My hair is the BANE of my life

[macnab]

I have ridiculously thick hair. I know people say they have really thick hair, but then they are able to put it up or go to the gym and wash it afterwards (without it taking over an hour) so clearly they don't have hair as shit as mine.

I'm mid 40s, have had children etc and it just hasn't gotten any thinner so I think I'm stuck with it. It really does control my life. The only style (if I can call it that) I can wear it is just past my shoulders otherwise it puffs out and I look like someone from Dynasty. With layers I end up with a bad 90s "Rachel" look. I have to straighten it otherwise I look like Tina Turner - none of these looks are what I'm after It has a real curl/frizz to it, but I can't put product in and leave it to dry naturally because there's so bloody much of it, it would still be wet 10 hours later. I work full time in a professional environment so I want to look good and right now the only way I can do that is to wear it straight. This means that things like doing a workout or going for a swim has to have an hour and half added onto it. Even when I do go through the palaver of washing/drying/straightening it still doesn't look ok until the next day - there's absolutely no way I could do that and go out that night for example, I'd always have to do my hair the day before any event.

Sorry this is so long (and I know it's not important in the great scheme of things and other people have real problems to deal with) but it just gets me so down and I've yet to meet a hairdresser who knows how to handle my hair. In fact most of them have a go and then realise just how thick it is and want to run a mile. Is there anyone else who genuinely has hair as thick as mine and has been able to get it to look good without having to devote so much time and mental energy to it??

Sorry I meant to add, the plus side is that I can go a week between washes but only if I don't do anything like working out or getting it wet so while that helps, it's not exactly practical. I also can't wear it up as there's simply too much of it to work with.

I knew from your thread title that you would be a curly haired person

'I can't put product in and leave it to dry naturally because there's so bloody much of it, it would still be wet 10 hours later'

Mine is the same - 10 hours minimum to fully air dry, and its a lot shorter than yours. I feel your hairdresser pain too - most of them want to blow dry curly hair until it's straight, and then cut it . NO.

Mine is now under control after DECADES of hair nightmare. Here's what works for me:

Wearing it shorter than I used to - so much less faffing and general arseache

Wash with silicone-free conditioner every 3 days or so - give your scalp a really good scrub with the pads of your fingers. Then rinse out. Do not towel dry. I then add some Cantu leave-in conditioner to soaking wet hair - one of the few leave-ins I have tried that is actually rich enough for my hair

Then wrap in microfiber towel turban (lots available on Amazon) and leave for at least 10 minutes. Then remove towel (no rubbing) and add a good dose of Umberto Giannini Curling Jelly and work through with fingers. Do all of this over the bath with head upside down

I try to do all this in the evening and leave it to air dry for 2-3 hours. Then I dry with a diffuser, with head upside down, until about 90% dry. This only takes about 5 minutes

Sleep on it and then fluff up curls in the morning

I go to the gym 3 times a week and I'm a sweaty bugger. I certainly don't wash or condition after every gym visit. No need

I'm finally at the point where I enjoy my curls. It's hard to find a routine that works for you, but so worth it

I have massive hair too , I have been likened to the guitarist from the 80's band heart .
Left to dry alone mine would still be wet when I went to bed so I wash it and diffuse it at night . Have you tried the curly girl method ?

I wear it in a top knot when I can't be bothered though . It actually works well for that because I have so much hair I get a good style whereas others use the doughnut thing I don't have to .

Brazillian hair straightening is v good. Amazon diy kit or hairdressers.

I hear ya OP. Mines not quite on your level but the hours to dry, mad curls and bad haircuts all ring true.

The only thing I've found that helps a bit is to wash with silicone free products and sometimes only use conditioner no shampoo. I also often leave the conditioner in overnight and just rinse out the next morning, when I'm not working. Gently comb while wet (never brush or it frizzes madly). Tie up for the day then gently blow dry any remaining wetness that night to look good for Day 2/3/4. I can also go quite a few days between washes thank goodness.

I've never tried the curly girl method, no, mostly because I've never ever appeared in public without my hair straightened and I really don't know how I'd manage that in work! I'm so self-conscious, it would be a huge change for me and everyone would be looking and commenting. Plus, it would be wet which I don't think looks professional. I just don't think I could do it I do go natural when on holiday because there's no way I could keep it straight in the heat, but then its quicker to dry because its so warm at night there and its an ok look when I'm in holiday mode.

I have tried the brazillian blow-dry and it does work but is very expensive. I get highlights so between that and the cuts my hair costs enough as it is! Maybe a new cut and then treat myself to that again soon though as I'm reaching crisis point with it now.

I'm heartened to hear that others have the same struggle - although I'm sorry for you all too!

You wouldn't have to go in to work with wet hair OP. You could use a large hairdryer with a diffuser attachment to blow dry to 80 percent dry or so, then let the rest air dry. Your hair sounds fabulous by the way, although I know that big curly hair is a pain in the butt!

Could you put it into plaits and then dry the plaits with the hairdryer? When I do this it takes less time and leaves my (usually frizzy curls) as nice mermaid waves.

Would a diffuser not add more volume? I really don't need more volume.

It sounds so dramatic, but I think I'd need to take a few days off work and try the 'natural' look at home for a week to see how I get on before being brave enough to show up at the office! Maybe something to consider over the summer...

I would actually much prefer to have my hair than some of the hair I see on women . I have a great hairdresser who thins it when necessary . My mil has the most unfortunate thin hair so I consider myself lucky to be fair . 🤷‍♀️

The diffuser doesn't add volume if you dry it on low and instead of doing it upside down just do it sideways on . Also I sleep on it when it's dry so it flattens it .

My friend with madly thick (but not curly) hair has an undercut. Basically from the nape of her neck upwards for 2/3 inches is cut very short. Covered by the rest of her hair. She says it makes it manageable, but she never wears her hair up. And she swears by the turbie towel things.

Honestly...nothing is worse than thin hair (which I have and spend hours styling and still looking shit). Embrace the curls!

I've just spend half an hour cutting my hair out of the vacuum cleaner, so I feel your pain!
I've started wearing mine shorter (just over shoulders) and mostly follow the curly girl method now which helps.

A hairdresser thinned it a while back pigpoglet, and it looked ok at the time but with a few weeks it was frizzier than ever and I had terrible split ends. Hairdresser I went to after that said she wouldn't recommend thinning my type of hair.

I know, some people have the opposite problem with thin hair (people in my own family included) I just feel my hair really limits the activities I can do on a regular basis.

Sounds like I should give the 'curly look' a try. I need to be brave (and buy a diffuser!)

Have you thought about growing it longer? At a certain point it would be long enough to stick it in an up do every day and forget about it (possibly even when wet).

There’s a product called Color Wow Dream Coat that totally changed my life; it turned styling my hair from an hour long battle into a 20 minute breeze. The diffuser (too much volume) and air dry (it would still be wet in a week) advice doesn’t work for me at all! And I’ve had my hair cut shorter so there’s less of it to style. If it’s a busy week I schedule a blow dry which is affordable as my hair does go a full week.

OP my hair is ridiculously thick too, if I left it to dry naturally it would be still wet days later.. I have tried the curly girl method but my hairWOULD NEVER DRY!
And I got dandruff because the silicone free shampoos weren't right for me.

Is the problem the frizz? Or is it the thickness? Because if it's the frizz try the curly girl method it may work for you..

If it's the thickness there is only thing you can do - find an amazing hairdresser that will get some shearers/a razor and THIN IT OUT.
Now, most hairdressers will be timid and snip away a couple of hairs, even compliment you on how lucky you are to have lovely thick hair... but if you want to have hair like a normal person then you have GOT to get it thinned!

Yes be brave , you will probably find everyone loves it . If I ever straighten my hair people ask me if I'm I'll 😬😬

I use the CG method, this is my hair. I went for a walk in 28c heat and got home and it was STILL wet
I diffuse it now! It's cut into an inverted bob so nape of neck at the back then slopes down to under jaw at the front

You know that your hair dresser can thin it out a razor right?

Last time I had it thinned out I ended up with even more frizz and awful split ends after a few weeks. I have an appointment for highlights & cut in 2 week time so will consider all options with her then. Looking forward to it and dreading it in equal measure!

Why don't you ask her to dry it curly ?

Yes I'll definitely discuss the "natural" look with her. She'd probably far prefer that than the mammoth task of blow drying and straightening my hair! I suppose it's not not a very "in" look - every single person I've seen in the hairdressers seems to get their hair blow dried straight