Am I fighting a losing battle with grooming whilst children are young?

[teacher1984]

I just can't keep it up no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I try to get organised, it seems impossible to fit it in and build a routine.

I know there are threads like this from time to time so posting something similar is probably pointless but I really really needed to vent this evening.

It's 8pm and I have just sat down. This evening I still have to unload the dishwasher & reload with what's lying about, wipe my worktops, hang up a load of wet washing, fold & put away some towels and order a couple of household things online.

I really need to wash my hair, dry and straighten (impossible to achieve this in the morning as doing so would wake my kid) so I look ok for school run tomorrow on top of all the jobs above.

I really just want to sit down & read mumsnet & zone out.

I haven't shaved in weeks, my hands and feet are a mess. I've cancelled 2 hair appointments now so hair looks awful.

I did make it to a HD brows appointment this week but I'd previously cancelled that twice.

I used to look good!

I have a new baby arriving in the spring and really really want to build a routine now that I can hope to maintain with a newborn.

If you have preschoolers and still look reasonable please please tell me how you do it? From 7am - 9pm every day my life is kids, housework, cooking, house admin. How do I fit myself into that?

I try so hard and never succeed!

Shower and wrap your hair up while they are asleep. When they awaken, get them breakfast, help them on the loo, and then do your hair drying. Turn on the TV and tell the DCs to wait until you are ready while you do your hair. This will be good for them and for you. Don't fret about tv.

Try to keep up with items like car tidying as you go along. Keep a bin bag in the car and make your DCs put rubbish into it. Turn it into some sort of game if necessary. Don't let it get to the point where it has to be cleared, which robs you of a chunk of time.

If you don't have a dryer, buy one. Buy clothes that can be tumble dried and phase out those you have that need special care like hanging up to dry, hand washing, clothes that run in the wash, etc. You will still have decent clothes. Take clothes out of your dryer and fold them really carefully. Forget ironing.

Children don't need a bath every night unless they have daubed hummus or spag bol all over themselves. Cut that down to twice a week or as needed.

Don't start on bedtime until the kitchen is done. Leaving chores piling up in your wake 'to be done later' is a recipe for depression. You never feel you are accomplishing anything, and life becomes a matter of always chasing your own tail. Start and finish each chore in one go when it is humanly possible.

Sort out the kitchen as much as you can as you go along when you are preparing dinner. If possible, only cook at weekends and defrost during the week. Get yourself a freezer and use it efficiently, with a crock pot. You can have a fortnight's supply of meals just by cooking a few one weekend and then topping up with one recipe every following weekend.

Ring fence your basic defuzzing and grooming time at the weekend. Your DH will need to assist you in this. Keep a family calendar so you will know what is planned. Write in your own grooming time there so it will become a significant event for you and not something you do only if there isn't something 'more important' happening. You are important! Take that time for yourself!

And make your DCs only eat in the kitchen -- don't let anyone bring food, plates, cups (except for sippy cups) anywhere else in the house. If DH leaves plates, mugs, etc around for you, ask him to bring them to the kitchen and rinse and put in the dishwasher.

Put the dishwasher on overnight, and unload it every morning while the DCs have breakfast, after you shower, while your hair is wrapped up waiting to be dried. That way you will have an empty dishwasher to dump things into all day and your sink won't get jammed with dishes.

I don't iron either . If your kids are small, you are a SAHM and your husband has a manual job, what on earth do any of you wear that needs ironed ?

Get a cleaner now if you can afford it .

I don't understand why you DH can't do anything because he's out the house for 12 hours, five days a week . That's normal for most people who work full time and commute. After all, you work 14 hours a day for seven days a week.

He's still perfectly capable of loading a dishwasher after he's eaten and wiping down surfaces while you put the kids to bed or fold the laundry .

And what does he do at weekends while you still work 14 hours a day ?

The biggest time saver I ever found was getting a service wash done once a week/ 10 days of a big bulk of laundry. Sheets, towels, socks underwear. But I had a very handy, clean laundry that I passed on my way home. I was a stay at home mum at the time with very little disposable income but it was so worth it!

And I think your DH is taking the piss. If you have asked for help and he has refused then I think he is being an arse.

I use my children's bath time for grooming. I chat to them while I do skin, nails etc. I pick a different area each night. Weekly sheet mask before bed. I take out my clothes at night and as soon as they're dressed and breakfasted in the morning I have a shower amending makeup. I have v long hair that I wash weekly, roll into bin and sleep it, it saves time ad prevents it from being wrecked by hairdryer.

Also I never leave the house withoit washing machine and dishwasher being put in, I'm religious about that. I don't allow any toys upstairs and get my 5yo to make his bed with me, I so don't want messy kids.

Haha, into a bun. But depends on hair type, I'm v lucky to be able to get away with washing hair every five days or so.

I used to just blow dry the sweat when I did lunch time spin classes - it's only salty water, I use a salt texturising spray on my hair anyway sometimes - it's no different!

do your own eyebrows with eyebrow strips. Find a lower maintenance hairstyle

I find if I shower last thing at night and go to bed with wet hair it bizarrely looks better in the morning than if I dry it in the mornings. If you really don't have time to straighten it every day (and I don't) this might be a good option? Try it. I was surprised to find out it worked.

12 hours a day or not your DH needs to step up!

I ma out the door at 7 and get in at 645 on the days I'm in the office. I walk straight in to bed time and then cook dinner after they are asleep. DH walks the dog while i put the kids to bed and he clears up after we've eaten. We both do a quick blitz of the living room before we sit down to eat.

Meal planning / shopping doesn't need to take an evening, I do it in my lunch hour now but when DTs were small did it when they napped, or throughout hte day when they were momentarily occupied by something else.

Batch cook on a sunday - its dull and boring but your husband can look after the kids and then you have meals sorted for the week (assuming he doesn't work sunday but just do it whatever day he doesn't work). Same with house admin - take an hour on a saturday and do it all - you def don't need to be doing it until 9pm at night!

How old are your children?

Can you do dinner super early? Then clear up before you all go up for a bath whilst the kids potter/play/watch tv?

I make extra time by: batch cooking on weekends, laundry on timer to finish last thing at night and be hung out before bed with dehumidifier on.

I get up at 5 to do yoga, and either shower and dress straight after that, before DCs are up and while DH is at home, or after school run if I have nowhere to be (self employed, have DC3 with me on those days but she plays while I shower or comes in with me). Getting dressed before DCs are up means I can do hair/make up in between getting them ready. Swipe legs/armpits every few days with a razor, manicure with quick dry topcoat/drops every week or so (take off old varnish once it starts to chip if it isn't going to last the week so I don't look too homeless). Don't bother with facials etc, but do (double) cleanse, acid tone and moisturise every evening and wash and moisturise every morning, eat healthily, and am fairly lucky, so skin is fine and also doesn't need too much make up.

Basically, I found that the only way to make it happen was to make it as important as/more important than housework/chores etc. I had to prioritise myself instead of being permanently bottom of the pile.

dont wear nail varnish, as it needs too much maintenance. Short and clean for nails

You could always get a ladyshave to do dry shaving if its important to you. Not as smooth, but you dont need to do it in the shower then.

I think that maybe looking properly well groomed might be asking a bit much

How old are your kids? Could they play/go in bouncy chair while you showered in AM for five mins? Baby should be fine with this.

Both DH and me work, I'm out the house about 10.5 hours and DH is out 12, and we share chores (I do pick up, bath, bed etc). It just has to be done unfortunately.

What time does your dh leave for work? I wouldn't say I am exactly groomed but most days I wash and dry hair in the morning and put on v minimal makeup while dh is downstairs with the kids (he usually empties the dishwasher and bin at the same time). He leaves at 7ish and we have recently agreed that we each get a half hour in the morning to get ready while the other one is with the children (youngest is a toddler, the other ones would be fine on their own). Even if he won't do housework (which is ridiculous if he doesn't do any at all) he can hardly object to spending time with his own offspring?

I already do the double cleanse/skin routine whilst DC in the bath. This was a tip I picked up on mumsnet ages ago and it's a goodun!

I know my DH needs to do more. It's a battle I've been fighting for the last 3 years. Unfortunately SAHM is often synonymous with SAH-cleaner, SAH cook and so on. Anyone who isn't one generally thinks you should be able to get all the work done within 9-5 working hours and that it's part of the job description!

Anyway, I've taken a lot from this thread and am feeling much more positive. I think a miniscule maternity wardrobe isn't helping my looks but I'm on the home stretch now and look forward to being able to wear some of my old clothes again!

I use Nice n Easy root touch up whilst the kids are in their bath. It only needs to be on for 10 minutes.
I also use this time to pluck my eyebrows and wax upper lip if needed .

I jump in the bath with the kids and I stand at the shower end and rinse and get clean , then we all get out and dry off together, pjs on.

When the kids are tucked up in bed , I sit in the sofa and paint my nails.
I do this nightly as I can't stand chipped nails.

I also get my hair ombré / highlighted by a mobile hairdresser every few months ( the root touch up is just to keep the greys at bay in between ). This is much better as I can have the kids playing whilst I get my hair done.

I get up at 6 am most days , kids watch CBeebies whilst I do full face of make up and either pin up my hair or curl it with GHDs . ( I can do this in about 15 mins)

All of my clothes are laid out the night before down to underwear. If it's a work day it's uniform, if its a nonwork day , I have skinny jeans / top / ️scarf / accessories / bag all set out to be co-ordinated.

I have 2 DC and work 30 hours a week .
Regarding house work , I do it all as required. Washing is up to date , dishes done as soon as plates are cleared , a place for everything and everything in its place.
I have quite a clutter free home so this helps too.
I basically don't sit down til about 8pm at night though but think that this is just the norm of being a working parent 😁

Loadsablusher - can I be you please? You've definitely got it together.

Totally agree with you on the clutter free thing. We're nearly there with it and it's making a big difference.

Since my second one was born I've started to use a mobile hairdresser and beauty therapist. I get my brows and hair done every six week, booking the next appointment before she leaves. Toys, snacks and tv distract the children. It's not much but my hair is always cut and my brows are never terrible. There's no need to find a babysitter and its cheaper than going to a salon.
Good luck!

For me it has got easier now that my children are a little older (5 & 4). Have a look at the ideas on flylady regarding keeping the housework at bay. It's a funny site but there are some great tips, like doing today's jobs today and never letting it all pile up which is precisely when you'll feel like turning your back on it. I shower mornings whilst kids wait in their rooms for Gro clock to come on. Quick make-up in bathroom after shower, clothes laid out night before, quick hair dry. I have a short bob so it's easy. Then I help the kids get ready. I tidy breakfast away straight after and wipe table so everything is clean & ready for the next meal. I don't stop all day but at least I know my evening is my own.

Flylady looks helpful, thanks for that.

I think I need to go for a bob haircut to really cut down on drying time. I can't leave in beachy waves like one poster suggested - my unruly hair has to be blow dried