What to do when you just Don't Give A Fuck

[BabooshkaKate]

I just caught sight of myself in the mirror. I look a fucking mess: hair scraped back in a bun, dry skin, no make up, lumpy and unflattering shirt, trainers.

I don't really know when I stopped looking after myself. I look like shit so I feel like shit, so i look like... Do you see where I'm going with this?

I joined a make up group on Facebook which was really supportive and that spurred me on for about a week to make an effort but now I'm back to looking like a pile of shit.

I don't remember why I used to make an effort to look nice, it was just something I did. I don't even have children to blame for this slump.

Anyone going through something like this? Any tips on self care and getting my Fucks back?

Hm...

Maybe meditation? Or doing an activity you like? Swimming? Riding? Pilates?

When I'm happy I'm automatically motivated and also look good (according to DH).

Good luck

Ive ever felt like you, no.

But if you want to change it there is plenty you can do.

Hair cut and colour (if required)
Develop a healthy eating plan- one week at a time - to lose weight
Do some daily exercise
Establish a weekly grooming routine- nails and feet, hair mask, face mask etc.
Go to a nice make up counter- eg Bobbi Brown- and ask for a lesson.
Buy some basics as a capsule wardrobe- better fitting jeans, tops and boots.

May I ask how old you are? I went through a few years in my early 40's when I was caring for my parents and just couldn't give a sh*t about my appearance either.
It was a vicious circle - I didn't do the things that made me happy, such as dance classes and breaks to the coast, because I was overweight and felt too frumpy.
I snapped out of it and started investing more in my free time and activities. Maybe you can pinpoint some changes you need to make if you think you can be happier than you are.
Pedicures, good hair cut, makeup lesson, massage all good ideas IMO.
X

The hair bun is deadly. I fell into that trap. I had lovely long hair. In reality, 5 days out of 7 it's be scraped back into a very unlovely bun cos I had no patience.

So eventually I chopped the shit out of it. Chopped it up too short to put in a bun. It's actually much easier as it doesn't hang down and annoy me anymore (hence the vicious circle of whipping it up into a bun). And it looks a lot funkier with zero effort , just cos of the choppiness.

I was a bit like this when with my narc ex. I was depressed.
As soon as I left him, I began to change. I look back and I don't recognise myself as I was then.
How are you feeling in general?

Your purpose on this planet isn't to be decorative.

It's Sunday - why wouldn't you be wearing a comfy shirt and no make up? How many men are squeezing themselves into figure highlighting clothes and slapping on make up?

You need to do small things.

I'm one stone overweight (would ideally like to lose two stone though!) and when I try the healthy eating things and do yoga (once a week) and walk the 13 minutes from work tube station to work and back (approx 30 minutes a day each way) I feel much better. I was cutting down on the 13-15 minute walk back as a bus goes to my mainline station too but recently even if I've had a cold etc I've just walked it.

After 1 heavy and another night out latter part of last week I caved and ate stuff I shouldn't have why is the Co-Op still open at 10.30pm damn you?! but going to get back on it next week.

What spurs me on is also a friend was signed up for a charity 5K - she hates running but decided she had to do it, so she's done park runs. She put a pic of her on Whatsapp and FB and i couldn't believe it, amazing! No idea if she'll keep it up but goes to show if she can do it, I can!

I do get my hair done regularly (colour and cut), try to stay up to date with fashion and also look after my skin and what I eat generally. i know the slippery slope is all too easy for me to fall down thank god there's no Greggs near my office though countless other baked goods stores! so I try to resist. However at least twice in past week i gave into a sausage roll and tea i blame southern and their crap delayed trains in the evening rush hour!

Maybe find a new very low maintenance regime that stops you looking and feeling like shit without you having to put in a massive effort. I always ask hairdressers for a cut I can just dry naturally as I know I can't be bothered to blow dry and style for hours. Then get make-up down to three things - whatever makes the biggest difference to you. Maybe mascara to lift your eyes, tinted foundation and tinted lipgloss, to make you look natural but fresh not knackered.

I lost interest in appearance when I was depressed and got ove rthat by deciding that it really didn't matter whether I wanted to or not, I'd still shower, dress, put make up on, as inevitably once I had, I felt better and looked better if catching a glance in the mirror.

Can you get yourself some chunky autumn knitwear in good colours and a couple of scarves and pair of boots that go with them? That way you can still chuck them on over a rubbish tee shirt but look good and put together. It makes a difference to how others treat you, so it is worth it.

Go for a haircut, ideally something un-bunnable.

Go through your wardrobe and throw out any tops that are stained, worn or misshapen. Buy two/three new ones in a cut that you know is fail-safe. (For me that's long-sleeve V-necks from Gap. If I monitor their sales and discount codes, I can get them for £3-4 each.)

Buy/start using a decent moisturiser.

How's your bra situation? That can be a big part of the issue with tops.

Yep , hair, start with hair. I get mine cut so that I can't scrape it back. Aprox 4 minutes to run the ghd`s through it and it's done.
Never bother with hair dryer, just wash, leave...put a wash load in, run the Hoover over, empty dishwasher and its dry ready for straightening.

Don't wear makeup, ever, seriously too much faff when you have no fucks.

I found a super cheepo clothes shop, so I spend about £15 a month on some new clothes, also charity shops. New (to me) clothes always make me feel nice.

That said, some days, it takes all my fucks to get a shower, let alone get out of my slobs. (I can work 70hour week's so if I get a day off I do love to slob)

I don't give a fuck. So I am very motivated to find the exact minimum effort need to look professional (if at work) or OK ish (if at home)
Here are things I recommend:
Easy care hairstyle that looks nice
If your going to do jeans and t.shirts at weekends, find some you like.
My minimum effort "nice" outfit is: stretchy skirt (super comfy and £5 from primark), black leggings (no need to shave legs), comfy jumper, chunky necklace, chunky boots (flats natch!). I find that looks reasonably put together without the need for expense, grooming or discomfort.
I'm also fat and have no intention of moderating my food intake. But I have discovered weight lifting which at least is making my large frame solid rather than wobbly and is improving my posture.
Good luck OP and UP THE SLATTERNS!

Op, you don't need makeup, seriously.

Get a hairstyle that suits you face. Comfy clothes that suit your body (high waisted skirts, wrap dresses, palazzo trousers, skinnier with cute boots etc in my case. I'm sure you'll find something you like).

Get an easy and good skincare routine. A gentle wash, Toner (without alcohol! Especially not for somebody with dry skin) and a moisturizer. If your skin looks good you don't need makeup. maybe a coat of mascara, some highlighter under the eyes and tinted lip balm.

And more importantly:
Be healthy and happy.

Eat clean food, go for walks (or dancing, rowing, whatever), meet friends or join a club...

Yeah, I don't think you need make up either.

But a moisturiser with "luminous" in the title is your friend.

DianaT1969

May I ask how old you are? I went through a few years in my early 40's when I was caring for my parents and just couldn't give a sht about my appearance either.*

Mid-20s. So I feel like I have less of an excuse.

I like the hair idea, I'll get a chop when i next get my roots done.

oh Kate!!
I think this sounds a bit sad. And I am sure you will look lovely again waves wand

Why don't we use this as a thread to give you a new lease of life?

Daily - wash and do hair ( I wash and dry every day)Miosturies ( get a pump action one and do quickly after shower)
Weekly - do nails/get them done/exfoliate in a nice long bath. Foot cream

I've had issues with this - being stressed with work and the knock on effect it's had on homelife and life in general.

I stopped taking care of myself and the kick starter I needed was the horrific cold/flu I've ever had.

I have since decluttered the house. Have decluttered my wardrobe. And have started taking baby steps to make myself feel more like me.

I started making sure I moisturised every day (face and body - body with a self tan moisturiser).

I've been eating better and exercising more. Just a little - making sure I go for a walk at lunchtime every day while at work. And gym once a week (initially only for 30 minutes).

I'm trying to get more sleep/better sleep.

I'm confused tbh.
Are you saying you want to look better- or you don't care?
If you don't care, then stay as you are.

It sounds as if you are a bit fed up with life overall. How's work, friends, personal life?

Polly

I'm saying that I would like to look how I looked when I put an effort into my appearance. The issue is that I somehow got to a place where I am not motivated to do basic things and I'm not sure how it happened.

Are you unhappy or depressed?

Reading thru this thread I was going to suggest what polly says above. Not giving a fuck about what you look like is shouting depression to me. Have you been to see your GP recently, have a chat about how you are feeling? I agree that exercise is a great mood booster but sometimes you need a little help to motivate yourself to start with.

I agree, not caring is a symptom of something. You need to look fir the cause rather than treat the symptom. Talk to your gp and perhaps get bloods done. I get like that when my iron and b12 are low. I wouldn't have the energy to care.

Regular hair cut, tinted eyelashes and shaped eyebrows (also tinted if as pale as mine). It's amazing how much of a lift that gives, and it's only once every 6-8 weeks.

Work out what to do more of (not give up) for your diet e.g. a piece of fruit or a salad every day.

Where can exercise be part of your routine e.g. get off the bus a stop early and walk.

I am also a 'don't give a XXXX' but need to look moderately together for my job plus want to be healthy.

Agree that it sounds like a symptom rather than the cause, but aesthetically, there is sloppy jeans with running trainers and well fitting jeans with trendy trainers. If you replace the lumpy tops with some decent t shirts (try ASOS ultimate in various shapes), get some black or white Nike/Adidas/Converse and a couple of new pairs of skinnies or slim-fit you're halfway there without daily dressing requiringmore thought than it does now.

When I can't be arsed I wear a black t shirt, blue skinnies, black biker boots, messy loose bun and mascara. Boring but acceptable.