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Style and beauty

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Original poster

Has your look changed and do people treat you differently?

57 replies

ClementineSalad · 14/06/2019 10:07

Over the last 2 - 3 years I have totally changed my look after discovering colour and make-up, started spending more on myself, stopped wearing glasses, grown my hair long and lost a bit of weight. Sometimes I see people who knew me 'before' and I see them do a double take. At risk of sounding vain, I know I look much better than I used to damn right after all the money Ive spent

But there's the thing - I think people treat me differently now. I really notice it with shop assistants, but I've noticed a shift in other people too that's not all the positive. I think people were almost kinder to me when I was dowdier and they thought I was smarter. Someone called me formidable and I'd never been called that before.

I don't THINK I've changed on the inside but maybe I have, but it's led to a bit of a crisis of self I hadn't expected now I feel like I'm a different person in a room and not always in a good way.

Has anyone else had this? How did you cope?

OP posts:

Smellbow · 14/06/2019 11:04

I am really not particularly good looking and make little effort day to day (although now I am more senior at work I do try a little more) mainly because I'm lazy. But if I put my mind to it, I scrub up pretty well and I have frequently had people comment on it. To point where I have been out for work nights out and not been recognized when I walked up to the group. When I got back to uni from my year abroad none of my lecturers recognized me (they told me how hilarious they thought that was afterwards). I once went to work to pick up a girl I worked with for a night out and she started asking if I had an appointment. Those are just a few examples.

If I am "dressed up" more, I actually am really uncomfortable with the extra attention (and I will reiterate that I am not good looking, really not anything special AT ALL, but I am a particular shade of blonde which I guess is noticeable when not stuffed in a ponytail and I wear contacts out of work and have quite blue eyes which are usually hidden by glasses), it's not always positive, and I think this is why I don't dress up particularly for work.

Also people being all "Wow, you look so different, amazing" and basically saying I look at total mess usually

So, yes, people do treat you differently according to how you look, in my experience of a case study of 1.

Original poster

ClementineSalad · 14/06/2019 11:13

That's interesting.

FWIW I don't think I'm naturally massively good looking either but the extra effort has made a difference.

I think I'd always like how it made me feel but I don't always

OP posts:

Floisme · 14/06/2019 11:43

I don't think being interested in clothes has done me any favours at work. I suspect I am viewed in some quarters as flighty and not to be taken seriously, even though I am always appropriately dressed.

However I've noticed if I'm wearing clothes that make me feel good then I walk differently and my whole demeanor is different (more confident). I imagine that rubs off on people. But it doesn't necessarily equate with being dressed up or whether I'm wearing make up.

wheresmymojo · 14/06/2019 11:44

I'm the reverse really....I'm no model but reasonably attractive and I had a good figure and would always wear heels and fitted dresses, make up, etc.

I've now put a lot of weight on and am happier with hair scraped back and no make up. I mainly wear leggings.

There are two main changes:

Generally people are nicer to me day to day, people would always say to me that before they got to know me they thought I was stuck up/arrogant/unapproachable until they got to know me (because I'm actually not any of those things!)

I don't get any male attention now and I bloody love being invisible to be honest. No creepy men! I don't have to worry that colleagues are going to crack on to me at work drinks out... It's amazing.....

So yeah, I'm trying to lose weight but this part isn't very motivating to...

Morgan12 · 14/06/2019 11:47

Yep totally get what you mean.

When I tell people I'm an accountant I can see their shock. Like you can't be possibly be attractive and clever.

I'm really not being boastful although it sounds it. I'm not the best looking in the room but never the ugliest.

Original poster

ClementineSalad · 14/06/2019 12:04

That’s so interesting people are nicer. That’s the opposite to what I’m finding

OP posts:

sar302 · 14/06/2019 12:10

There was an interesting thread on here a while ago about a woman who had taken up running, was getting fit etc. And one of her so called friends was really mean about it. I think people get used to who they think you are, and then if you break out of that pigeonhole, they're not always pleased with the results.

If you're projecting more confidence than you were before - at work for example - there may be people who dislike that. But quite frankly, sod them! As long as you're comfortable and feeling good, that's all that matters. And those that won't come along for the ride aren't worth your time x

wellhonestly · 14/06/2019 13:38

Used to notice a huge difference in shop assistants’ attitude to me. On the weekend , when I was dressed-down, I would be followed around suspiciously and be given help only very grudgingly. If I shopped on my lunch break, dressed smartly, makeup etc, they tended to be much nicer.

Now I am older I don’t notice it so much, although I do dress a bit smarter in general anyway, even at the weekend.

Blueandredandblue · 14/06/2019 14:09

I've gone the opposite way. I dress down to avoid too much attention. Unfortunately it doesn't always work, mainly due to my body shape.- size 8 with boobs. Also being dressed down makes me feel a bit slouchy, I develop a poor posture, and this affects my mood.
I think it's better to do what makes you happy

EatenByDinosaurs · 14/06/2019 16:45

Yes definitely, I used to dress in a lot of floral prints, dresses, colours etc, and one day on a whim I bought a pair of leather leggings as I'd always wanted some but had never been brave enough to try them.

It took me several weeks to work up the courage to wear them out, and holy crap the way I was treated was different.
Women are nowhere near as nice, I've had lot of aren't you worried DC will be embarassed by you sorts of comments . Nope, DC thinks I look awesome thanks aside from the initial "wow Mummy, great Kylo Ren costume, are you going to wear it for Halloween?

I've switched my style to be a lot more minimalist and edgy in an elegant kind of way as its how I've always wanted to dress and I've finally given up listening to my mother's ridiculous attitudes on " mutton dressed as lamb". It's very freeing

Freyasmum1 · 14/06/2019 16:50

People used to act like I was fun but had loose morals (blonde, skinny, wore lots of black) and now they act like I'm young and stupid (dark hair, chubby, wear lots of grey).

LuxuryWoman2018 · 14/06/2019 18:43

I’d love to be called formidable.

I think sometimes there’s an element of feeling a bit more confident when we make more effort and people respond to that, and also it takes a while to adapt to our new selves be that a new hair colour, weight or clothing style.

RomanyQueen · 14/06/2019 18:53

I'm about to make huge differences as I'm welcoming a new culture into my life.
From Jeans to skirts, no jewellery to lots of big stuff.
Wearing head scarves, and dresses.
I've lost one stone, with one to go.
No idea of reaction yet as just getting the stuff together.
Mine is really drastic so thinking of doing it gradually

ProfOf · 14/06/2019 19:19

I’ve lost over 4 stone, gone from an 18 to a toned 10, and like OP, discovered / changed hair and makeup. New clothes with help from a great JL personal shopper who suggested clothes I would never have considered before. On the whole, people are just the same towards me but I seem to have become visible again to the type of man who likes to “eye up” women. I don’t like that at all.

CitadelsofScience · 14/06/2019 19:38

I've always been described as good looking rather than pretty but I too have gained weight and started to dress differently AND I'm in my 50's; I've become invisible to the general population.

I'm on a thread at the moment about ageing and make up and I've decided I've had enough of the invisibility all caused by anxiety and depression and I'm getting back on the self care horse.

Sagradafamiliar · 14/06/2019 21:23

Going to sound a dick, but it was a revelation when I got reading glasses recently and I found that if I wear them out with with a more 'covered up' coat or jacket, I get less hassle from men.
Generally I get treated very, very well or the opposite, there's not really an in between.

ReggaetonLente · 14/06/2019 22:07

I'm the opposite, I've gone from a size 10 who spent time on herself to a 12 who barely has time to shower (yes, I had a baby...)

Its very strange, I'm ignored in the street and shops by the people who are the 'old me', but acknowledged much more by other mums. A nice swap.

Original poster

ClementineSalad · 15/06/2019 00:00

It’s so interesting isn’t it. I think people especially at work found my old dowdy self a bit endearing in a way they don’t anymore

OP posts:

OliveKoch · 15/06/2019 08:47

This is interesting. I've recently done the opposite, OP - stopped wearing much make up and started to feel free to leave the house in whatever dowdy nonsense I feel like. I'd been worried that people would like me less when made less effort and so looked less conventionally attractive, but if anything other women are friendlier. Yes, I'm more overlooked by men, but I can more than live with that.

Namechanger4dis · 15/06/2019 11:27

I was always very attractive with a great body up until my early twenties.

I then put on a lot of weight, stopped wearing make up, my style changed due to clothes not fitting etc.

All of a sudden people would make the most stark assumptions. Some may have been due to my own confidence etc but a lots was definitely people making assumptions I.e Thinking I wasn’t a professional, assuming I was less intelligent, less well off, being surprised by hobbies.

I have now lost a lot of weight (not yet back to my pre fat weight) and people have started to not make these assumptions as much.

It is actually quite fascinating.

Namechanger4dis · 15/06/2019 11:28

I would also second the PP that when I am fat and rowdy women are a lot nicer to me.

Namechanger4dis · 15/06/2019 11:28

*dowdy

userabcname · 15/06/2019 11:35

I could have written @wheresmymojo 's post! I'm the same. Since having a baby and not losing the baby weight I love the lack of attention! I feel a lot freer make-up-less and casually dressed.

Sarcelle · 15/06/2019 11:44

I am middle aged and over the last few years I have lost weight and I am in the best shape I have been for a long time. I lost is slowly by cutting down and being active so no drastic diet, the weight came off slow and took a long time for people to notice. I never spoke about it but it revived an interest in clothes.

Well, friends have been fine but colleagues (female) are not happy at all. We are all ships that pass in the night so I don't have much to do with them but I used to wrack my brains on how I had upset them. Did I say something to offend them but as I hardly saw them I didn't think so. The penny dropped when one of them made a barbed comment about my appearance. Because I had the temerity to improve my health and looks it did not go down well. Disappointing and stupid.

Men are more attentive, sometimes in a creepy way which is not welcomed.

Blueandredandblue · 15/06/2019 13:33

This is interesting. I've always had problems with other women, never made friends easily and often pick up frenemies. A lot of women are openly hostile and appear to just hate me on sight. Men are mostly creepy, and the ones that are friendly usually make a move sooner or later. So I have very few friends. I've had a lot of problems at my dc school, with gossip and bitchiness,men leering. It truly gets me down.
Today I've changed my outfit three times, because the only way to not attract attention from men and hatred from women is to just exist. I've been in tears over it many times. I can't have a decent relationship and I've always been quite lonely.
I've posted on here about it and all I get is nasty comments. I don't think people give any thought to how it affects my mental health

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