Primark Body Shaming

[TheMumInsider]

😡😡😡😡 PRIMARK COMPLAINT 😡😡😡😡

On Thursday 17th May, I visited Primark to purchase some new clothes after giving birth to my first baby. I chose some different sizes of tops & jeans to try on to find my current size (whilst I work on trying to get back as best I can to my previous size 10!)

After receiving a curious look from the lady at the changing room desk, I explained myself & she said ‘that’s what happens when you have a baby’ & that I shouldn’t ever expect to fit in my normal clothes again.

I was offended by her comment as I have always worked hard to stay slim & have found it very difficult coping with my increased body size, suffering with postnatal depression following the birth. Her remark caused me to break down into tears in the cubicle before I even tried the clothes on. After realising none of them hid any of my residing ‘mum-tum’, I returned them to the woman on my way to exiting the changing rooms & explained they were too small. Her response: ‘Well, what did you expect?!’. I expected not to be spoken to like that. Who is she to make a comment on my expectations of my body after giving birth? I have been left back at square one, feeling unable to leave the house for lack of suitable sized clothes.

After seeing posts on the Primark media pages about body confidence & plus sized girls, it made me feel like I could visit the shop without being judged or made to feel completely disgusting about myself but I was left feeling just that. It seems ironic that she should pass comments like this during mental health awareness week. What should have been a morning spent enjoying purchasing some new clothes to restore some lost confidence in myself has completely shattered what confidence I had left.

I have contacted Primark who have since offered me a £20 e-gift card as a means of dismissing my complaint (which I found insulting & didn’t accept) & explained that I also want an apology from the woman & an action plan to stop this happening to anyone else. I want to make sure that nobody else is left crying in a changing room, embarrassed about how they look & to raise awareness of just how much someone’s comments can hurt. I dread to think what might have happened if she’d said this to someone in an even more fragile state of mind.

This is very much about your own mental health, not about the primark sales person.

Op ignore those people calling you a loon etc. I agree that you were over reacting but I had pnd too and I remember how it made me behave in ways that I now see as strange but at the time I couldn’t get my responses or reactions to people right. I remember being at a baby group and simply not being able to remember how to chat to people, I felt awkward about everythinf and everyone and didn’t know how to take people. I saw my gp and got some help. Do you have anyone to talk to about your pnd or are you already getting help? X

ANd seriously posters, this lady says she has pnd. Why are you all mocking her?????

Your the one who's got the problem. Sounds like she was being chatty and because of your insecurities you may have got her in trouble.

Putting aside any comments from the staff, Primark is the worst shop on the planet HANDS DOWN for vanity sizing and incorrect sizing.

I picked up 2 pairs of shorts earlier in the week, same size according to the label but there was visibly a 2" difference on the waistband.

DH couldn't understand why I insisted he go try on the armful of holiday clothing he'd picked up announcing "it's my size it'll fit". Oh how I laughed.

I doubt op will be back.

Just.in case though, I hope you've found a few items of clothing that you feel comfortable in; clothes shopping at 9 weeks pp is not for the faint of heart! I suggest tunics and leggings, or swing tips and harem trousers, something soft and comfortable like that. Stay away from jeans and shirts for sure.

I think she was trying to be nice.

If you make conversation about a personal matter don’t be suprised or complain when someone engages in that conversation. If you hadn’t said anything to her and she had made personal comments about your body shape that would be differerent but you initiated it. 9 weeks after is very early so really try not to worry about it, I’m sure you will get back there. I hope you’re getting support for your postnatal depression.

I dread to think what might have happened if she’d said this to someone in an even more fragile state of mind.

They might have hounded Primark to try to force the woman to make a personal apology on her knees.

I do think all those ridiculous photos of celebs, with apparently washboard-flat stomachs two weeks after giving birth, do women no favours. It's unrealistic, and probably photoshopped.

I’m not sure why you felt you needed to explain to her which sizes you were taking in and why in the first place. Unless she was a size 10 or smaller she might have thought it was a bit off too to be honest. You were obviously feeling shame about not taking size 10 to the changing rooms, feeling like you had to have a valid reason for it. Also I’m not sure conflating your pnd with your body size is a good idea. You don’t have pnd because you put on weight in pregnancy, otherwise literally every woman would have it, it’s serious mental illness with lots of different facets that rightly deserves attention. That is what mental health awareness week is about. You may feel down about your body, that’s totally normal. Despite what people tell you some people will be exactly the same post birth. And most women I know have at least managed to fit back into their old wardrobe, even if there are stretchmarks etc. Some quickly and some after a bit more time. I was a size 10 previously (put on 3 stone) and returned to my pre pregnancy figure with very little effort other than some portion control (and I guess b/feeding probably helped too). I just got some stretch waist jeggings to tide me over and carried on wearing my maternity/feeding tops until I was ready to fit back in my old clothes. I found this a lot easier to deal with than trying to buy new stuff in a size I wasn’t happy with, as it’s bound to make you feel a bit crap.

I'm not sure if you are still reading the posts TheMumInsider because I think that you need support not criticism ATM. I get how shopping can be enjoyable and therapeutic but the customer service that you feel was rude has ruined that. I've had rude customer service that has made me feel upset. Sometimes I try to remind them what good customer service is and if they get offended I say 'well I don't work for you' then I take my business elsewhere. Sometimes it helps to put things in perspective by looking at reviews for the shop and looking at the one star reviews first. When/if you see others who have reported negative customer service experience than you can shrug it off and not take it personally. I've seen so many negative customer service reviews that I think it's becoming rather common and I really don't think big companies care that much. People are still buying stuff and they are still making a profit. Do something nice for yourself and hopefully this time someone won't ruin it for you. It's an emotional and exhausting time in the first 3 months but it does get easier. And remember your body did an amazing thing growing a human then giving birth, it's allowed to have time to recover. Be kind and gentle to yourself. Oh, how's this for rude; some old guy with his wife who stopped me to look at my baby in the pram, pointed at a slim faceless manikin wearing a dress and said you're never going to look like that again. There was a male manikin in men's clothes so I pointed at it and said yeah and you're never going to look like that again either. His wife smiled at that. Then I added (coz he was a rude old prick) I'm young and active and I don't ever want to look like this plastic thing. I smiled and walked away. Some people are rude on purpose and some people have no idea. But that's not yours or my problem.

After receiving a curious look from the lady at the changing room desk

For picking up different sizes? In Primark? Really, OP, that's your state of mind talking. Which is sad for you, but you'll find people very quickly lose sympathy if you start trying to incur consequences for other people for your own problems. You need to speak to a doctor, not expect random retail staff to navigate your fragility.

I can see why you are upset, OP, but it would be better to try to move on now that Primark have acknowledged your complaint and compensated you. Dwelling on it by pursuing the complaint further is only going to make you feel worse and I doubt the store would offer anything more. Draw a line under it.

SakuraBlossom that's such a beautiful post and great suggestions.

You are seriously over reacting. What do you want to happen? Do you want the woman to be publicly flogged and then sacked?

The woman is right - your body is unlikely to be exactly the same again. She hasn’t don’t anything wrong and she certainly didn’t body shame you. She didn’t judge you at all either.

Your issues with your changed body are yours alone and you can work on that. Focus on what you are going to do to change it if that is what you want to do. However, remind yourself that it’s grown a baby so might not go back exactly as it was - that’s fine though as it’s done something pretty amazing!

Hopefully she will be whipped as she hobbles down the street on her knees in front of a baying crowd

Clothes size is just a number, Primark is cheap badly cut crap.

Go to M&S, get some high waisted jeans and let them suck it all in for you.

hope you're ok op

can non of you remember the early baby days? why not try to be a bit nicer to someone with pnd. some of the responses are disgusting

can non of you remember the early baby days?

I'm sure lots of people on here can. I'm sure lots of us can also remember, or are currently spending, our days in stressful badly paid jobs in the retail/service industries, being treated like punchbags by members of the public.

'can non of you remember the early baby days? '

Yes barely left the house for months let alone went shopping for jeans. Couldn't find the enthusiasm to even do up a dressing gown or eat, let alone demand apologies and monetary compensation and action from chatty changing room assistants.

The assistant was rude. And the dark early sleep deprived days of having a baby and not being able to recognise the person you see in the mirror is awful.
Give yourself a pat on the back for being out of the house at all.
We've all overreacted with newborns. I remember the postman putting the post through our door too loudly and woke my baby just as if got her off. I opened the door and gave him a blasting. The poor man. It wasn't until I'd let off steam that I realised my hair resembled haystack, I had jam on my face and my massive blue gained boob was hanging out.
Be kind to yourself. Its been 9 weeks. It took 9 MONTHS to grow your baby. You will get your body back but it takes time.

Your body won’t be the same again, fact. You may eat to your original size but it won’t be the same. She made a lighthearted comment possibly trying to make you feel better and you’ve acted like a tit. Grow up a bit, you’ve had a baby who is still very young why are you going shopping so soon? Wait until you are able to get back into excericing etc and work on your body before buying clothes. Your issues are your own and no one else’s, unless you sat down and gave her your entire mental health history how was she meant to know what to say? If she didn’t say anything you would have taken that wrong and all. People get offended over everything these days. Soon no one will be able to say a thing so as not to cause offence.

Honestly I think she was trying to be kind, only you know whether the baby weight was actual baby related or because you used the pregnancy to indulge every tiny food related whim!

@MarthasGinYard it's not a competition