I have money to spend on myself.

[user1474792594]

I am in a fortunate position of having what is to me a lot of money to spend on myself.

I have 3k set aside.

I need make up and clothes. I am 48 and size 16 and 5ft3. My belly is huge - I am very definitely an apple. My feet are broad and a bit flat.

Can you help?

So far I know I want a down arse covering coat for the winter and a pair of Chelsea boots / ankle boots and a pair of long boots.

Other than that, I have no clue.

Help me!

I was married to an abusive man for many years. Oh how I wish I'd had mumsnet then. He wouldn't let me spend any money on myself but always had money for the pub / football season ticket / fancy car for him.

I have worked so so hard to get to where I am. It's taken 15 years out and I earn a good wage. A very good wage. I don't get any maintenance, but my children don't go short.

I want.

A long coat.

A nice bag.

A blazer.

Some boots.

A nice dress.

I want to look like I am STYLISH.

And when I say years for the teeth. I mean 20. He wouldn't let me go. I am panicking about that one.

Oh love you are not being selfish. Sounds like you have been through a lot. You've worked hard for this money and it's an act of self love to care for yourself and want to look nice.

Stop feeling guilty, it sounds like you deserve this. Plus, more confident well dressed you = more earning power and more money in the family pot. Win win

Thank you. Feel a bit like crying. You're all so nice.

Not selfish, well deserved.

My only other advice to you is keep it simple and comfortable, make sure it fits and get good underwear. Add a touch of flamboyance - if you wish - with a colourful scarf or piece of jewellery.

Have fun. Sorry about your abusive partner.

I get cross with myself for putting up with it for so long (sorry - that's not what this thread is about !)

Agree with getting your colours done or better, colours and style - I had the colours and style day at house of colour - was about £150 but best money I ever spent and a great day out!

Don't rush to spend it. I'm stingy so would find what I'm after and then shop to get the best deal then enjoy a spa treat day & spend money on a decent handbag ;)

Spa day is a good plan :)

And yes. Am stingy :)

Well you can't change the past and abusive men are v manipulative. Maybe you could use some of that money to do a self development course to give yourself a self esteem boost too? There is also The Freedom Program, have you come across that?

Just remember with MN you are NEVER alone!

I think you sound wonderful OP and wish you the very best of luck with your new 'look'. I think if it were me I might dip my toes in, so to speak, by not spending it all at once. I would DEF go to a top hair stylist and have colour and cut done. Revamp skincare and make-up. I love La Roche Posay for skin, you can get it in Boots and it is very nice without being stupidly expensive. Go to a beauty counter and explain the basic everyday look you would like, Bobbi Brown are generally very good. Buy the bare basics such as foundation etc and then you can add to it over time.

Browse nice shoe shops, try on LOADS of boots till you find the perfect pair.

Buy some GAP / Levis etc - I wouldn't go crazy for designer brand denim at this stage, what you want (I think!) is nice, well fitting, decent stuff you can wear EVERY DAY and not be afraid it is too expensive etc

M&S for cashmere jumpers / cardigans. Boden is good for this too.

Buy a couple of dresses from Boden, it is lovely to have something in the wardrobe for occassions where you might be going out for lunch / dinner at the weekend and you have a nice dress and shoes ready to go.

I would keep some of the money back so as confidence from the new hair / makeup / teeth / clothes etc grows you can add more luxurious touches to your existing new wardrobe.

If you can, spend time at the weekend 'people watching' - have a coffee / glass of wine somewhere busy and look for women a similar size / age to you who are dressed well to you and make a mental note so you know 'what' to look for the next time you are shopping.

Good luck!!! You deserve to feel fabulous!

Oh I've done the self work :) read the Lundy done the freedom programme and had counselling :)

Oh that's good to hear. Sounds like you've laid some good foundations for the future. All we need to do now is to get you looking fabulous..! 😀💃👠

I just can't shake the little voice in my head that says I don't deserve it and it's selfish.

I'm strictly a primark / Asda / new look kind of level. Even Boden is a jump for me. Even per bloody una tbh

It's not selfish. It's normal to want to look nice. Do it for yourself because you are as worthwhile as everyone else. They say the best revenge is a life well lived. Do it and stick your 2 fingers up to your ex who put you down for years due to his own inadequacies. No one here thinks you are selfish, in fact we're all thrilled for you!

OP, you deserve everything and more for not only living through all that but finding the courage to get out, providing your little family unit stability and a safe environment, and putting in all the emotional work to overcome it all. Don't ever doubt that and don't give yourself over to that little voice, your trajectory is upwards from now on and has been for a while now .

My advice would be don't be too sensible about it all, buy what you love not what you think is proper. Don't focus on price tags, look if you like something, the feel of it, how it fits before ever glancing at the price. Then decide if you feel it's worth the money.

The advice of classics that will last you forever is often touted on MN but it is rather limited but works well for shoes, bags, and coats. At the very least buy something completely outrageous or unnecessary that you adore and will put a smile on your face. It can be clothing, perfume, a flaming red lipstick, whatever...

MN is a wealth of knowledge for skincare, set up a separate thread if you need specific advice.

Bobbi Brown and Laura Mercier are the best counters for makeup advice, 'you but better' with well trained staff. If you're near a SpaceNK head there too, the Hourglass Ambient lighting palette is worth the visit alone.

Thank you all.

Thursday and Friday are clothes / bags / shoes days. And initial dentist. I expect him to tell me I need a fucking gazillions of work. I might cry from shame. (I have warned the dentist and the receptionist has promised he will be nice )

Oh this is so exciting!

Could you get to a Selfridges for a personal shopping session perhaps? Are you still losing weight because if so I would just buy a few things for the time being.

I have these ankle boots which I wear with jeans from Russell and Bromley here

I have a woolrich down coat which works well on an apple as it isn't belted. It is similar to this

I would get a couple of decent cashmere jumpers - I love this jaeger one as it is slouchy, cosy but works with boobs

In terms of handbags - is your life quite casual or do you want something super smart? I still quite like mulberry or you could go crazy and get a chanel

Good underwear also key - I really rate Simone Perele as a brand and you can get it in Selfridges.

Do you have a really honest friend who could go shopping with you? You need to spend some time on this and try on loads of stuff.

MrsCampbellBlack I could go to self ridges but wouldn't they laugh at me?

I love those boots but do you think they would fit frog feet?

I just need smart casual stuff - work stuff is sorted, clothes I wear dull suits but they work and I have an old battered leather bag that takes my laptop and was the first thing I bought for work years ago and I would like to keep it for sentimental reasons

Not style and beauty but I am buying myself a MacBook. Have a separate budget for that and I am not for sharing with the teenagers who have iPads and iPhones and perfectly adequate laptops.

The MacBook I'll have to wait til christmas for

No they ( hopefully ) wouldn't laugh at you! You could go to John Lewis or House of Fraser and book a personal shopper. There's no obligation to buy but they can find things they think will suit you and you get your own changing room to try them on in.

Still think a style/ colour consultation is a good place to start tho. Will give you a good foundation to work from.

I have wide feet and those boots fit really well. I bought the tan ones last winter and they barely left my feet.

They so would not laugh at you in Selfridges but you need to feel comfortable and not at all pressured into buying anything you don't like.

I would maybe start somewhere like john lewis which stocks lots of brands and where you can try on loads of stuff without feeling any pressure.

Don't laugh. But I'm worried if I got to john Lewis and tell them I have 3 grand to spend they'll just sell me anything.

Don't tell them your budget - just say you are looking for a coat, some jeans, boots and a few tops.

The great thing with JL is easy to return it if you do change your mind.

I would say that you want to buy an elegant capsule wardrobe that should be Include footwear and accessories. That means key pieces that can be worn with each other in lots of combination. You can look on Pinterest to get inspiration.
I would recommend that you buy one thing that will remind you of how far you have come perhaps a piece of jewellery or a full length coat.