About to take the plunge and chop all my hair off, but need advice.

[moosemama]

I am 47 years old and a dark brunette with thick hair that has a bit of a wave to it and a rapidly increasing amount of grey. The overall look is one of an ageing witch!

It’s currently below bra strap length and does absolutely nothing for me, in fact I think it’s making me look older, especially as I end up wearing it all scraped back off my face into a ponytail pretty much every single day, to avoid the wild witchy look.

I had it cut to chin length a few years back and that was ok, but a bit mumsy and annoyed me by constantly falling around my face, whilst being too short to tie back.

For context, I have two dcs with different disabilities, a younger dc who has recently started show similar signs to one of the older dcs and is under investigation and a hidden disability myself. I and up at 5.45 every morning and spend all my time running from one school meeting or hospital appointment to another, in between fielding emails from three schools and phone calls from schools and drs and fighting for school or medical support. I have literally no time for myself to faff about drying/styling long thick hair. In addition, my disability prevents me from having my arms up in the air styling my hair for ages, even if I had the time available to do it!

So, I really want it gone. I had short/pixie cuts for years when I was younger and firmer of jaw and it was just so much easier to manage than having to spend hours drying it and plaiting it to get it out of the way so I can sleep without it getting in the way.

I want to chop off my hair to kick-start me into a health overhaul, as I haven’t been taking care of myself and really need to up my game, as if my health crashes I can’t take care of anyone. I’m planning to re-start interval training, which will only take 20 minutes a day, that I will have to try and squeeze in wherever I can and short hair will make the post-workout shower so much quicker, saving me a lot of time.

I love the look of pixie cuts, but am aware that, no longer being anywhere close to the first flush of youth and rather closer to a size 16 than 14 these days, it is unlikely to suit me like it used to. I am also wary of ending up looking too mumsy if I keep too much length. When I had it cut to chin length, we went to our annual weekend off music festival and I felt really out of place and uncomfortable. Equally I don’t want to end up with trying to look edgy and ending up with one of those really unforgiving super short spiky styles.

I’m not brave enough to put up a photo, but if it helps, my face is fairly long, with high cheekbones that aren’t as prominent and they used to be, but still there-ish.

I have looked at hundreds of styles, but am still unsure which way to go. Tempted just to go really short to let the grey come through, then grow it into a better style, but don’t want to feel out of place on our festival trip again this year, as it’s the only break I get from all the stress in my life.

Any thoughts?

I'm approaching 40 and greying and people I barely know stopped me to compliment me after I shaved my head. Even my mother who is blunt and sometimes cruel, was shocked by how much it suited me.

You absolutely can have short hair as a washed up, middle aged bat. And it's just fecking hair. It'll grow.

It was also a breeze at festivals last summer.

Some photos of me with crappy, mousy hair in a pony tail, as it started to grow after the buzz and what it looks like now.

I did a pixie a few years back - loved it but I did it to grow the grey in and get my curl back.

I did a pinterest board of pixies I liked. Didn't think about it too much - just if I liked it (even if it wouldn't work with my hair) I pinned it.

And then I did a board of hair I hated. Pixies that made me go no no no. That helped me work out what kind of thing I wanted (or to be more honest didn't want) and I could show my hairdresser. They could see what I like and what I didn't like and I said for them to work with my hair for the best end result.

I wasn’t expecting any more replies.

Actually, I think the ‘you’re too old/fat’ reponses have made me want to do it more. I am certainly no spring chicken and at the moment am overweight, although I will soon be working hard to rectify that and have done so successfully before (flare ups of my illness cause me to gain weight) but, I hate being told I can’t do something just because of people’s arbitrary rules and judgement and absolutely refuse to be labelled.

I went out for lunch with my dd yesterday. Being the school holidays, the place was heaving with mums and children and the vast majority of the mums seems to either be sporting mandatory mid-length bobs or had their hair scraped back completely. Didn’t see one that I thought, now that’s a nice hairstyle or even notice anyone that had something a bit different about them. I’m not an attention seeker by any stretch of the imagination, but I am absolutely not one to follow the crowd and just blend in either.

I have seen some much larger ladies than myself, both in rl and online who look stunning with very short cuts. I’m not expecting it to miraculously turn me into a breathtaking beauty, not even expecting it to make me look younger, I just want to look ok, not feel mumsy and have a style that is convenient to live with without looking as dire as a scraped back ponytail does. I also want my to do it to allow grey to grow in. What’s the worst that can happen? As ShowofHands said, it will grow back.

Show your hair really suits you short. You look lovely. (Is your MN name inspired by a certain folk band by any chance?)

FrozenSweetPea. I have done a pinterest board with everything on, those I like and those I really don’t want to end up with. Good idea to do separate likes and hates boards though, I think I will see if I can find some time to shift the ones I hate onto a new board.

My hairdresser is very good at talking me through what will/won’t work with my hair. I used to love full fringes, but as I have a stubborn split in my fringe, she was adamant it wouldn’t work. Eventually I had it done somewhere else, when we moved away for a bit and it turned out she was absolutely right, it was a right pain in the rear having to mess with it every morning only to find it had split and looked all kinds of wrong a couple of hours later.

Thank you to everyone who replied. This thread has been useful for helping me work out exactly what my motivation for doing this is and realise that I am not doing it for anyone else, I am doing it for myself, so it really doesn’t matter if people I don’t even know look at me and think I am too old or fat to have a short hair cut. I can’t feel worse about how I look than I have this week with it constantly pulled back into a very unforgiving, severe ponytail, so really I don’t have anything to lose.

Good for you OP. Fuck what anyone thinks. I got my hair cropped then fell pregnant so put on 4 stone. I liked that I had "a haircut" when I was bigger. I hated having a non descript generic hair and having extra weight.
You'll get there, the main thing is you feel good about yourself. Weight is a secondary.
I'm sure you'll rock whatever hairstyle you go for as you seem as though you have a good hairdresser and a strong idea of what you want.
Best of luck xxx

I watched Sliding Doors last night and thought I’d love to get my hair done like Gwyneth Paltrow’s (when it was short!).

Would you like something like that? A pixie style but longer at the front so less severe.

Perhaps the reason so many of the “mums” you see out and about have bobs is because they are flattering and chic?

RoseWhite I have no objection to bobs, I didn’t say the mums I saw had awful hair, just that they all had very similar hair, which made it seem a bit like a mum uniform. Of the ladies I saw some looked very chic and smart with their bobs, others not so much. I don’t believe there is a one-size fits all hairstyle that makes everyone look chic. I have bobs myself in the past and yes they can be flattering and chic, but they’re not for everyone.

A bob suited me when I had bolt straight, super healthy, shiny hair. When I tried one after my hair went wavy it looked awful and was a real pain to try and keep looking smart. Tried again with a chin length bob I could scrunch up to emphasise the curl, but that felt and looked really mumsy on me, not chic at all.

Maybe there isn’t a holy grail haircut that makes me look chic, but honestly, I lean towards hippy/alternative (although not in a majorly obvious way) anyway and don’t really do chic.

Thank you Clarabumps.

Sidge I’m not sure that style would work with my waves and I would get annoyed with the fringe constantly flopping into my face. You have just reminded me that I had mine done like Demi Moore when I was, erm ... a lot, lot, lot younger and everyone loved it, including me. Again though, I had poker straight hair back then though.

Looking up the Demi Moore style I just found this one. I quite like it, it’s not a pixie, but softer and easier to wear and incorporates the waves/curls?

I say go for it. I'm definitely not skinny but got my bra strap length hair cut into a Claire underwood style longish pixie. I love it and it, and my grey, actually made me look younger. I find the short back but longer front easy to manage (I'm extremely lazy about doing my hair, it gets washed 2-3 times a week and that's it). If I want to make an effort, I sleek it down with hair gel when wet and comb. Job done.

On a side note, given my hair numptyness, could anyone tell me what sort of styling would I need to do to get that RHW Melbourne woman's hair?

Sidge, yes, I'm thinking of something like that. A very short bob i guess but graduated at the back, fairly tight but not severe.

I would also treat myself to a beautiful pair of earrings. Either alan ardiff heart of gold or Alex Monroe bumble bees.

Ps, I'm your age OP so I guess even though for the last 25 years I've cut my hair, grown it, cut it grown it......... I guess I like a change every now and then. THIS time I'm afraid that it will signal some sort of descent in to old age. Even though I'm health and not feeling old and I love clothes that suit me.

Ditto gone from long to graduated Bob then long and now thinking of a choppy Bob. Each new hairstyle always makes me feel fab and more smiley so go for it OP!

Thank you UnaMagdalena. I think that might have been a big part of why I was hesitant. I don’t want to suddenly look in the mirror and see my mum! After reading everyone’s comments and weighing it all up I am pretty sure I am ready to make a change - the 19th actually feels too far away, I want it done now, so I don’t have to look at my awful Lorraine Chase ponytail in the mirror anymore.

yummyeclair Thank you. I know what you mean. I have only walked out of a salon upset once and that was my mid-1980’s perm disaster - I looked like a poodle that had been left out in the rain! I usually feel so much happier when I go for a style change, it’s a bit of a kick-start towards making an effort to take better care of myself generally. It’s so easy to get lost in SEN stuff, hospital appointments and day to day medical care for myself and the dcs that sometimes I need to do something to sort of wake myself from my life-slog fugue state and get back at least a small part of who I was before all this overwhelmed me.

The self-efficacy of being in charge of your own HAIR has a self-esteem boosting effect. I am going to do it on my next day off!

I have a bob that's much longer at the front and shorter at the back. Looks great straight of curled. Quick to wash and dry. No need to blow dry, just use straighteners once dry.

I'm in the same situation OP. I am 45 and have long-ish thick brown hair, with quite a bit of grey coming through, and lots of wiry frizziness going on. I used to have smooth straight hair but now it's wavy and wild if I leave it. I have to blow dry it straight to smooth it down and prevent the 'witch' effect. Sometimes I wave it with straighteners but I think this has ruined the condition.

I hate roots so I don't want to dye it brown, so I think I will have some subtle highlights to blend in the grey.

I really fancy having a drastic chop but it's so scary! I think I will lose weight (I'm a 16) and take the plunge in the summer. I like long/short hair like Emma Willis, and I want to be able to mess it up and get some volume on top. These are some of the styles I like.

I had long thick hair which I always tied up so o chopped it all off into a very short pixie crop (Jean Seberg style) and I absolutely bloody love it!

You do you, but the wild witch look sounds ace!

I think I forgot to brush my hair today. Nobody noticed.

Tis done! Shorter than I was initially planning and I love it! Turns out my hairdresser has been desperate for me to do it for ages, but didn’t want to push me. She gave me great advice about what sort of front/fringe to go for to suit my hairline and type and what she’s done really works.

Looked great just cut and left, lots of curl, which adds really nice texture. My hairdresser has explained how to do it really quickly in the morning, but styled it today to give me an idea of what it looks like either way, so it’s a bit more ‘done’ that I would generally like at the moment. Can’t wait to wash it and have a mess around with it, but think I will wait till after the school run in case it takes me a while to get to grips with it.

No photo, because I always look dire in them (even my family agree, so I am not just being coy).

Looking forward to being able to exercise without getting slapped in the face by a plait every time I move and ending up with a hot, sweaty head. Not to mention being able to jump in and out of the shower quickly without having to do a lengthy wash and condition, then taking ages to dry it.

Next step - get back into my health routine and up my workouts.

So pleased I did it!

Hooray!

So pleased you went for it, how morale boosting. Your hairdresser sounds great.
Are you sure you can't get a snap without revealing your face...?

I did this two years ago at 40yo with nearly waist length thick hair and a size 18. Had a thread and lots of people said don’t do it, that I didn’t have an elfin face, etc.

Did it anyway, really short pixie cut. Put a photo on and everyone loved it, said they’d been wrong and it really suited me. That it took ten years off me. Will see if I can find the photos.