How bad does this outfit sound?

[HairdresserWithARubixCube]

My niece is pretty upset about this. The other day she was out with a few of her friends to McDonalds and this idiot and his girlfriend (apparently a few years older than her) said right to her face when walking past her "look at the state of you". She keeps asking me if shes ugly now, or if it was just her outfit. I keep telling her it was her outfit but since her bitchy friend told her she looked nice shes confused (although it wouldnt be surprising if her friend wanted her to look bad so that she looks better).

She was wearing a blue and black short sleeve checkered shirt, silver sparkly shorts, black tights with a black blazer and either black Vans trainers or ballet pumps. To me, this has to be why he said this, but I'm just trying to reassure her. Opinions? Thanks.

Well out of the two scenarios she asked me, 1.) I'm ugly or 2.) They hated my outfit and thought that was ugly, I went with option 2, because she's beautiful.

But those aren’t the only two scenarios. They aren’t even the most likely scenarios.

My daughter’s best friend was horrible about the outfit she wore to a Christmas party this week.

She wasn’t horrible because my DD didn’t look lovely, she wasn’t horrible because the outfit wasn’t nice.

She was horrible because DD looked beautiful, stylish and very grown up.

Objectively on this particular occasion DD looked more beautiful, more stylish and more grown up than her friend.

This presumably meant her friend felt bad about how she looked and felt the need to take DD down a peg or two.

I’m sure if she’d given it some thought she’d have realised it was an unkind thing to do but she felt bad and her instinct at that moment was to make DD feel bad too.

My DD isn’t responsible for her friends feelings or self esteem. She’s only responsible for her own.

She was disappointed and hurt by her friend’s behaviour but dismissed her comments as irrelevant. The mean comment wasn’t commentary on DD personally but a reflection of her friend’s insecurities about her own perceived inadequacies. (She’s not inadequate at all by the way she’s a pretty girl)

The couple in McDonalds weren’t truly commenting on how your DN looked they were using a put down to a stranger to bolster their own self esteem. It’s not a sign of a strong personality or a nice person.

People think all sorts of things about our outfits all day long, it’s just that most people would be far too polite to ever comment. It doesn’t matter what strangers think.

Other people’s opinions of us are none of our business. Our own good opinion of ourselves is the one that matters.

@Happyandshiney I know. Personally I just think they were being arseholes for the sake of it and to have a laugh. She couldn't accept that though (like me at that age. Hell even to this day actually).

Sorry to hear about your DD. I'm sure she did look beautiful. I only ever went to one Christmas party when I was around her age, and I got loads of comments on how different I looked. Funnily enough, I was wearing sparkly shorts too (and a sparkly long sleeve crop top). My friend in high school sounds a lot like your DDs, but she did it to me every day (don't know about your DDs friend), but you do just either need to cut ties with them or brush off their insults. When our friendship gradually came to an end (she went off with the "cool kids". She was always much more popular than me anyway), my confidence eventually grew a little bit).

Anyway, didn't get much sleep last night so I feel like I'm droning on or not making much sense, so thank you for your input on the matter. You too Echobelly.

Yes it was for you Hairdresser I got confused with someone on another thread, wrong name but right person!

I distinctly remember when I was younger some lads putting other girls down thinking it would somehow boost my ego (admittedly not in earshot). I would tell them where to go, but sadly it obviously worked with this girl if she laughed. My guess is they were both pretty immature and intimidated by a beautiful girl with her own style.

I get that it doesn't make it any less pleasant for your niece, even as an adult that'd sting a bit.

Your DN's outfit sounded fab and I agree with the PPs that the older teenage guy was almost certainly trying to impress his GF by dissing someone else. Quite frankly if his GF is tickled pink by this kind of bullying then she's a bit off.

Girls can be cruel to their peers. I struggled all through my school days with undiagnosed Asperger's and my 'so-called' BF suggested that an M&S nightshirt may be a good match for non-uniform day or my hair needed a ton of gelly gunk stuck in it. Hmm. Not nice

Nothing wrong with the outfit - it sounds great! As others have pointed out, it says more about the couple putting her down than your DN.

@BusterGonad Ah gotcha. I figured you were referring to me since but was just double checking to make sure and not sound like a plonker.

@SarahET They are such arseholes! As an adult that would still sting. Some people would just brush that off but I would personally obsess about it. Some random idiot on the street shouldn't have that effect on you but they somehow do.

@feedingfrenzyatfive I will never understand why some people think that hurting someones feelings is amusing. Clearly they have never experienced bullying first hand or they wouldn't do it. His gf is just as much of an arse as he is. They're perfect for each other! It sounds like we had a similar high school experience. I had undiagnosed aspergers (Very mild though) and a friend exactly like that too. Apparently I was weird just because I wasn't loud and obnoxious, because that makes perfect sense.

@unbalancedBella Going by the comments on the thread this seems the most likely. I think I've almost convinced my niece that this was the cause and not her or her outfit. I do not miss high school one bit!