Does my grey hair make me look slovenly?

[findingmyfeet12]

Im 38 and have quite a lot of grey hair.

It's thicker than my brown hair and I wonder if people would think it looks slovenly or unprofessional as it's neither all brown nor all grey.

I work in quite a smart environment and I've noticed that everyone else colours theirs.

I really don't mind it but hairdressers keep telling me to start colouring it and I wonder what other people would think. It's quite noticeable.

Well my natural colour was mouse. From about 20 it needed highlights to liven it up.

In true family tradition I am greying from the front and as it goes further back it's dull salt and pepper. Am heading for 60.

I have always highlighted my hair for me. In my 20s/30s twice a year was enough with some sunshine to give it the lift it needed.

Now I have a half head every 12-14 weeks interspersed with a TBar.

My hairdresser uses three colours: blondey gold, caramel and light brown. The grey and mouse blend in and the roots are barely visible.

I do it for me. I don't know when I'll stop.

That’s another great example of the social pressure on women to dye hair, and how this can be internalised into self criticism. Men with light brown hair don’t get called “mousy” and don’t highlight.

I’m 36 and have a smattering of grey (im dark brown naturally) now, maybe 25%? I stopped dyeing my roots about 9 months ago, I balayage the bottom which helps blend in the greys now they are a bit longer but it didn’t start looking nice until the natural roots were a inch or two long, so a while of feeling shit about it. Glad I persevered though. Once theyre longer I’ll probably stop the balayage too.

But ultimately it’s up to you. I couldn’t be bothered with the upkeep and I think grey roots and dark dyed hair look awful.

My son does dozer. He has contacts too. He does it for him. DH has a wet shave at the barber who deals with his nasal hair.

I don't think colouring your grey hairs will stop them from being wiry or hard to groom. Their texture will remain the same.

I have brown hair with white hairs peeking through here and there. I might end up with two streaks of white at my temples - I lost some hair there after pregnancy and the regrowth is very light. I have no plans to start dyeing it, however. I've no interest in exposing myself to strong chemicals on purpose every few weeks.

A minority of men dye their hair, yes, but the proportion doing so is tiny relative to the proportion of women.

finding yours sounds similar to mine. I’ve always had dark hair with a lovely hint of red and over the last ten years the greys have crept in and I have been dying it myself at home but it’s got to the point where I’m doing it every 4 weeks. My greys aren’t evenly spread and I have the odd few in some places and then patches in others.

I wear my hair up for work but the shorter wiry greys stand up and can’t be controlled. It takes a lot of work to get my hair presentable enough to wear down.

I haven’t dyed it for 8 weeks now and don’t want to leave it for the reasons you say, it does look slovenly and regardless of how I style it it just looks like there’s little effort gone into it because of the scrappy colouring. I do sometimes use that root retouch spray . I think highlights are the way to blend them in but I do like having dark hair. Just need to accept that dark hair doesn’t seem to like me anymore.

Well I love the colour of my hair and I'll continue blending the grays for the foreseeable.

Their is a photograph of my mother and MIL sitting together at DS's christening. They would have both been about 59. My mother had blonde, styled highlights, MIL was iron grey and had badly cut hair. My mother looks 20 years younger than MIL in that picture. Mother no longer colours her hair but it is beautifully styled and she recently had her front teeth implanted because the old crowns were worse for wear.

MIL looks like a crumbling old lady, M&S eladticated waist trousers, etc.

Both are fit, 82, 5'4 and a size 10 tops. Self care and good grooming make a world of difference and more so as on gets older. I know which one I intend to follow.

Keep the grey!!
I've been dying my hair various different colours since I was 14, then when I was 30 it was more to cover the greys. For the past few years I was dying my hair every 3-4 weeks as the greys were poking through and it stressed me out. In September, at the age of 37, I decided to stop dying my hair and embrace the grey. It is a very long process to grow it out, and I probably have a year to go still, but I am very determined! It certainly looks interesting as the rest of my hair is dark brown!!

Your hairdresser is probably suggesting it as he/she knows that it's a real money maker, and once you start it is hard to stop.

If you are happy with them then keep them. As others have said, maybe investing in a really good shampoo/conditioner will help to tame them a bit. I find that the bits that you can get from the supermarket aren't good enough for me, I need lots of moisture. My hair is curly, so my greys are as unruly as the rest, so don't stand out in terms of texture.

I certainly don't think that grey hairs look slovenly, at all. You should do what makes you happy, not to appease the judgements of other people. You be you ❤️

“Grooming” is not the same as “self care”.

Men of the 59 are not expected to spend their time and money on it.

“Crumbling old woman”: nice.

Depends on the men dozer. If men like Onslow do it for you please enjoy. I'll keep my well groomed DH who has neat nails, neat hair, smartly tailored suits and good shoes and shirts and who uses a very nice cologne and even a little moisturiser. Even at weekends he wears nice trousers and a shirt.

Hair dying is another “level” of time and risk.

botox even more so.

Keep the grey! Cut is more important than colour if you want to look smarter. I'm mid twenties and I expect I'm being naive but I can't wait to go grey. I think women who embrace it just ooze a sexy, confident powerfulness that I've never seen a man achieve. My industry is v laid back and unpretentious and I have so many incredible role models who totally rock the natural look.

I have quite a lot of grey hair, the rest is dark brown. I stupidly gave in and started dyeing it after someone thought I was 20 years older than I actually am, and after another comment suggesting I would look more my age (both from women, which is especially frustrating). Worst mistake I ever made. The upkeep is horrendous. It needs touched up maximum every 3 weeks, sometimes 2, and I can't get it all cut off and start again as I have horrendous facial hair which my longer hair partially hides. Embrace your grey, and don't be like me and fall for the hype etc.

I have salt and pepper hair, the grey hair I have is most definitely silver. I wasn't looking but got asked out on dates twice last year so I guess my hair can't be too hideous. I'm married and wasn't looking.

It's up to you op, I did dye my hair from about age 36 but became allergic to it so stopped dying it at 48. I went to a decent salon every six weeks. I do think most women under about sixty dye their hair but if it isn't dyed very well or has significant root growth it's the worst look. So if you commit to it get a decent job done and be prepared to do it on a very regular basis.

The worst is growing a dye job out totally, mine took about 18 months, it looked awful for that time. I actually bought a very expensive wig for while it grew out. I actually wear it now just occasionally when I fancy a change. Do I get compliments on my long brown bob? No not really do I get compliments on my silver streaks? Yes. What was hilarious was a girl asked me where I had got my silver streaks done in a bar last year.

Try slathering your hair in warm olive oil, leave it on for a couple of hours and then shampoo twice, that smooths it and gives it some shine. I recommend that to anyone as a very cheap way to deep condition hair. At the same time I became allergic to hair dye I became sensitive to perfume. My Doctor reckons it was the hormonal changes with the menopause.

I get that not everyone likes their grey hair and I get that the 'in between' stage can be tricky to manage. And I particularly get that it's often more about the condition of the grey hair than the colour itself. If you have the inclination and the money and the time to fight it - and you know what you're letting yourself in for - then crack on, although personally I'd rather get a good haircut and spend the rest on nice clothes.

But when I start hearing words like 'slovenly' and 'unprofessional' then I sit up. What the fuck is going on with the world when those words end up in the same sentence as 'grey hair'?

Flo it wouldn’t be my first word of choice and I certainly don’t think that grey hair is slovenly, it’s totally natural. I used it as it’s the word the op used and in my case it is true. I haven’t kept up with the dying as I can’t be bothered. And that is exactly how it looks. I might not bother again and until the regrowth is long enough to get to a stage where a decent cut would get rid of all the previously dyed hair that is exactly how it will stay looking.

But I think all bad roots, not just grey, is a slovenly look but annoyingly if you’re growing something out it can’t be helped.

Some wildly sweeping judgmental generalisations going on here...

There is a whole gamut of options between slovenly and highly-groomed. Many men don't wear shirts & suits or expensive cologne and yet manage to avoid looking like Onslow (I had to google, so I'm only guessing at who you mean).

Similarly, having grey hair as a woman doesn't mean you look unprofessional or slovenly, as evidenced by the head of the IMF.

I live in SE France, and at the market this morning I saw three beautiful women with natural grey/greying hair, and about 50 with poorly dyed hair. Maybe it's about looking tasteful, rather than attempting to defy nature?

My hair is curly, so having more unruly white hairs in hasn't been too much of a shock. I wear it up in a messy bun almost every day and I (and my two DSs) like the white streaks. I used to henna it but I suspect it wouldn't cover the whites and quite I'm enjoying my hair growing lighter (I was white-blonde as a very young child).

I'm not going to pour toxic chemicals on my scalp and down the waste water system to fit in with an outdated/money-making set of constraints about how women should look.

No social pressure here, I look just in the mirror shudder at my grey roots and dye them.

I'll be dying my roots later today I am a dirty blonde

My DM who had very dark hair still dyes her hair in her 70's it's now a light auburn colour which suits her, it doesnt look dyed as its never blocky and she's been doing it herself for years.

I think some people dye their hair too dark to stick with their original colour, it looks better lighter shades.

There is a great Facebook group called Gray and Proud full of lovely grey haired looks which might inspire you. I went cold turkey with mine just over 2 years ago dark brown (dyed for 25 years) and came through very white in front, a mixture in sides and darker at back. Looks kind of steel blue grey in parts and cinnamon and sugar in others and bright white too. After the obviously awkward skunk stripe first few inches, I get lots of compliments now, especially from young women, and hair has reverted to feeling shiny and in good condition again. Got a couple of snidey comments from more senior women but y'know some people are mean. Some women dye only the parting until the underneath has reached good grow out length and wish I'd thought of that as a less obvious method! Now have a reverse ombré with brown on last few inches and the rest grey. Work in senior role in semi corporate sector and don't think it looks slovenly! Plus don't really care. The health risks seem not to outweigh the benefits the longer you dye and it's hard to do home brown long term without ending up a touch khaki (or have that weird red shade a la Paul McCartney) imo. Good luck with whatever you decide!