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Original poster

No head wear for a wedding?

56 replies

AsherDsNeverFading · 02/08/2018 14:29

I've never been to a wedding as an adult so I need a bit of help!

I've looked at wedding outfits and they all have some kind of hear gear like fascinators or hats. I don't want to buy one and I think I'd look a bit of a prick in one.

Is it alright to go to a wedding without some kind of head gear on?

I mean is it a massive etiquette fail? I've just learned about the no white rule Confused

OP posts:
Bumbers · 02/08/2018 16:39

I have never worn anything on my head for a wedding! At the (many) weddings in have been to, only a minority of women have. Definitely avoid wearing a white dress though!

AuntieStella · 02/08/2018 16:43

If the wedding is posh, most people would have a hat during daytime.

But it won't really matter if you don't. But I do think you should look as if you've made an effort. That however is not a synonym for wearing something marketed as wedding attire. Look for the 'best' version of the sort of clothes you like best.

Original poster
AsherDsNeverFading · 02/08/2018 16:44

Thanks @Bumbers

Seriously every picture I've seen has shown a woman with a fascinator. They look like bath scrunchies with some craft store feathers glues on to me Blush

Gotcha about the white dress.

It's a fucking minefield. I'll be back closer to the time I'm sure with a million 'Is this suitable' threads!

OP posts:
Original poster
AsherDsNeverFading · 02/08/2018 16:46

Thanks @AuntieStella

I don't think it's going to be that posh. They've got a band on the night rather than a DJ so I guess it's a bit posh but it's not super-posh.

I normally slob around in trackies and a hoody so I'd love to just go for the best version of that but I'm not sure that'd be appropriate unfortunately.

OP posts:
StellaHeyStella · 02/08/2018 16:56

In addition to pp advice not to wear white, don't wear black either as it'll signal that you don't approve of the match (unless it's an evening black tie/long gown/cocktail dress affair)
I've been to a few weddings in my time and hats have usually been worn by those closest to the bride and groom (mother of bride, aunts etc) but definitely not all the guests (even if they are posh themselves) it's a matter of choice.

BackforGood · 02/08/2018 17:23

I see quite a few weddings of people outside of my family and my friendship group (through Church), and all of them (as well as in my family and friends), and there has been a distinct change over the last 10 - 15 years, where fewer and fewer people wear headgear.
Aside from Mothers of the B&G, I'd say only about 1/4 - 1/3 of ladies tend to wear them, outside of "society weddings".

LockedOutOfMN · 02/08/2018 17:32

Fascinators are disgusting, without exception.

No need to wear a hat. If the wedding is in summer and involves being outdoors for a long time, you could consider a hat to stop yourself from getting too hot / sunburned.

happymummy12345 · 02/08/2018 17:36

My mum didn't wear anything to my wedding. She's not a head piece person at all, and we both knew that. She said from the start she didn't want to wear anything on her head and would we mind? We very much wanted everyone to feel comfortable so we said of course not.
I myself am not really a head wear person either so will most likely do the same when my children get married (though my son is nearly 3 so got a long long time before I'm worrying about that)

WitchDancer · 02/08/2018 17:44

The last few weddings I've been to, there were only a couple of people wearing facinators and none wearing hats. I don't think you'll look out of place if you didn't bother with one

OlennasWimple · 02/08/2018 17:47

Maybe they actually are shower puffs OP? Grin

Thunderblunder · 02/08/2018 17:48

My daughter's getting married soon and I'm definitely not wearing any thing on my head. DD was absolutely fine with it. She just wants me to be comfortable. She even supports me wearing trousers rather than a dress if I want to although I probably will get a dress.
I think the Groom's DM and SM are wearing things on their heads.

Clockwork95 · 02/08/2018 19:58

I went to a wedding recently and felt out of place wearing a fascinator. There were 7 other women on my table and I was the only person wearing one! A few other guests did but they were the minority.

EdWinchester · 02/08/2018 20:06

Fascinators are the naffest thing ever. Avoid at all costs.

No need to wear a hat.

We have just been to a pretty posh wedding in a cathedral. Everyone was very nicely dressed (morning suits for the men) and only one woman had a hat on!

Notevilstepmother · 02/08/2018 20:10

Don’t wear a bright red dress either, or the same colour as the bridesmaid.

Hardly anyone wears hats to wedding these days, I think it’s from the days where women would always wear head coverings in church, headscarves for normal services and hats for weddings and funerals.

Notevilstepmother · 02/08/2018 20:18

Monsoon have a sale on occasion wear at the moment, some bargains uk.monsoon.co.uk/uk/sale/occasionwear

pinkcardi · 02/08/2018 20:24

I'd take my cue from the invite. If it's a super formal engraved folded card type, and the men are in morning suits then yes, wear a hat, not a fascinator.

If it's more casual and men are wearing normal suits then I'd say no need to wear a hat.

ohnothanks · 02/08/2018 20:59

I find all this stuff very very weird. Why would you wear a shower puff and some feathers on your head? Follow the Hello Magazine norm? Just wear what you feel comfortable in! The point is not to be a peacock displaying your wares, nor dancing to some bridezilla/groomzilla tune, but to be a person witnessing and taking part in a lovely ceremony joining two people. Surely!

ohnothanks · 02/08/2018 21:01

Why would anyone wear a hat because the invite card was heavy and gilt-y?!?! Fucking weird!

pinkcardi · 02/08/2018 21:22

Ok, I'll bite. You don't wear a hat because the invitation is 'heavy' or traditions (and personally I've never seen a gilt invitation)

You wear a hat because you want to, and feel that it is appropriate to the style of wedding.

Given that the invitation is likely the first formal contact you'll have about a wedding, it will give you a clue as to what the bride and groom are planning if you don't already have that info.

So formal invite usually means formal wear, which can mean feel free to wear a hat, a number of other guests will likely be wearing one.

But obviously not everyone will, and you shouldn't if you don't feel comfortable or don't want to. No one will judge.

But I stand by hats being generally nice, and easier to wear, then fascinators.

pinkcardi · 02/08/2018 21:24

Agh, 'traditional' and 'nicer'....and now I'm off to have a Gin

evilharpy · 02/08/2018 22:21

Fascinators are godawful. Wear a hat if you want to, don't wear one if you don't want to. I never do.

eurochick · 03/08/2018 09:00

I've never worn headgear to a wedding - including my own! I've been to some fairly formal ones too.

MadMaryBoddington · 03/08/2018 09:41

I think fascinators and hats have gone out of fashion lately. Twenty years ago they were all the rage. They’ll probably come back in again in another decade or so.

NaiceHamble · 03/08/2018 11:10

I usually compromise with a nice updo with silk flowers pinned in it.

Personally I'd love it if hats came back in, but they're so expensive, awkward to transport and leave you with chronic hat hair once you take them off for the reception/evening. None of which was probably an issue in their heyday, when there were plenty of milliners and no one minded if you wore your 'wedding outfit' to every wedding, and the guests went home at tea time after a light wedding breakfast, without ever removing their headwear to do the Macarena.

Teaformeplz · 03/08/2018 11:30

Fascinators are to be worn for the wedding ceremony and can be taken off for the reception. It's quite normal to have one outfit for the ceremony, and another for the reception