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Original poster

How bad does this outfit sound?

32 replies

HairdresserWithARubixCube · 13/12/2018 16:03

My niece is pretty upset about this. The other day she was out with a few of her friends to McDonalds and this idiot and his girlfriend (apparently a few years older than her) said right to her face when walking past her "look at the state of you". She keeps asking me if shes ugly now, or if it was just her outfit. I keep telling her it was her outfit but since her bitchy friend told her she looked nice shes confused (although it wouldnt be surprising if her friend wanted her to look bad so that she looks better).

She was wearing a blue and black short sleeve checkered shirt, silver sparkly shorts, black tights with a black blazer and either black Vans trainers or ballet pumps. To me, this has to be why he said this, but I'm just trying to reassure her. Opinions? Thanks.

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fringegrin45 · 13/12/2018 16:22

I think the phrase is"haters gonna hate" ie nasty people say nasty things and are best ignored.

Good opportunity to help her learn to develop a thick skin - analysing the outfit just reinforces idea there's something wrong with her or the outfit.

Maybe help her to consider why a girl like that might be openly mean in that setting

Original poster
HairdresserWithARubixCube · 13/12/2018 16:48

@fringegrin45 I suppose she would just rather know that It was about her outfit and not actually her that was a state. For the most part she does have thick skin, but she also has anxiety issues. I was exactly like her. Some people can brush things off easily and some can't. If only it were as simple as not caring. Even random strangers can make most people upset and some people need reassurance every now and then.

I don't think she even knows the people that said it. It was just a guy with his girlfriend that said it to her. They're scumbags and their opinion shouldn't matter, but to some people a random strangers opinion carries more weight.

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thedevilinablackdress · 13/12/2018 17:07

Why would YOU tell her it was her outfit? I mean, ok, some people will pick up on any tiny spark of individuality and use it to bully people. But surely you should support your neice and put it all back on the other person being a mean nasty bully showing off

fabulousathome · 13/12/2018 17:13

Just tell her that people are strange.

No need to stress over it, although sparkly shorts in the daytime might be a teeny but bit odd, but no one should comment on what others wear anyway.

Original poster
HairdresserWithARubixCube · 13/12/2018 17:45

@thedevilinablackdress I didn't tell her it was her outfit. She asked me if it was either that she was ugly or if they just didn't like her outfit. Shes beautiful, so therefore I dont think that this was the case. As someone who was bullied badly for years, I wouldn't have accepted that they were "just saying something random to be mean for no reason" excuse, and neither would she, so I suggested the most plausible cause, which would be her outfit because it was probably not for everyone, but I still wouldnt have stopped her from wearing it because she liked it. I'm not going to feel bad about that.

@fabulousathome Think it was about 6 or 7pm, so it would have been dark. They shouldn't, people are arseholes sometimes. When I have children, I just want to wrap them up in a blanket and keep them close in a cabin with no internet access.

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thedevilinablackdress · 13/12/2018 18:24

Fair enough. I guess I was going by the title of your post. It'd be a shame if she felt she can't wear what she wants and has to conform.

Avegemitesandwich · 13/12/2018 18:28

To me, this has to be why he said this

Nope. He said it because he is an arsehole. And that is the message you need to give to your niece.

I think the outfit sounds gorgeous and it doesn't even sound massively 'out there' either.

BikeRunSki · 13/12/2018 18:34

There is nothing wrong with your nice, or her outfit. The other girl is a b*tch and just said that to make her feel uncomfortable and undermine her self esteem.

Grace789 · 13/12/2018 18:35

Sparkley shorts and a plaid shirt is a strange combo but most likely the girl is jealous

Original poster
HairdresserWithARubixCube · 13/12/2018 18:38

@thedevilinablackdress I maybe phrased it wrong, but i couldn't change it. It would be. People like this think they can go around bullying people that they don't even know, get a kick out if it, and think that it doesnt affect them. People kill themselves because of stuff like this (it usually takes more than just one comment, but it depends on their state of mind) If he said it to me I would have kicked him up the arse. And his gf.

@Avegemitesandwich Well, there is that lol.

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Original poster
HairdresserWithARubixCube · 13/12/2018 18:40

Thank you to the other two posters btw. I think it was the fact the guy said it that made her more upset (The girl just laughed).

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ilovecherries · 13/12/2018 18:50

The young woman sitting next to me on the train has just typed into WhatsApp ‘why does it happen to me. Ugly bald old cow chooses to sit next to me when the train is half empty’. People are just horrible sometimes and feed their own lack of self esteem by trying to make other people feel bad or to raise a laugh. It’s not her, or her outfit. It’s always all about them in this type of situation.

Grace212 · 13/12/2018 18:54

it's neither, surely? It's not her, it's not her outfit.

it's just "haters gonna hate".

Original poster
HairdresserWithARubixCube · 13/12/2018 19:03

@ilovecherries What an arse bag. That is just downright nasty actually. If shes that bothered she should move instead of complaining about you behind your back. I don't mind when strangers sit next to me though.

@Grace212 It most likely isn't no, but I just wanted to offer the most plausible scenario from her suggestions because I know I would want that when I was her age.

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ARiverInEgypt · 13/12/2018 19:12

It’s an eye catching outfit, that doesn’t fly under the radar. People will notice her, which is fine, but some twats will always take that as their cue to be abusive. Tall people, short people, famous people, redheads, blondes:- if you stick out in any way then somebody moggt decide they need to take a pop, but that’s about them not you. So no, they wouldn’t have said it if she was wearing jeans, but that doesn’t mean she should change her choices.

BusterGonad · 13/12/2018 19:53

I'm not sure blaming her outfit is the way to go.

fringegrin45 · 13/12/2018 20:23

Didn't realise it the boy said it. He was just showing off to his girlfriend.

Polkapjs · 13/12/2018 20:44

Oh that’s awful - the train woman. I’d type into yours in her view “Why do I always sit next to idiots who think I can’t read their phones..”
As for the niece no way say it’s her clothes - just a boy being an arse

Original poster
HairdresserWithARubixCube · 13/12/2018 21:28

@ARiverInEgypt That is very true. People will find any excuse to be an arse.

@BusterGonad Well out of the two scenarios she asked me, 1.) I'm ugly or 2.) They hated my outfit and thought that was ugly, I went with option 2, because she's beautiful. My answer would be that people just say things for no reason just to be an arse, but I knew she wouldn't accept that because I wouldn't. I thought her outfit looked fine. Not for me, but she liked it and she wanted to wear it.

@Polkapjs Seconded.

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BusterGonad · 14/12/2018 02:22

I'm not having a go Hairdresser but I think ignoring the question and moving on to saying how some people are utter knobs would've been better. Regardless of what she looks like, no one deserves to be spoken to that way and suggesting it was the outfit is giving grounding to her being abused in public.

Original poster
HairdresserWithARubixCube · 14/12/2018 03:30

@BusterGonad I know, and Like I said that was my first response and was most likely cause of why the guy said this to her, but again, I did not suggest that it was her outfit. She wouldn't believe me when I told her this, so she asked me if it was either her being ugly, or if it was her outfit so I chose the most plausible scenario out of the two. Like I said, shes beautiful, so this was not the case. She felt better knowing if it was one or the other, so out of the two choices I would have to say it was her outfit. I would not have stopped her wearing it, even if i didn't like it or it wasn't for everyone, because she liked it, so I don't appreciate the comment about giving merit to her being bullied by some random dickhead in the street.

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BusterGonad · 14/12/2018 05:02

I know Blondie sorry if I've upset you, it's so bloody hard with kids, the last thing they need is for some random to make them feel shit, some boy at school said my son was ugly to him, it broke my heart and I laughed and said of course you are not ugly, look at you, you are the most beautiful boy. I then explained that this poor boy must be very unhappy to be calling you ugly, and he mustn't have a happy home like you to say such things. I told him it wasn't the boys fault that he isn't happy and to ignore him in future when he says bad things. Maybe I'm wrong but horrible people generally are very unhappy.

BusterGonad · 14/12/2018 05:04

Once again Blondie I retract my comment, it was silly and hurtful! Angry

Original poster
HairdresserWithARubixCube · 14/12/2018 13:50

@BusterGonad Sorry Buster are you talking to me? Not entirely sure because it says at Blondie but if you are then don't worry about it, kids can be so cruel and it makes me very angry that as you said some random can make them feel like shit and then just walk on it of their lives and then not have to deal with the consequences. There was a girl at her school that was bullied so badly that she tried to commit suicide. Thankfully shes ok now and transferred to another school and isn't bullied anymore, but what really pisses me off is that the kids who bullied her get off Scott free.

You never know what the bully might be going through too (the boy who said that to your son), but that still doesnt give them the right to bully someone! I had a bad home life when I was in primary school (I was briefly in foster care), and one thing I never did was make someone feel like shit just because I did. Then later in primary school the bullying started (calmed down in high school), and i still never bullied anyone. I'm sorry if my previous response came across touchy, Its just that i have no tolerance for bullies and want nothing to do with them. I'm sure your son is beautiful, just like my niece. F the bullies!

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Echobelly · 14/12/2018 13:55

Forget her outfit - tell her that she doesn't need to mind the opinion of nasty, cruel people who say things to strangers just to upset them! Why would she want the good opinion of someone like that anyway? It helped me a lot when I realised that I didn't have to care what nasty people thought of me.