Has your look changed and do people treat you differently?

[ClementineSalad]

Over the last 2 - 3 years I have totally changed my look after discovering colour and make-up, started spending more on myself, stopped wearing glasses, grown my hair long and lost a bit of weight. Sometimes I see people who knew me 'before' and I see them do a double take. At risk of sounding vain, I know I look much better than I used to damn right after all the money Ive spent

But there's the thing - I think people treat me differently now. I really notice it with shop assistants, but I've noticed a shift in other people too that's not all the positive. I think people were almost kinder to me when I was dowdier and they thought I was smarter. Someone called me formidable and I'd never been called that before.

I don't THINK I've changed on the inside but maybe I have, but it's led to a bit of a crisis of self I hadn't expected now I feel like I'm a different person in a room and not always in a good way.

Has anyone else had this? How did you cope?

The most interesting bit, is that I've been accused of stealth boasting. But it's a genuine thing. Reading everyone's posts on here about how they've noticed this change around them when they've lost weight etc, is sad but also reassuring that the problem is not with me. I'm not the arsehole

Do you think it's better to do changes gradually if it's going to be a complete change.
I thought I'd start with hair, then add the jewellery, then the make up, then the clothes.
I think people would be too surprised if I did it all at once.

I think just wear whatever makes you pleased with your reflection. People always find reasons to hate. IME, you'll never please them. You'll end up feeling worse about yourself. Why should you put yourself through that to keep shallow petty people happy

The penny dropped when one of them made a barbed comment about my appearance.

Nice! What did they say?!

Blueandredandblue what are you wearing that you’ve needed to change your outfit 3 times in a day?
I’m in my 40s and thus have become invisible.
It’s nice :)

By the way I don’t know why this comes as a surprise to so many people? If you dress up and make an effort to look attractive then of course people will look at you. Isn’t that what you were essentially aiming for?

Black T-shirt and black jeans/ long top and leggings/ now in leggings/ T-shirt/ cardigan that covers bum, all with converse.
Ordinary clothes

No, not aiming to be leered at, or receive nasty comments. Just to look presentable.
Thanks for the nasty comment.

I was a gym fanatic, size 8/10 - would get harassed by men in the street, horrible.

I had a period of being really unwell and dropped to a size 6. I’m 5’10 so I was really gaunt. Mums at school started gushing about how amazing I looked

Now - due to meds I’m a size 16. Some male attention but significantly less; but the women? I’ve ‘let myself go’ and ‘such a shame’. Of course, I haven’t spelt out I’m on meds (and unable to exercise) as it’s none of their business - so the switch in attitudes is fascinating.

No Tea obviously I can't speak for others but I don't dress up for others, or to be looked at, and I'm sure many others are the same.
I wear the clothes I love and that make me smile, I don't give a toss if others look at me (I'd much rather they didn't) but what I wear coincides with what is considered dressing up, so unless I want to change what I love wearing, its an undesirable side effect.

Blue nope definitely not you, and yes it does have a significant effect on mental health. When people say you're stealth boasting its even worse, and makes the while thing even more hurtful. I went through a long period of wearing "safe" clothes as after being raped a lot of years ago I was told, and almost believed myself that I was "asking for it" by dressing up. So when people come out with the old why dress up if you don't want to be looked at/leered at/commented on its hard to not revert back. Our society has some shitty victim blaming attitudes to women.

Romany I think you should do what you're comfortable with, sometimes doing it piecemeal makes it an easier transition for yourself too.
I say that as an expat so probably not the same thing, but I've tried piecemeal and full on, and long term piecemeal sees to work better, for me anyway. Its always an adjustment process, I find your brain gets stuck in its ways even when you think it hasn't

Sorry! I meant aiming to look nice and attractive, not aiming for leers!

Who knows then Blueandredandblue, maybe try bumblebee tights and fairy wings and you’ll be left alone! (Meant in a nice way!)

Blue I can identity, but only jealous or insecure people would treat you badly, do you not get the opposite where shop assistants can't do enough to help you and things like that?
I've had people come up to me in clubs before and say that I look like I think I'm something special and that they wanted to smack me one or whatever, but after they'd approached me to speak or overheard me, they could see I'm nothing like what they thought. When people know you're a good person, then you get treated as such, surely?

Ffs I'm out of breath reading that back 😂 must use more full stops.

maybe try bumblebee tights and fairy wings and you’ll be left alone!

Or attract a whole new class of disturbing leers

I had facial surgery and am not quite pretty, I have noticed a huge change in how people act towards me....

BUT it is in response to how I behave. Before I wad always aware of my facial deformity (huge overbite and wonky teeth) so wasn't very confident. Now I kniw I am at least average looking I make eye contact, I smile, I am comfortable in my skin and friendly so people are just responding to that.

I'm very short sighted and have been since childhood. I mostly wear contact lenses and I'm definitely more invisible with my specs on. I get ignored by shop assistants, people I know fairly well sometimes don't recognise me, men much less accommodating... the difference still surprises me.

Blueandredandblue, I believe you’re not stealth boasting and I sympathise.

I just wrote a big post and lost it but the short version is that since I got a bit fat people are nicer to me although they are inclined to treat me as a little less intelligent. I have also started to make friends with other women.

So in short I used to be thin and unhappy. Now I’m fat and happy. Ideally I’d like to get to thin and happy!

In my 30s I was obese with falling out hair & looked poorly as I had a breakdown & Psychosis.

Now I'm stable. I'm 42, much slimmer, better hair, blond highlights, fashionable clothes, smile more.
Despite wearing glasses I get more male attention & it feels nice sometimes a bit scary at other times.

Other people have always been nice to me though. I'm the kind of person that old ladies chat to at bus stops! And when I'm in cafes people ask me to look after their laptops or buggies while they use the toilet!
I must look trustworthy.

Schnitzel I'm invisible with glasses too - what's that about?? I actually only started wearing contacts in my late 20s as I was fed up with cleaning rain off my specs and having them mist up walking inside in the winter. The side effect of suddenly being taken seriously as a human being was something of a revelation.

I'm sure no one would admit (even to themselves) that they were less interested in what other people had to say if they were wearing glasses and yet it's such an overwhelming there must be something there. I'm still fat with terrible skin so it's not general attractiveness!

I echo wheresmymojo and Katniss as the lack of male attention is a welcome break. And I was never even that good looking.

@CitadelsofScience what thread are you on?

I’m no stunner but when I go to work I wear makeup, nice clothes, heels and shapewear and I sometimes see men looking at me.

When i’m on my days off with DS it’s no makeup, hair’s usually a mess, pretty grumpy clothes and I am 100% invisible to men. I don’t find women treat me differently either way except when i’ve got DS with me everyone seems much friendlier.

Don’t really give a toss either way tbh.

Grumpy clothes = frumpy clothes