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Original poster

Do you get "hit on"?

82 replies

Jmangel · 06/04/2016 17:05

Following on from a thread yesterday, I realised I never get hit on. Now I'm 43 but even 20years ago, I wouldn't have been hit on in everyday scenarios. Yes I would have been approached in a club or bar, but not paying for petrol, whilst at work etc. So do you get hit on or not? I know we're supposed to be above all of this and not be validated by everyone else's opinion of us, but starting to think I am officially past it! I'm reading a really annoying book at the moment by Paula Daly, The mistake I made, and in it, the protagonist cannot move for romantic and sexual advances - So much so that it's beginning to grate as not realistic, but then maybe it is and it's just me that gets overlooked! If you reply to this rambling, please let us know you're age and what you would rate yourself out of 10 in attractiveness terms. I would rate myself 6/10 on a very good day!

OP posts:

Misssss · 08/04/2016 08:51

All the time. I'm not a total beauty, but I'm confident, smiley and friendly. I've noticed it happens a lot less now I'm older and fatter.

I really do think it's down to personality and confidence not looks. I have some beautiful friends (catwalk model and air hostesses) who are a bit baffled by the fact I get approached more than them.

NotJanine · 08/04/2016 09:14

No, never. My DH is the only man who has shown any interest in me. Needless to say I would mark myself pretty low in the attractiveness stakes

dragonsarebest · 08/04/2016 09:38

It used to happen often when I was younger. Attention never bothered me that much tbh, the only exception being the stalker and that was all a bit very weird. It doesn't happen any more, but I choose to put that down to being permanently distracted rather than the extra weight, grey hair and wrinkles

Piemernator · 08/04/2016 09:52

When I was young all the time and even though I'm late forties still quite a bit.I'm mixed race and look younger than I am and let's be honest some blokes perve after an exotic. Which is what I have been called.

Worst which has happened a few times, bet your number 69 on the menu. I'm half Chinese but look more Chinese than English.

My DS has become very defensive now he is a teen I was absolutely leered at horribly a few months ago by a man sho served us In a shop. Afterwards and I didn't realise this happened DS told me he gave the bloke evils for staring at you Mum. Love his little heart.

I'm very good at comebacks these days. I also game and end up in public lobbies sometimes and there is quite a bit of sexual harassment of women in online gaming. They have no idea what you look like but they hear a woman. Had a guy be really disgusting to me a couple of days ago. I smacked that fucker down with an excellent reply and everyone mocked him in the lobby.

candykane25 · 08/04/2016 09:56

I am totally oblivious to any attention I might attract.
I only noticed if someone was interested in me if I was interested in them back. But if others were hitting in me it didn't register.
41 now and as far as I am aware the last person to hit on me was my DH five years ago when we got together.
I think I'm fairly attractive and approachable but perhaps dense when it comes to recognising any signs of interest. I'm just not interested so give off that body language as well maybe.

PollyPerky · 08/04/2016 11:32

I think it depends on intent. I've not had anyone ask me for my number, but had I not cold-shouldered various men who have approached me, I'm pretty sure they would have got round to that. You can tell if your senses are working whether someone is passing the time of day or has made a beeline for you and is 'interested'.

Voteforpedr0 · 08/04/2016 11:49

Yes by workmen, even when I've the dc with me. If I'm out drinking with female friends but I don't like it one bit, I find it irritating. These guys would not be doing this if they got a look at me right now so maybe I should start going out with my slouchy lounge wear, no make up and greasy hair

FriendofBill · 08/04/2016 13:12

I am polite and helpful but in no way flirtatious nor dress with any hint of sexual availability.

No, I don't get hit on.
As a pp said they wouldn't dare.
It's definitely about the vibes.

slug · 08/04/2016 13:18

I'm 50 so it no longer happens.

However, I did get an awful lot of obvious male attention when living in an area of London with a high concentration of men from Sub Sarahan Africa. It seems my fat voluptuous body type was far more prized among this group than my far more petite and conventionally attractive flatmate.

PollyPerky · 08/04/2016 15:05

I'm 50 so it no longer happens.

Speak for yourself! I'm older and it still happens.

50 is not old these days and there are some gorgeous women in their 50s, who put their younger sisters to shame.

oldlaundbooth · 08/04/2016 16:11

Charlie Stubbs coveredinhopeandvaseline

AmberNectarine · 08/04/2016 16:18

mrsbojangles you may well do the face but it happens to some of us. Most recently a month or so ago when I was out running. It was getting dark and I found it very intimidating.

I also had the misfortune of attempted date rape a couple of weeks ago in a nightclub which has since become a police matter. Luckily they didn't sceptically arch their eyebrows at me when I reported it.

MsBojangles · 08/04/2016 16:28

MsBojangles · 08/04/2016 16:40

That's considerably more than 'being hit on'. I'm not quite sure what response you're looking for.

slug · 08/04/2016 16:40

Polly, to be fair, I was only speaking of my own experience. I am what could delicately be described as a complete munter.

AmberNectarine · 08/04/2016 17:04

I'm not looking for any response. Just pointing out the hmm face is a bit of a dick move.

AmberNectarine · 08/04/2016 17:16

And I'll expand on that because it's pissed me off. When you make a comment like you did upthread, you're saying: 'oh, she obviously thinks she's something special, but as these things never happen to me, I don't believe they ever happen to anyone else'.

I think it's really important to create a culture of credibility around these things, because when a woman is sexually assaulted or attacked, as j had the misfortune of being, the last thing she needs is to be worrying about whether anyone will believe her story, in addition to the horror of relieving the experience/likelihood of victim blaming etc etc.

It's fortunate that these things don't happen to you and you can use a PA emoticon, but they do happen to other women and we should be supportive, not sceptical. No-one on this thread is saying 'oh look at me in all my hotness', the majority are describing grim sexism.

PollyPerky · 08/04/2016 17:19

Oh FFS!
You are overreacting a tad.
This was supposed to be a S&B light hearted thread, not one about sexual violence.

There's a world of difference between a man giving a woman and admiring glance and perhaps initiating conversation (maybe leading up to asking for a date) and someone being attacked by a man.

Most women know the difference.

MsBojangles · 08/04/2016 17:26

Amber, it's shit that you've been through that, shit that any woman should have to go through that. Not sure a daft thread in S&B is the right place to be venting though.

Floisme · 08/04/2016 17:45

Sorry to hear about that, Amber. Hope you're ok.

PollyPerky · 08/04/2016 18:28

Yes, I too am sorry you had to go through that Amber. And I hope you are okay.
I'm sorry if my comments seemed insensitive. But at the same time, men do and always have / will 'chat up' women (and vice versa) in ways that are not threatening or demeaning. All relationships start with some kind of contact but sexual violence is in a different league.

SurferJet · 08/04/2016 18:32

Yes, quite often. But I'm very attractive so it's inevitable.

YoungGirlGrowingOld · 08/04/2016 18:33

Not for 20 years! Am 40. My DH was the only exception so I married him.

Another one with resting bitch face and according to my DB single men find me "fucking terrifying".

AmberNectarine · 08/04/2016 19:30

The thread doesn't bother me it was this comment:

'Nope, I can't begin to imagine what it must be like to have blokes requesting blow jobs the minute you step outside your front door '

It felt like scepticism. That's all. It happens.

AmberNectarine · 08/04/2016 19:31

And that felt like a direct response to my original reply on the thread:

'I also seem to attract the lovely, grabby kind of man and the ones who insult me when I don't gratefully take them up on their generous suggestion that I might like to give them a blow job. I am so bored of sexist wankers thinking I exist solely for their entertainment.'

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