Funeral - "no dark colours"

[HopefulButScared]

I was wondering if you could help me. I'm going to a funeral this week and it specifically says "no dark colours". I completely think that people should have whatever they wish, but I'm feeling slightly uncomfortable about it.

I want to respect their wishes, but I'm also aware that the family I am going with will likely not adhere to it.

For clarity - distant member of DH's family, DH and I are going to support a close family member as there might be very few people attending, they have had a rubbish time recently and some closer family members are unable to attend.

I was thinking a black skirt/trousers with a yellow top and black jacket as an option to put over (if it's not sweltering). What would you think?

If it specifies no dark colours, I would not wear dark trousers and a dark jacket. I'd just follow the dress code. Assuming you are in the UK, a dress, either in bright or light colours would easily work this time of year.

I wore a summer dress to my mum's funeral. It's what she wanted. Not all her family approved but my mum made me promise

I wore a grey dress with pink flowers to my Dads funeral
The instructions are for no dark colours , so I’d not wear black

Don't wear black and yellow. You'll look like a wasp. Maybe green?

If you want to wear something sombre, do you have anything in grey? That seems to be an option at funerals I've been to.

Its a difficult one , but probably best to try and adhere to the dress code .. How about navy? maybe with a lighter blue or cream top? Maybe a toning scarf? its formal-ish , but not black

I wore light navy and took a bright red bag to a funeral which specified no black. It was a good compromise.

All my clothes are dark, so that’s what I’d be wearing. Wearing bright colours or pastels would be the equivalent for me of fancy dress.

I wore a bright blue dress with flowers on to my husbands funeral. Not because he wanted bright colours, but blue was his fave colour and as it was my last time saying goodbye to him I wanted to look good for him.

my Grandads was supposed to be 'spring' colours. About half the people stuck to it, the rest in dark or black.
As long as it's respectful clothing I really wouldn't overthink it. Be comfortable in what you are wearing and just concentrate on supporting each other to say goodbye.

This was the dress code for my MIL’s funeral (we discussed it beforehand, and she was very specific).

Looking back, I honestly can’t remember what other people were wearing, and I am sure that none of th close family would have Ben upset if people did wear dark colours. She was very involved in her diocese so there were a lot of clergy there, which meant a lot of people in black (with dog-collars) anyway. What mattered to us was people being there with us, to mourn and to celebrate her life.

If you are more comfortable in a darker colour, maybe you could accessorise it with a bright colour.

I've been to two funerals where there was a "no dark colours" dress code. Both occasions about half adhered to the dress code. So long as you are dressed respectfully you will be fine. I doubt you will be the only one in dark colours if that is your preference. I wore navy to one and black to the other. I'd already bought the dress by the time by the time I was told of the change and took offence at being told how to grieve by a relative so wore it anyway. I like to think sticking to my guns is what my grandfather would have wanted anyway!

I don't think you should wear black trousers and a black jacket. That's exactly what they're asked you not to do. Navy is a better middle ground.

A little navy with a lot of a lighter colour?

Will you be buying an outfit or picking from what you have?

I find these rules so uncomfortable. In my view, the funeral is about those left behind saying goodbye and grieving ( which is part of the human process of getting over it). If those left behind want to wear black or dark colours, why does it matter to the deceased? They are not here to comment.

I read an article once that in modern times people find it much harder to deal with grief as there is no societal outlet - in days gone by you wore black or an armband for a defined length of time, or some religions /cultures wept and howled - again for a societal norm length of time. These days one is expected to wear bright colours and celebrate life without the grief and emotional response - which is harder in a way. I find I tend to agree with this view.

We had rugby shirts at my dads funeral! It was really quite cool to turn round and see all the different colours from all over the world

I would opt for white. Still a traditional mourning colour but adheres to the dress code.

The deceased may well have stipulated no black ,my late friend did.

My default funeral frock is navy with small muted pink, cream and green flowers.
DM wore French navy and rose pink to DFs funeral, I thought that was a good choice - not dark, but not garish either. That's probably the sort of effect to aim for (colours to suit your own colouring, obv)

Don’t wear dark colours, you’ll stick out like a sore thumb.

I went to the very sad funeral of a colleague’s daughter. I was working a four day week at the time, and word went round the day before that she’d requested that people wear bright colors to celebrate her life. It was my day off, I didn’t know and I turned up the next day at the funeral in a respectful (or so I thought) black outfit.

Never felt so uncomfortable in my life.

I think you should wear what the bereaved family have asked you to wear. Sorry but it’s not about your feelings or your comfort. This might have been the final wishes of the deceased. If the people you’re going with choose to ignore it then thst’s Up to them.

Don’t wear black. I requested no black clothes at my dd’s funeral earlier this year as I didn’t want a reminder that this was a sad, awful, morbid occasion (I didn’t need the reminder) but tbh I didn’t notice what anyone was wearing. Please try and respect the family’s wishes.

What about pale dove grey trousers or skirt with powder blue or rose pink top? Fairly muted but still adhering to the dress code. It doesn't say you have to wear neon yellow or acid green, just not dark colours.

I am personally a bit taken aback that some people are suggesting that you ignore what the family have requested and wear dark colours. To me, it's disrespectful, even if you hold the view that black is the "appropriate" thing for funerals.

Thank you all? There are some really great suggestions there.

I will have a look through my wardrobe in the morning and if nothing suitable I will head to the shops. A blue colour seems like a very good option.

(Sorry I took so long to reply, completely lost the thread for a while!)

Sorry, rogue question mark! Genuinely thank you!!