I’ve given up and I wish I hadn’t.

[JudgeRulesNutterButter]

I look shit. Flat saggy boobs, grey skin, lank hair, horrendous Mirena spots, podgy tum. There are no good features left to accentuate.

After my first DC I was back at work so although I didn’t have much time, I did have a bit of cash to occasionally order things online.

After my second I am now a SAHM, a decision I’m very happy about except I no longer feel justified in spending any money on myself. There seems no point. So my beauty regime is whatever’s on offer, and my clothes are being worn till they’re holey and then replaced with stuff from Sainsbury’s. I have decent foundation which I ask for for Christmas/birthday, that’s about it.

I don’t really know what I want out of this thread. I don’t even know if I want to change? Because it will be so much effort. It’s so hard to do things without money. But I’m starting to hate avoiding mirrors

Look at henna to cheer it up from a boring brown.

Cleaning is different from childcare. You're a sahm not a cleaner.

So if you clean your own house, then pay yourself for that. So say a tenner an hour for four hours a week. Baddabing.

A bit of fake tan on my face always makes me look and feel better. No 7 do a lovely facial tanner for about £6.

As an aside my boobs are v small and droopy have got better after breast feeding only recently, 3 years after dc3 ! It takes time.
Another recommendation for the ordinary here too, you can email them a pic of your face and they will recommend you a regime, honestly the best price for skincare that actually does stuff not just clean your face.

How old are you op ?

Oh that’s good Judge. You have to have some personal money. If there’s shampoo/conditioner type stuff in the supermarkets that you actually like then stock up on it when it’s on offer.

buckingfrolicks I like your thinking.

So if you clean your own house, then pay yourself for that. So say a tenner an hour for four hours a week. Baddabing.

Ker-ching!

Except that if we had £40 a week kicking around then I probably wouldn’t have let myself go in the first place!

I do get what you mean, and we’re not on the breadline or anything, but DH and I do have to make choices about what our disposable income goes on. And I realise that it’s a figure you’ve plucked out of the air, but no one else in our household spends £40 a week on things for them alone. We do spend money, but it’s on family/joint stuff like a day out, or gardening things (DH and I both love the garden), or a nice bottle of wine, or whatever.

So it’s hard for me to say “we should go without x so I can have y.” Especially since at the moment I don’t want to spend money on myself, I’d rather have the other things. Because I’ve given up on myself!

But instead we are looking at ways that I can try and save a bit more money, so that I don’t feel like I/we are sacrificing anything if I spend on myself.

Sorry bucking, I hope that didn’t sound like I was getting at you, it turned into a long rant. But I really wanted to justify/explain myself because otherwise yours would be very logical advice.

prettywhite you are giving me hope re: my boobs!! I will keep on wishing! I’m 36.

Jules it doesn't have to be £40, but if you make a list, decide on your priority eg haircut and go with that. I'm also a sahm and definitely spread the cost over time. I often ask for gift vouchers for birthday/Christmas, so I can use them in the sales for things I need. I have a running list of any gaps in my wardrobe, this month I bought a pair of jeans from tkmaxx as 3 pairs of mine have died this winter, so I was a little desperate. I also bought school shoes and trousers for dd1 (which were the priority, tbh).

Other things I do are swap my clothes around seasonally, so in the next month or so, it will feel like I have lots of new clothes as I get out my spring stuff. I will also decide on what I need to replace or any gaps from my winter wardrobe and put it in a list in a notebook. I will probably not buy anything on that list until next winter, so I have to really want it iyswim.

I'm quite an accessories girl, so that's a cheap and easy way to update what you wear. The other day, I was wearing a pair of very nice sunglasses from a charity shop, I think they cost £2.

But I would do baby steps. Change one little thing at a time, otherwise it's just overwhelming! I first overhauled myself 6yrs ago, and then again 2yrs ago. It takes time.

Glad you spoke to your DH.

You don’t have to spend a fortune to start prioritising yourself. Start by doing one thing every day. A ten minute sit down with a cuppa. A wander around th shops on your own and a coffee. Half an hour in th bath with a book.

You are worth it! Your mental health is important for you and for your family. It’s not frivolous to want to feel good about yourself. It will impact the rest of your life and your chikdren’s lives.

It sounds like your hair is really getting you down so I think I would prioritise that.