Why do you think people are quite so judgemental?

[BiancaBowles]

I am a nice person. I'm often told I'm too nice. I get on with everyone. Do not get involved in bitchiness. I'm just... nice I guess!

Thing is, my thing is makeup. I love it! I don't overdo it but I do spend a lot of time on it. I wear eyelashes most days (not ridiculous huge ones), I spend a lot of time on my makeup before I go to work (my hair too) and I really enjoy doing it. I am happy with the way I look and have no issue with going to the shops with makeup on.

People recently have still felt the need to be nasty behind my back about 'how much time I must spend on my makeup', 'the money I must spend on eyeshadow' and how I must be 'insecure and have low self esteem'.

What's this about? Maybe I'm naive but it always baffles me how bloody judgemental people can be, of nice people who are nothing but kind to them. Why, in your opinion do people do it?

I know IABU to be bothered by it, but it does get to me.

Do people really even notice this stuff, beyond a superficial few seconds?

The only time I ever notice is when someone who normally wears make up doesn’t, or the other way round, just because they look different.

Do whatever makes you happy, OP

Heaven help the close mates who fail to tell me I need an eye test though!

Totally agree with you OP.

I find myself toning down my make up and clothes in my current job as I know people are judgemental : people assume you can't do a job well if you're groomed I think!

I personally love seeing people with makeup on and dressed well but for some reason many people find it a threat.

Make up - do what you want. If it’s “any” consolation, I don’t think ANY woman gets to a certain age without having their appearance bitched about in some context.

I agree with pp - who is this “friend” who is relaying all these “conversations” to you?

It seems somewhat passive aggressive - she’s telling you something negative and designed to make you feel awkward whilst having no recourse to do anything about it. I wonder if she’s controlling/shit stirring and likes to create a bit of drama?

I’d watch my step with her from now on

I like wearing make up too.
It is fairly incongruous with my working environment
I am pretty sure I am the only person wearing eyeliner in my dept. Perhaps it is just that that it doesn’t ‘fit’ with others you work with?

Also, I dont know if you’re single, but there are (some) women who are very competitive when it comes to male attention

but they also are very sly about not admitting it and will simply seek to try to manipulate and “shame” women they think potentially might attract more male attention than them.

I once worked in a place where I was apparently considered “hot stuff” ( not any more )

One woman my age latched onto me and “as a friend” told me “X manager is married and doesn’t like you, others have said you’re too smiley and open. ” etc etc (when X manager was actually single and his crush on me was a bit of a widely known thing! )

I was a student and didn’t want to date colleagues, but be wary of this dynamic.

Looking back, my “friend” was simple jealous and controlling - it wasn’t a protective/feminist thing - she herself was desperate for male attention.

I am a feminist and try to be “liberal and nice to other women” as a starting point, but as I’ve got older I’ve learned other women often don’t have your best interests at heart.

I hate when people try and say those who wear make up are 'making an effort' as though those who don't are just lazy slobs who don't care about themselves. Just as judgemental as those you complain about tbh

I also think it's the old competing for male attention thing. I find that all women, single or not, will vie for attention, and you won't be the only one on the receiving end for this treatment, they will do it to everyone, even those they appear to be friends with or in cahoots with. I get this quite a lot, and can always spot it now that I'm in my 40s. Just ignore it OP, try to remember that it's your face and body, no-one needs to be happy with how you look apart from you. Just step aside from it.