Primark Body Shaming

[TheMumInsider]

😡😡😡😡 PRIMARK COMPLAINT 😡😡😡😡

On Thursday 17th May, I visited Primark to purchase some new clothes after giving birth to my first baby. I chose some different sizes of tops & jeans to try on to find my current size (whilst I work on trying to get back as best I can to my previous size 10!)

After receiving a curious look from the lady at the changing room desk, I explained myself & she said ‘that’s what happens when you have a baby’ & that I shouldn’t ever expect to fit in my normal clothes again.

I was offended by her comment as I have always worked hard to stay slim & have found it very difficult coping with my increased body size, suffering with postnatal depression following the birth. Her remark caused me to break down into tears in the cubicle before I even tried the clothes on. After realising none of them hid any of my residing ‘mum-tum’, I returned them to the woman on my way to exiting the changing rooms & explained they were too small. Her response: ‘Well, what did you expect?!’. I expected not to be spoken to like that. Who is she to make a comment on my expectations of my body after giving birth? I have been left back at square one, feeling unable to leave the house for lack of suitable sized clothes.

After seeing posts on the Primark media pages about body confidence & plus sized girls, it made me feel like I could visit the shop without being judged or made to feel completely disgusting about myself but I was left feeling just that. It seems ironic that she should pass comments like this during mental health awareness week. What should have been a morning spent enjoying purchasing some new clothes to restore some lost confidence in myself has completely shattered what confidence I had left.

I have contacted Primark who have since offered me a £20 e-gift card as a means of dismissing my complaint (which I found insulting & didn’t accept) & explained that I also want an apology from the woman & an action plan to stop this happening to anyone else. I want to make sure that nobody else is left crying in a changing room, embarrassed about how they look & to raise awareness of just how much someone’s comments can hurt. I dread to think what might have happened if she’d said this to someone in an even more fragile state of mind.

You felt the need to "explain yourself" after a curious look (whatever that is in this context!)

That's odd.

If a sales assistant gives "a look" to someone bringing various sizes to the changing room, she's probably thinking about the amount of work needed to tidy up as it is clear you won't buy everything.
Yes, she is paid for that - but it's still boring.

So you're making it your mission to humiliate the sales assistant and potentially get her sacked because you haven't been able to lose a few pounds of baby weight?

Just out of interest, what value e-gift card were you holding out for?

You started it, you bloody loon . “After a curious look, I explained myself”. Why did you feel she needed any explanation for you trying on clothes in a changing room (just like all those around you were doing), and what on earth is a curious look anyway? Is it like this? 👀

I think you are tired...gently, move on. She was making chit chat. I’ll judged but not actually intended to hurt you.

YABVU and utterly ridiculous, OP. You should be grateful to even get the £20 gift card (though you’re right: it was a means of dismissing your complaint because your complaint was ludicrous).

You need to grow up and get a grip. You won’t get an apology out of that assistant and for the very good reason that she has nothing to apologise for.

If you have issues about not being able to lose your baby weight, those are your issues that you need to deal with, either by exercising and maintaining a healthy diet or accepting your size. You do not take it out on others because you’re embarrassed about your body.

It sounds like your weight is a sore point. You didn't need to go into detail with the assistant, sounds like she was just trying to sympathise but it came out clumsily.

Please don't put too much pressure on yourself to get into your size 10s, your body does change after pregnancy and it all needs time to fall back into place.

I think it was a bit insensitive but most women don't get their figure back, if ever. Please don't let a random stranger upset you plus the sizing in primary is all over the place.

When you read this, do you realise how unsupportive 90% of you sound? Absolutely ridiculous the lot of you.

Sorry but some of these responses are absolutely appalling. Loads of us are hyper sensitive after having babies and did you happen to miss the paper where OP said she was suffering from PND? Yet it's somehow acceptable to refer to her as a loon??? Disgusting.

Do you have a kind and supportive friend to take with you somewhere else to shop? I agree you may be projecting and sound like you are being overly harsh towards yourself.

It’s very early days and expecting to look like you did before giving birth is maybe not realistic right now. Definitely harems/leggings and easy fitting tops or jersey dresses for now. If not that something similar that makes you feel good.

Congratulations on your baby

There was no need for her to make a personal comment.

If you wore religious clothing, would she had said the same? Probably not. It's rude to make comments of any personal/sensitive nature.

You have overreacted

If she had said nothing the clothes would have not fitted so your version of how the trip would have gone without her comment is incorrect.

Exactly Cognitive. The sales assistant shouldn't be making personal remarks about the body shape of a customer, and they certainly shouldn't be surprised by someone trying loads of sizes on in Primark as their sizes are all over the fucking show.

Take the £20 voucher and use it. Even if you don’t use it now, use it when you’re feeling a bit better about yourself.

Don’t beat yourself up about your body. Not only is Primark sizing totally shite, and some size 14 items resemble 10’s and vice versa, but your body has done something truly amazing over the course of 9 months, and it may take time to go back to its’ former self.

Are you breastfeeding? If so, it really helps your uterus shrink faster, and burns so many calories (just make sure you keep a jug or flask of water & a glass beside you when you feed and drink, otherwise your brain will tell you that your hungry and you’ll eat!).

The above, and getting out and having a walk as often as possible helped me after the birth of both of my DC to actually go a dress size lower than I’d been at the time of conception - each time within 6 weeks of the births. I was overweight though at conception (both times), so this may be why I’ve lost more weight both times. My stomach has remained baggy since my first baby though, and is covered in stretch marks. It is normal to be left with some kind of ‘mark’ of childbearing and childbirth.

Every woman is different.

Forget the woman in Primark. I agree with other posters that she was actually trying to be supportive.

I hope your ok op. I feel you mat be projecting a bit but I am also very sensitive about my size and always have been. (I put on weight really easily). I find that any comment gets blown out of proportion in my head and I really have to try to take the emotion out of it to look at what was said in a sensible light. Like when my teenage dd dragged me into one of those independent shops that sell cheap clothes the sales assistant looked at me (size 14) and said "nothing will fit you in here love!" Needless to say I had a crying in the loo moment after that but I don't blame the shop for it and she was probably thinking she was saving me time but my god it hurt and that comment still upsets me but that's my problem.

You started chatting to her, and she chatted back.

She may not have said the most sensitive of things, but you wanting an appology from her is a bit ridiculous.

I highly doubt the sales assistance looked at you funny, unless the outfit you arrived in was somehow worthy of a ‘look’ the comment doesn’t sound as if it was shaming- it’s something a lot of women say/feel and I really believe that due to your PND you’ve blown this interaction utterly out of proportion. Are you getting enough help to deal with this?

Are you normally so professionally offended or are you worse at the moment?

And you can take that any way you like I won't be sending you a voucher

I do sympathise with you OP, but I honestly don't believe Primark was the best place to go when you're feeling fragile about your appearance. I have to take three different sizes into the changing room there at the best of times. If you need cheap clothes when you're between sizes, Asda are better for the price.

I understand that you are upset, but I don't really think taking this complaint further will achieve anything. If you are currently struggling, then perhaps focus your energy on what you can do to help make yourself feel better. You can't force other people to change their attitudes but you can control how it affects you.

I think you’re going about this all the wrong way. Your starting point should be wondering why you are so upset at not shrinking back to shape at only 2 months post partum. This is your hang up, not hers and this is what you need to talk about. It’s part of your pnd for sure. She was most likely offering a sympathetic ear, which you misconstrued because of the way you’re feeling.

@Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar

I hate this bloody shaming bollocks.

^^ this

Next time just bring the clothes in and don't expect some poor woman, who's sat there all day, to carry on an encouraging conversation with you. Nobody but you gives a shit about your weight or your stomach after having a baby, she's probably on auto-pilot thinking about what she'll cook for the dinner and whether she can afford to pay her rent.

I hear what you are saying OP. I was always very slim, fit and toned and sometimes it can be a shock to have a wobbly tummy left after your baby is born and have weight to lose.

Why not set yourself some goals. For example, say by 6-months or 9-months I want to be back to my original size and then if you can/ if you are allowed, start doing small things to work towards this goal.

I remember all too well those days when if you shower that's a good thing. I used to go a week with our washing my hair as it takes an hour. If it is too early to buy new clothes as you are bigger than you want, why not concentrate on other things. Ignore the clothes and keep it simple. Get your hair done. Get a pedicure and manicure, get some new makeup and/or a bag. Do things and buy things that are not size dependent.

Do something nice for yourself every day and before you know it you will wake up one morning and look in the mirror and find that all those mini things you have done turn into a super polished hot mummy.

Good luck OP.