I hate the way I look

[Frustrationstations]

Sorry negative post but my antidepressants are making me depressed.
I've always had fluctuating weight.
I have health issues which make it hard for me to exercise and am on a constant hamster wheel of ever changing and increasing meds.
Most recently, in addition to various pain drugs I've been prescribed antidepressants which are also used in pain management. Since starting them I have put on a stone.
I was already on the chunky side and at exactly five feet tall I'm now nearly ten stone.
I have practically cut out carbs and sugar, eating mainly low fat protein, green veg, fruit (High water content and lower sugar such as berries and melon)
Some healthy fats like eggs, avocado and feta. Loads and loads of water and I swear I cannot lose a fucking ounce.
Any time I treat myself e.g. To toast, pudding or a pint I immediately want to rewind it as I know it will make me bloated, I'm exhausted by illness and struggling with basic things like chopping veg and fruit let alone set up nutribullet, seriously I'm that tired (single parent, working, two small 'spirited' children)
My anxiety and tearfulness are practically gone but in their place is self loathing.
I can't bear to see pictures of my self nor even look in the mirror. I'm bursting out of all my clothes and my jeans hurt me.
I don't know what to do or how to change this. I'm mid forties and on hrt too . I'm not exaggerating by saying I hate myself right now.
Please I'm desperate not to feel and look like this. Any ideas gratefully received.

Jelly that sounds a really good afternoon's work. Well done :) I think the fact that it was really windy and rainy, doubled the amount of effort needed to get around town as it was a major battle to prevent my brolly from turning inside out. So extra exercise there! I feel ok actually apart from the bits that were hurting anyhow. Better for getting out and moving do you?

Oh and I was diagnosed with fibromalgia for years. Only just had a proper diagnosis and I'm 56! Not that there's a cure but it would have been good to know that i wasn't just imagining all the weird and wonderful things I have.

Well done to you too disastrousflapjack every journey is such a huge chore, I'm glad I hit the sofa on mon. How ru now?
I have been extremely busy which has been good as not focusing on my appearance. Been cycling, swimming, hospital gym, job applications, political work, actual work and parenting! Wore an old cossie to the pool and despite having thunder thighs and phantom preg belly I wasn't too bothered. Think posting here has really really helped me to put things in perspective, plus ending my relationship this week has meant I'm not as self conscious as now not worried about whether I'm turning anyone on or no!
I meet with a group of fellow fibro sufferers and it's good to know we all have similar body image either due to meds or mobility issues or both.
I was only diagnosed a couple of years ago so am mid 40s now. Still not sure if it's fibro or part of the eds, hoping new gp can help me in terms of genetic testing
Sleep well, big day tomorrow, I'm buzzing cos of Election fear but have to sleep as working on the polls on the morrow xx

Hi Jelly. Good luck for election. Hope you get the result you would like.

So proud of you for getting your costume on and getting down to the pool. Bloody well done. I imagine the first time is the hardest because you are actually having to conquer your initial self-consciousness about not looking how you want to look. AND ending your relationship too! I hope that really helps you to start building your confidence up and this is the beginning of much better times.
I don't have one friend who is totally content with their body. I think it's as much the pressure on women to look a certain way as it is about not being able to do as much exercise as necessary due to physical limitations.