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Original poster

How to love (or at least accept) the body you have

30 replies

Misty9 · 01/06/2018 10:29

I really struggle to feel good in what I wear and I think one of the issues might be that I'm trying to look like something my body just isn't (and possibly never was).

I'm tall but with a big mum tum, big thighs and bottom and tiny saggy boobs. I'm not overweight but I think I keep hoping I'll look more streamlined in what I wear than is possible!

So, how do you love, or at least accept, the body you have? I need to - and having a daughter I also feel strongly about the importance of what messages I'm giving her.

OP posts:
PhyllisWig · 01/06/2018 12:24

Difficult. I was quite overweight for years (4/5 stone) but actually felt more body confident then than I do now at a size 12. I was rounder and less saggy with decent tits!

I have a difficult figure to dress (short, curvy hourglass but with a mum tum), am not innately stylish and have a few comfort/sensory issues. I like to look nice but never get it right.

Hard one and interested to see what others think.

YouWereRight · 01/06/2018 12:33

For me, it was starting to do a bit of exercise. Seeing that I'm actually capable of climbing a mountain, or bike rides with the dc, allows me to appreciate that it doesn't really matter if I'm a bit wobbly or not insta ready.

Also, find the bits you do like and try to spend more time appreciating those than pondering the bits you're less keen on.

CountFosco · 01/06/2018 13:08

So you are tall and slim (BMI below 25?) with a small waist? Sounds alright to me.

Get a great bra to make to most of your boobs, dress to show off your waist, don't worry about your tum and like a PP said, do lots of exercise because having a strong body makes you feel great.

thedevilinablackdress · 01/06/2018 13:38

It really is just that. Acceptance. That IS the body you've got. Yes, you can lose weight, tone up etc. but you'll (I'll) still be the same basic shape (usually).
Wear nice things that suit YOU. Not other people (no pencil skirts for this pear).
Yoga worked for me; helped me appreciate my body more.

TheLongRider · 01/06/2018 13:41

I was never going to be a 5'10" supermodel with long thick blonde hair so I accept and am very proud of what my body can do and has done.

I too am a pear, with 23" thighs and a 28" waist. I dress for my best bits, I have nice collar bones and boat necked tops balance me out. Fit and flare dresses look fabulous on me and belts are my friend. I emphasise my waist. A line skirts are good to knee level. A good supportive bra really helps to give me shape.

By proud of your body that it's got you to where you are today.

Peanutbuttercups21 · 01/06/2018 13:45

Exercise... something you like

Not sure it changes your shape all that much, but it makes you love your body for what it can DO rather than how it looks

You then look upon your body more kindly and forgivingly.

Original poster
Misty9 · 01/06/2018 14:09

I forgot to say, I do exercise (running) and get a buzz out of it. I need to do more Pilates as have chronic back pain.

Yes, emphasising the bits I like is a good idea. I have a decent waist - but struggle to find anything to fit and show.it off. Dresses are tricky as I'm different sizes on top and bottom, and I find the quality of clothes these days is just not great. I seem to be in between sizes with everything! This is a particular issue with bras...

Interesting you mention sensory issues phyllis as I definitely have these too - I hate clothes which are too constricting (bras...!) and the feel of material is very important to me too. I'm a nightmare! No wonder my mother took me clothes shopping at 14yo and declared never again! Confused

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PhyllisWig · 01/06/2018 15:42

It's legs for me - really struggle with anything hot or heavy or constricting on them so hate jeans, tights etc. Dd2 is similar but she's 8 so can get away with it more ;)

YouWereRight · 01/06/2018 17:14

I started to make my clothes, or alter the ones I have to fit me better. Though granted this isn't for everyone.

Can you belt tops or dresses to cinch them?

CountFosco · 01/06/2018 21:30

It doesn't cost much to get trousers altered to fit a small waist. Buy to fit your hips neatly then get them altered to fit at the waist. Then tuck in tops. Dresses I think only work for hourglasses although they are very popular here. Separates are your friend to get a good fit. I always think slim pears look quite cool whereas as an hourglass I have to fight against looking sexy when I don't want to.

Original poster
Misty9 · 02/06/2018 07:21

I'd love to look sexy - but I take your point. Good idea to alter trousers...i don't really have any currently so will do a jeans hunt soon.

I started trying to make my own clothes but I definitely don't have a flair for it shall we say! According to all guides for pears, I should wear bootcut jeans. But finding them in longer length is a mission as they're not the current fashion it seems.

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Swimminguphill · 02/06/2018 08:05

I agree with the exercising thing. My goal when I started exercising was to be able to do 20 full press ups. After 2.5 years I can do that now, it feels amazing! But also my mum had loads of health issues that restricted her mobility around the tie I had my kids. It really made me appreciate that my body has s purpose, which is to carry me around and help me achieve what I want in life (even make a cup of tea, go to the loo by myself etc). It won’t always do that, or not necessarily. So that helped shift my perspective a bit.

Finally, I started thinking about clothes as something I could use to make me feel/look good. Sounds basic probably most people realise that before the age of 35! But before I had always either thought then were necessary/utilitarian or just went for the shiny pretty things. I have since realised that big patterns and bright colours don’t really suit me and I’m better off with plain colours and clean lines. I found out lots from various bloggers recommended by this site (thanks mumsnet!) and sort of found my own way. Esther Coren (onthespike.com) has a post up about personal shoppers. They sound expensive but maybe something worth considering if you have the money. Clothes can/should make you feel amazing, not shit!

thedevilinablackdress · 02/06/2018 08:07

Some of that body shape dressing stuff I agree with e.g. something wide/large on top to balance pear bottom. But I'm convinced that bootcuts just emphasise the curve at my thighs - giving me 'hourglass' legs iyswim

endthefarts · 02/06/2018 08:10

I’m a curvy hourglass with big boobs, fat arms and big shoulders. I accepted years ago that 90% of clothes look appalling on me but that the remaining 10% make me look great. I just avoid all the stuff that looks awful and stick with what I know suits my body and that leads to a lot less inner meltdowns about how awful I look.

CountFosco · 02/06/2018 08:15

According to all guides for pears, I should wear bootcut jeans

The cropped widelegged will look good on you as well because you can wear a neat-fitting top to show off your waist.

I'm increasingly relaxed about my Mum tum, I think hourglasses and pears probably have really nothing to worry about WRT their tum. I'm not planning on wearing low slung jeans and a crop top any time soon (although I'm tempted to wander around the house in just my shorts and bra today thanks to the humidity) but I see no point in wearing baggy tops etc because I don't have a washboard stomach, I'm tucking tops into my jeans all the time and no-one seems to faint at my slightly rounded tummy.

Bubblysqueak · 02/06/2018 08:18

reading the book, How to look good naked by Gok Wan really helped me. it went through all of the different body types and explained what type of clothes suit different shapes and how to put outfits together.

Original poster
Misty9 · 02/06/2018 10:01

I've got gok's book on how to dress so will check the naked one out too.

Wrt the mum tum, I get asked if I'm pregnant...so it really sticks out Sad I'm going to check out mutu and try to get my muscles closer back together and running definitely helps. But I really struggle with tops as empire line make me look 6 months gone and anything fitted emphasises it. But boxy stuff looks shapeless and awful too! I think shirts and blouses might be the way to go... I hate shopping lately as I can spend hours and come away with nothing.

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Brillenbar · 02/06/2018 10:14

Ultimately though I think you need to change your relationship with your body. We are all constantly badgered to focus on looks. But your body does so much for you that is amazing - from being not unwell to producing and sustaining children making a cup of te or standing on your hands

I felt so so much better when I realised that. Yoga is also my exercise of choice and it is very much geared to appreciating the body you have and working with what you have so it is for me an excellent fit. I am also a mother of daughters and do not want to pass on the body dysmorphia I have suffered with all my adult life. I have been anorexic since puberty and although I am well at the moment like alcoholism I don't think you ever recover.

Having said all of that spending a bit of time with a decent non pressurising stylist in a shop you like, a decent hair cut and foundation garments etc will do absolutely no harm

ThisFireWillBurn · 02/06/2018 11:40

I’ve found getting my colours done and spending more money on my hair has really helped

Peanutbuttercups21 · 02/06/2018 12:36

Phyllis, wear shorts!

Hush do great grown up shorts (£££ but worth it imo)

Am flashing my varicose veins happily to the world Grin cannot abide not trousers on a warm day

Delamereroad · 02/06/2018 12:48

If your body is working properly and you are in good health just get over yourself.

Buy clothes you like and make you feel good -money doesn't come into it as ebay preloved and supermarkets open fashion to everyone.

As long as you are clean ,smell fresh and smile trust me no one is actually aware of any of your bits....

That body is working and you are living - not agonising over your big thighs hopefully...

BusterGonad · 02/06/2018 13:49

I'm most at peace with my body when I dress in clothes that FIT me, this may sound simple but the number of dresses that pinched my arm pits as the boob area was too small is unreal, I sold everything that didn't fit comfortably (over boobs) and replaced with dresses with stretch so I no longer have to put up with rubbing. When I'm dressed comfortably in well fitting clothes with my favorite lipstick on (Marc Jacobs) I can feel amazing! It doesn't always work but if I make the effort I feel so much better.

Original poster
Misty9 · 02/06/2018 15:15

Buy clothes you like and make you feel good

Easier said than done ime

OP posts:
rightknockered · 02/06/2018 15:18

I think it would help to just try on something you never would normally consider. Take a friend with you to choose for you to try on. A lot of people have success with booking personal shoppers are John Lewis

Gwenhwyfar · 02/06/2018 15:50

"That body is working and you are living - not agonising over your big thighs hopefully..."

Is that advice for 90 year olds? Don't try to look nice, just be grateful you're still alive. This is the Style & Beauty topic!