Why do you think people are quite so judgemental?

[BiancaBowles]

I am a nice person. I'm often told I'm too nice. I get on with everyone. Do not get involved in bitchiness. I'm just... nice I guess!

Thing is, my thing is makeup. I love it! I don't overdo it but I do spend a lot of time on it. I wear eyelashes most days (not ridiculous huge ones), I spend a lot of time on my makeup before I go to work (my hair too) and I really enjoy doing it. I am happy with the way I look and have no issue with going to the shops with makeup on.

People recently have still felt the need to be nasty behind my back about 'how much time I must spend on my makeup', 'the money I must spend on eyeshadow' and how I must be 'insecure and have low self esteem'.

What's this about? Maybe I'm naive but it always baffles me how bloody judgemental people can be, of nice people who are nothing but kind to them. Why, in your opinion do people do it?

I know IABU to be bothered by it, but it does get to me.

They're dicks, it's that simple.

I have always had a lot of unwanted comments and found out I had a 'welcoming resting face' and people thought they could say horrible things to me. I started responding "Wow, that sounded so bitchy - I am sure you didn't mean it like that" and that shut them up. Also worked on a bitchy rest face - it's a great asset.

That's meant to say 'with no makeup on' btw!

@senioritabonita for the first time in my life I considered not doing something because the idea of being talked about bothered me.

Some people are just nasty of the sake of it (and probably jealous to boot). Don’t take any notice and keep doing what you enjoy and make sure you feel good.

I work in education and my boss once said to a student “oh music is our resident make up and beauty expert”. The student just looked me up and down and sneered “really?” Certainly put me in my place

‘Make sure you feel good’ was supposedly to be ‘and makes you feel good’. Sorry

I think women who take care of their appearance get a lot of negativity, even here on MN women who love make up often get a lot of bitchiness thrown there way. I personally think it shows their own insecurities and lack of self confident to be so made up

@BusterGonad I think some women do wear a lot of makeup because they are insecure, but this is not the case in the slightest for me. As I say, if I went to work tomorrow with no makeup on (as I have done before numerous times when I've had breakouts) it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I trained to be a makeup artist but there was no money in it. I genuinely just love doing makeup and can safely say that I do it extremely tastefully and well.

It's funny also that outside of work I've had people tell me how fab my makeup looks and I do my friends' makeup for their weddings and special occasions. Outside of work it's seen as a talent but for some reason my colleagues see it as a bad thing.

I'd take it as a compliment, you must look pretty great for them to take the trouble to try and bring you down.

False eyelashes every day is not the norm for people in my everyday life so I would notice and wonder why you were making such an effort, but I wouldn't judge you as a person negatively for it.

@Bugjune thank you! You're right it's not the norm, but that's why I like it. It's fun to stand out and whilst I'm actually quite a shy person my makeup is a form of expressing myself. I love it!

I find most people don't care if you are fully made up or wear no makeup.

@Mercurial123 I haven't found that to be the case considering some of the conversations that have been had about me. It's horrid to hear about and am almost angry at the person who relayed it back to me in an attempt to 'be nice' - part of me would rather not know!

I wear quite a lot of make up too, not false lashes or anything, but red lips and mascara, blush, powdered eyebrows. I'm amongst a bunch of women who tbh haven't a clue and I think they think I'm ott with it, but I don't care, and I also wear it for me not to hide myself or gain confidence.

Bianca most people I work with or friends really don't care. We have more important things to be concerned about. It takes me five mins to put my make up on but I'm lazy. It would be boring if we were all the same.

@Mercurial123 I couldn't care less either! Live and let live I say.

I’d never say anything to someone’s face but I would be baffled that anyone would wear fake lashes everyday, it just seems so so OTT for work. It might make you feel better to think they are jealous or insecure, but unless they also wear a fair bit of makeup I don’t believe that is the case in most situations. I think often someone wearing a lot of makeup is interpreted as being superficial and shallow for caring so much about their appearance and putting forward an exaggerated feminine/sexualised appearance, and they are judging you for it, and may think that you regard them as slobs for not making as much effort as you do with your appearance and feel defensive. It isn’t nice to make comments but everyone is entitled to their opinion, if you enjoy it just ignore them.

I love make up too, putting it on, trying new products, it's just fun and something I really enjoy doing for myself, had a lot of bitchiness from other mums, especially when my son was a baby and toddler, would literally get filthy looks if I went to a playgroup or something with him, also comments about people who wear make up all the time, who has the time etc. Just because your a mum doesn't mean you can't look good or be yourself.

I'm quite opiniated about things that matter what someone decides to put on their face or not is entirely up to them. If you feel good it's nobody else's business.

And on that note I've just ordered another lipstick! 💄😳

It's horrid to hear about and am almost angry at the person who relayed it back to me in an attempt to 'be nice' - part of me would rather not know!

I would definitely be just as at the person who relayed the bitchiness as I would be at the person who was bitching. Some people just love to be part of a drama by "letting you know" when someone is criticising you. It's actually a way for them to criticise you by proxy. My late MIL was an expert at this, and I have a 'frenemy' who only ever seems to get in touch with me when there's something that she "feels I should know about".

You sound totally confident in yourself and your own choices, so I would take an opportunity to tell the 'friend' who relayed the bitchiness, "You know, I was thinking about what you said Sheila said the other day. Honestly, I really enjoy doing my makeup, it's a creative outlet for me, and I like looking polished. I don't feel like it's really any of her business what I spend my time or money on, so if she or anyone else has something to say about it behind my back, I don't think I need to hear it, okay? It just causes unnecessary friction."

That will get the message through to her that a) you don't care and b) she should mind her own business too.

Touch wood I’ve never worked with someone like that, my colleagues have ranged from no make up to lots of make up - & everything in between. Personally I don’t care what people think of me as I get older, do what makes you happy !

Also meant to add all hairstyles too, piercings etc. Each to their own. Personally if I knew that my lippy for example wound someone up I’d just wear it more 😆

I think it’s great when people make the effort and wear makeup.
I think some women resent those who wear makeup as they almost feel that it makes them look bad for not making an effort with their appearance
Others are not interested in what others wear
As for the false eyelashes, the OP pointed out that they were not the thick over the top lashes .

Old person comment alert! The older I have become, the more convinced I am that we create ourselves and our public personality through the visual image that we create of ourselves.

I am (probably compared to you) old. I am 62, but I still create my face, every day, designing the picture of myself that I think is going to work for my day (it's not yours, so no judgement needed). Sometimes it's light and sheer, and sometimes there's some artful concealment, or even a bit of artifice). If it helps me feel good ( better about my turkey neck and wrinkles I have both) and doesn't affect you, or your vision of yourself, why should it bother anyone else? I don't do it for you; it's for me, and it's one of the ways I remain true to myself. If anything, I wish I had learned more about make up younger, but then I needed very little help.

Thanks all. You're all ace!

@OCSock I'm only 27 but find a lot of my close friends are closer to your age. We aren't all so different from one another. What an eloquently written post! Thanks