In the bleak midwinter, frosty Crepes may moan

[Collymollypuff]

Earth stood hard as iron, my heart like a stone.

With dh, it's complicated. He needs me to be his bridge to the real world, with whom he doesn't really connect properly, but he resents my superiority in this regard. So he needs me, but hates me for needing me, and pours scorn on my superb skills because he doesn't have them. he should fucking get a grip

As you know well Molly, I am also dh's Interpretive Officer, and Chief Sock Washer.

Does he acknowledge your role, Crem? I do like your lion, btw.

Oh god, now dad is out BUT sister of course doing a martyred- One Of Us Has To Visit Him schtick. I'm sure she's right but WHEN? DP said he could go on Sat but I can't get hold of him and I really can't go...

Colly and Crem - if your DHs need you to reach the outside world, but resent you doing it in a jolly and straightforward fashion, maybe you could spend a week or so doing your bridging skills via mime or interpretative dance. Should shut them up.

MI - Is your sis giving the visiting decision a false urgency? When will DP be able to answer the call?

I really don't know, herbs, re urgency. I suspect she's right but I'm easily guilt-tripped.

Oh crap MI.
Martyrs are really no help imho.
Do nothing until you can speak to dp and get firm commitment. Stress to dsis you cannot go but will talk to ddad on phone at regular intervals. Can you call on friends of ddad to step in for 2 sodding days until you can do some jiggling.

Molly: Yes to acknowledgement but in his own way which is not quite what i need , but he can talk me down from hysterical ledges, so I guess we were meant to be.
Herbs I do a lot if interpretive dancing for other people at home with family and with job. Seems to have turned out to be my role in life. I am the person on the bus who helps the lame and the directionless. Every day this happens so i must have a 'look' or something.

Yes, but would you get onto hysterical ledges if you weren't with your dp, I wonder? Oh yes, to helping the sick and the lame. No surprises we ended up with our dps. I blame my ridiculously religious upbringing.

Cremo, you lost me at 'friends of dad's'...I think we're back with both DP and DSis thinking I am undutiful.

I also have to do quite a bit of work, and sort out this sodding trip!

MI, i mean this kindly but stop worrying about what anyone else thinks you should do. There is only one question - do you need to visit your dad? This has two sub parts - a) is there anything practical that needs doing and that only you can do; and b) will you regret it if you don't go.

Other people's views may influence your answer to (a) but (b) is entirely up to you. And be strong on (a) - most things in life can be passed on or subcontracted. Given the year you have had it would not be at all surprising if your emotional energy was running low - is a trip this weekend what you want to spend what's left of it on? This is not a practical question so your answer is the only correct one.

And keep looking forward to that trip to India.

Go Mrs Wobble. Great bit of slicing and dicing there for MI.

How are you, Cocoa?

Good advice MrsW!

Yes Cocoa, how are you doing?

Just checking in after driving round Surrey looking for fish fingers. We only had 3 in house, and I decided thats what I NEEDED for supper.

I am bone tired. I hid the cold very well as I snivelled through most of the day; I had decided not to get too close to people, but they threw themselves at me, and I couldn't really explain...

Amazing how both sides of the family which NEVER see each other gelled quite well.

My face feels so sore - nose and eyes. Going to eat fish fingers in front of Planet Earth and keel over.

Thank you for all your good vibes, Crepeys. xx

Sounds like a plan, Cocoa...that's nice about the different sides of the family. Get a good night's sleep.

Liking the interpretative dance analogy.

And agree wth MrsW, MI. When were you next going anyway? History and politics is good combo, I think.

Cocoa look after yourself - I distinctly recall the crash afterwards.

Hi Cocoa glad you got through the day ok. Wishing you a long peaceful sleep. Night night.😴

Hope the fishfingers hit the spot, Cocoa. Take care of yourself.

Cocoa, huge hugs xx

On my way home after office party. I was a weeping mess for last hour. Oops.

Aww, Monty... Hugs for you too {{{Monty}}}

Hugs all round. God you lot speak sense. He apparently now alleges it wasn't pneumonia at all...er yes so you collapsed in the street with something else...DSis is going anyway, and DP may do, and I am NOT. We are going there on Christmas Day and I'm trying to work right to the last minute as I won't be back till mid-Jan. I do see that DSis is also wiped but hell, if they're prepared to do it...

Please stop me from being fat, drunk middle aged woman behaving badly and wearing felt antlers at the office party tomorrow.

Dh wore his batik shirt to the office party today. How we laughed.

Cocoa, well done for getting through today, and know exactly what you mean about fish fingers. Also about two sides of the family coming together.

MrsS, of your list I suggest the felt antlers are probably the easiest to avoid.