this and I just say I will do it if he wants and will hang his trousers to dry in the stupid way he likes, but other than that I'll do it my way. He can make his choice to do his himself. I have found he has compromised a lot since DC as time is lacking, doing anything with a baby or toddler takes 5 times longer so easier to do when they are sleeping. He did complain about that I don't iron and I said I don't have time. He said I could do it now as DC were sleeping it was 6 am and I said he could of done it last night instead of watching crap on his iPad whilst I was asleep

Is this his only OCD thing or his / was he military ?

Most of us learn to wash clothes without a degree in laundry.
She didn't say that, she just said, because she has a textiles degree, that she knows about how to treat fabric and isn't going to wreck everything.

Newuser You absolutely shouldn't be with someone who behaves like that. I know this thread isn't about you but you're with a mentally and emotionally abuse dick. Get rid of him and be happy.