Funeral - "no dark colours"

[HopefulButScared]

I was wondering if you could help me. I'm going to a funeral this week and it specifically says "no dark colours". I completely think that people should have whatever they wish, but I'm feeling slightly uncomfortable about it.

I want to respect their wishes, but I'm also aware that the family I am going with will likely not adhere to it.

For clarity - distant member of DH's family, DH and I are going to support a close family member as there might be very few people attending, they have had a rubbish time recently and some closer family members are unable to attend.

I was thinking a black skirt/trousers with a yellow top and black jacket as an option to put over (if it's not sweltering). What would you think?

How do you feel about this?

That would be spot on Hopeful.

Yes that is perfect.

Purple? A mourning colour and bright.

Purple is another colour of mourning if that works with your wardrobe.

Your outfit choice is perfect, definitely respect the family/deceased's wishes. I specified no suits/black to DH's funeral (he was only 35) and encouraged nerdy/gaming t shirts. It was such a comfort to see all the mario cart etc t shirts there honouring him as he would have wished.

Thank you, I think it's the lighter colours they want and also feels respectful so a good compromise.

I apologise if it seemed like I was making it about me, that's not the case at all and if you knew me you would realise this is the complete opposite. The deceased was a very old, distant relative of my DH, I don't know his close family who have made the request. I do know that there are unlikely to be a large number of people there and the side of the family I am going with, and make up a hood number of the attendees, are very traditional. I've been lucky to only attend four funerals so far and never one that made any different request regarding clothing and wanted to make sure I wasn't going to get it completely wrong and stand out.

Thank you so much to everyone who has helped, and I'm so sorry for your losses

I want everyone in jeans at my funeral.
Obvs I'd be dead so couldn't enforce it, but I'd be requesting it.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz my husband would have happily had jeans at our wedding. I fully expect he will want the same at his funeral if he gives it some thought.

Definitely adhere to the dress code since there is one.

It’s worse the other way round - my aunt and her daughter wore bold patterned floral dresses (one monochrome, one bright pink) to my Nan’s funeral, and it pissed me off all day. They stuck out like sore thumbs and to this day I don’t know why they chose to.

I apologise if it seemed like I was making it about me, that's not the case at all and if you knew me you would realise this is the complete opposite.

Don't worry, it was perfectly clear from the second para of your OP that your concern is for the feelings of other people. There's always a few people who'd rather criticise than actually try to be helpful, unfortunately.

I would go with grey. That's what I wore at the first break where no black was specified

Haworthia perhaps your Nan loved flowers or had made a comment about wanting people to wearing florals or patterns to her funeral so that was their way of honouring their Mum/ Nan! My DGF joked he would come back and haunt us if we did not wear red to his funeral - he wanted us to celebrate his happy long life! Several of us did wear a bit of red- it was a way to honour him and remember his sense of humour!

Haworthia perhaps your Nan loved flowers or had made a comment about wanting people to wearing florals or patterns to her funeral so that was their way of honouring their Mum/ Nan!

If that were the case then wouldn’t she have made sure the rest of her immediate family knew about it, rather than just her daughter and one grandchild? As it was, everyone was dressed in traditional black, so my aunt and cousin just looked strange.

The white and blue dress is perfect, and very lovely! Where's it from?

@CheckingOutTheQuantocks Thank you, I hope it arrives in time - we're a bit isolated here so can take a day or two longer sometimes. It's actually from Dorothy Perkins! In their sale at the moment.

@HopefulButScared - it was abundantly clear to me, all along, that you were not making this all about you - you wanted to make sure you would not upset or offend the close relatives who had decided on this particular dress code!

Much better to have a discussion here, anonymously, than to end up worrying you were wearing the wrong thing, and might have made a difficult day harder for the other people grieving the loss of your relative.

That dress is really nice. I think in this case going with lighter colours is the "safer option" as no one could complain if you followed the dress code. And if it's reasonably smart it still looks like you made an effort. The no dark colours thing usually is because those arranging it want it to be a celebration of life.