Mum - possible body odour

[MrsBosh]

My DH told me he thinks my mum might not be taking care of her body odour. He said he's noticed a 'musty' smell dozens of times when she has been in our house.

I see my lovely mum two or three times every week and have never noticed anything like this, so was really surprised. My immediate reaction was quite defensive and offeneded on her behalf. However he obviously felt awful telling me and said he's wanted to mention it for a while but didn't know how.

How do I approach this? She's 62, size 12 and in god health. She takes care of her appearance and does Pilates, wears a bit of makeup, perfume etc. She would always have evening baths when I lived at home and has always used bar soap to wash (before anyone suggests this ). Clothes are washed regularly as is bedding, their house smells clean and is clean. I just don't know what this could be.

I told DH I wanted to be sure that BO was an issue before trying to talk to her about it. But if it is, how on earth do I tackle it? I worry her gut reaction would be to be very hurt and upset with me. But if this is a problem I want to help her sensitively.

Good deodorant recs? She uses roll ons and it's probably Dove or similar. Would it be awful of me to buy something and then have a chat with her and gve her the product to try .

*good health, obv god health must be pretty robust.

Maybe it's his issue rather than your mum's if you haven't noticed any smells

I think you would smell it too ? How strange ?

It's a bit odd if you haven't noticed it as BO is pretty noticeable.

I wouldn't do anything until I was sure it was a problem smell myself.

Hmm musty isn't really BO though, is it? Misty sounds more like not washing clothes regularly or indoor drying etc, but you've said she washes everything regularly.

That said, I was in a similar awkward situation with my mum, but it was a breath issue. I'd noticed it for a few weeks before saying anything, then asked my then DP if he'd noticed and he had. It was really awkward, but one day I just told her. Sensitivity of course. I started it with "I know you would want me to tell you this, but it's still a bit awkward to say....." It turned out she actually had underlying health problems, which were probably causing it. She took it quite well. Didn't get upset, but was obviously a bit embarrassed. Apparently my dad confirmed it too

Anyway, my point is, if you do start noticing yourself, then I think it's just a case of damage limitation, in terms of causing offense, because let's face it, who would want to be told something like this?

If it's not BO or clothes and is musty, I'm wondering if it's health related too ...

I'm glad it's not just me who thinks it's strange to have never smelt it myself. I agree it is normally quite obvious in people and I think my sense of smell is pretty good at the moment as I have a baby who is weaning and thus producing lots of lovely nappies a day . He said I could have just got used to it. DH is an HCP so undoubtedly used to being in close proximity to people with BO/unclean.

I asked whether it could just be cooking smells lingering on her jacket or something but he's adament it's BO.

I may see her at some point this weekend. Ugh, and have to try and awkwardly smell her. My poor mum. If it's not true then it's awful he thinks that of her.

If you can't smell it them I would be sceptical about this. Does he not like your mother?

Could it be something else and he's wrongly attributing it to BO? Probably unlikely if he's a HCP...

The last few years my mum has smelt quite strong when she's on her period. It's not a BO smell but I could perhaps imagine someone mistaking it for that if they didn't know better?

Oh pretzel I can imagine that was a tough conversation to have. Hope your mum is OK? Sounds like it was worth the awkwardness to tell her.

Perhaps it's a perfume she sometimes wears that smells 'musty' to DH [clutches at straws].

Disclaimer: don't read if you have a weak stomach...
To me, BO smells kind of strong and sweet or like cooked food like beans. Not 'musty' (his words).

I'm going to ask DH to describe it more.

It might be the smell of the people your dh is coming into contact with through his job that he is smelling, sometimes bad smells linger in your nostrils.
It sounds odd that you’ve not smelt it yourself.

I think that if you need to ‘try and smell’ her then it can’t be that bad?

Honestly I'd be very careful before saying anything to your mum, especially if you're not sure she actually smells. Once you've said it there's no taking it back, and it may hurt her feelings a lot.

If I couldn't smell anything then I wouldn't say anything, simple as that. It's your husbands problem if he's the only one who can smell it.

It could be that her washing machine needs a clean run at 90 degrees or it could be down to how she is drying her clothes.

I agree with @moltonSilver - could be the way clothes are drying.
Is your DH more sensitive to smells usually? I have to admit I can be weird about smells, my mother in law has room fragrances/candles in her sitting room and I really struggle to cope sometimes with the overpowering fragrance.

This is an interesting article I am not trying to scare you I promise! (hope I have linked this properly) news.nationalgeographic.com/2018/01/smell-sickness-parkinsons-disease-health-science/

My MIL has started getting smelly as she doesn't bathe often anymore, and she's in good health, good weight, totally with it etc.. she just feels the cold more now so doesn't like getting wet. She uses roll-ons but it doesn't work against weeks long BO and general muskiness. Most of the year she lives abroad with FIL who is the same so doesn't change her habits when she comes for visits.

And she's mid 60s

I'm surprised at the consensus. I'm not surprised at all you can't smell it precisely because she is your mum. You've grown up with her and always been around her so obviously you are neutral to it, BUT an outsider will. Its just like most people aren't aware of their own BO, or dog owners who claim their house doesn't smell. People with awful breath who are unaware of it. Its not always the case people close to you can't smell it though, but mostly its takes someone outside the family to point it out. Its a very difficult one but i'm leaning more towards believing she probably does have BO.

Could there be a damp issue where she stores her clothes?

Thank you all. Mandy yes, true. It's like being immune to the smell of our own house.
My mum is popping round shortly to drop something off so I'm going to try to have a smell.
Clothes are dried on an airer in their spare room (no tumble drier) and kept in fitted wardrobe so think unlikely but may absolutely be an issue.

I think it's very odd you don't smell it. Yes people can get used to smells but if you only see her 3x per week I'd doubt you wouldn't notice.

I would question whether it's her perfume that he can smell - I'm really sensitive to artificial smells and some people's perfume smells awful to me. I also hate air fresheners and lots of fabric softeners smell nasty to me.

Or something about the way clothes are being washed and dried could create a musty smell (not washing on a high enough temperature, machine needs cleaning, drying too much indoors, etc)

Also I agree that BO doesn't smell musty.

Maybe she needs to change her antiperspirant. Some work better than others and they do get used to you after a while.

Clothes washed at 40 and dried on an airer are a likely culprit. There's no heat there to kill off bacteria and it builds up in the machine and on the clothes. I bought dettol in wash for my Dad to solve this problem.