Can somebody explains jeans to me please?

[SaulGood]

After my PFB was born and mired in a postnatal fug, I went to buy some trousers. The criterion were they had to fit and preferably, be available from the first shop I went into. I went to TK Maxx iirc and buoyed by the need to feed the baby and the promise of trousers which would hide my post-CS apron, I tried on a grand total of one pair of size 12 jeans. They seemed to fit and they agreed to sell them to me. I was unaware at the time precisely how lucky I was.

It is eight years later. I love these jeans. With the exception of a pregnancy in the intervening years, I have worn them every week, at least once, since I bought them. They are massive round the waist as I'm actually a size 8 again but I tie them up with a head scarf. They might not fit round my somewhat decreased middle but they fit in all sorts of other metaphysical ways. They make me very happy. They're soft and worn and make me feel emotions usually inspired by the heady combination of gingerbread and David Mitchell. Sadly, they are tired. The bottoms have gone from frayed to ripped and as they really don't stay up as well as one might hope trousers on a middle-aged woman should, they drag on the floor more and more and they're protesting. The knees are torn, which means whenever I put them on and accidentally catch my toes in the hole, the children are treated to a rousing chorus of "oh buggering fuckety fuck". I have accepted that it's time to go no contact.

I went shopping. I bloody did. I have tried on no less than 27,000 pairs of jeans. I understood none of them. They clearly didn't understand me either. The terminology is boggling. Skinny, straight leg, low rise, boyfriend, boot cut, worn, torn, stonewash, twisted, dip dyed, distressed. DISTRESSED? I'm fucking distressed.

In a flash of inspiration, I tried googling the brand of my much loved, much missed pair of jeans and it turns out that "Roxy" only ever made one nice pair of jeans.

I don't want skinny jeans. I don't want to wrestle myself into my clothes. I want to pull them on and sigh at how comfortable they are. I also don't like them cut so low I'm partaking in an unintended strip tease every time I reach up to the top shelf for more stem ginger. I know I don't like boot cut because I experimented with it in 1989 and I'm just about over that experience. The ones I've tried on all seemed to be really inflexible, thick denim. Is it only washing a pair of jeans every Saturday for 8 years that makes them less cardboard-like?

I don't want them ridiculously baggy, or harem or whatever else I spotted in a shop the other day. I like them just normal. You know, not clinging, not baggy, just jeans. I have a pretty nice figure and I like the fact that my jeans fit me and I feel good in them, but they're not tight iyswim. Not cut low at the waist either, not up to my nipples, just normal. I like quite pale jeans. My much loved ones were v pale blue, stone wash I think. I don't mind grey jeans either. I don't like v dark blue. Oh and I went in Next too and every single pair I looked at was made out of weird, stretchy material. I don't like that either.

I've tried Sainsbury's and Tesco. I also looked in Gap. I have tried on lots and lots. The nicest I tried on were Sainsbury's low rise boyfriend jeans but the waistband wasn't uncomfortable. If I bought them, would that get better with washing them?

I don't have a lot of money and I genuinely only need one pair of jeans. Which shop do I go to and what am I looking for? I'm actually not as fussy as this thread makes me sound. I just want to be comfortable.

Having googled, boyfriend jeans do seem to be what I want but then this nonsense pops up and I think what I actually want is to never go shopping again. The shape is pretty close to what I want, but what's with the weird vents?

I really, really like these but £95?! They're very similar to my lovely Roxy jeans. So some like that (or with slightly less of a taper if possible, is that straight leg?) but I'd like to keep both kidneys.

Anybody still awake? Just name a shop and a style and I will go there and try them on.

Cant really help you with the jeans as not in UK, but I absolutely loved your post.

We get loads of Roxy clothing here in SA btw. Cant say I ever look in that range as its all a bit surfer dude stuff. I dare say this will change soon having a preteen girl in the house....

Wouldn't they be too dark BikeRunSki? Otherwise yes, very lovely and simple.

OP if you can get over the pale wash thing you could always look here.

Make sure you've an account at Travis Perkins,,you can still pay cash there and then - they charge a criminal amount if you walk in off the street.

what about these

www.whitestuff.com/womens/print-rooms/navy-sally-easy-jean/

www.surfdome.com/vila_jeans_-vila_crime_boyfriend_jeans-_light_blue_denim-217688

Still looking! I basically wear v tight, v dark skinny jeans so anything that looks like nothing I would wear I have linked to

www.tkmaxx.com/view-all-womenswear/light-blue-distressed-jean/invt/06052416

Classic 501s?

From looking at the photos I think you need to go old school with mens levis 501s.

My best ever ultra-comfy jeans were Firetrap Bdash Slouch jeans, kind of like these (see pic). I got them from Next about 5 years ago but having just Googled, they don't seem to be available any more, although there are some on Ebay.

I also like Paige Robertson jeans but they may be a bit flarey for you.

You are all wonderful and brilliant and I could kiss every one of you. I'm an introvert though, a British one at that and don't like public displays of affection, so I'll just nod awkwardly at you all in turn and blush furiously.

I'm really very bad at shopping. I genuinely don't bother with it usually. I buy most of my clothes (and that's the odd thing every 18 months) from charity shops which is handy because there are around 784 charity shops in my little market town. Sometimes I use ebay, mostly I make my own stuff from curtain fabric (oh you wish I was joking) or buy stuff online from fairtrade businesses in Nepal who pay organic goats to knit hemp. Something like that. I do genuinely own one pair of jeans and am mourning them. Most of my trousers are patchwork, tie dyed or embroidered with occasional bells on the bottom. Sadly, occupations such as spreading levelling compound whilst on my hands and knees or plastering the front wall requires something a little more sturdy. So jeans it must be.

Worry not btw, I am a paid up card-carrying member of Travis Perkins. I live in that blasted shop.

I am browsing all links...

Toast lose points for referring to them as a 'jean' and charging ££, presumably to fund their search for the missing 's'.

goodasitgets, those TK Maxx ones are absolutely brilliant. If I was being picky, I'd suggest the 'hamster has chewed a few almost unnoticeable holes in them' look irks me slightly but I am willing to overlook it for fit, colour, style etc. If they're on the TK Maxx website, are they likely to be in store?

Pixie, you've reminded me of the White Stuff shop. Being largely oblivious with regards to any kinds of clothes shop, you'd be surprised to know I am aware of this place. My SIL's DW is manager of one of their branches and she once sold me a pair of chinos at a ridiculously reduced price. I wore them until they fell apart. They were hands down the most comfortable pair of trousers ever. Those linked jeans are good from the front but I'm not sure about the pockets at the back. I like pockets to put my tissues, small toys, money, sunglasses, blu-tac, library card, paper clips and pebbles in.

The Fat Face ones seem like a possibility too so I shall go there. I will also go back to Gap and actually try on some jeans instead of feeling out of place and confused by some of the terminology. I may go to a bigger Next and see if they have some that aren't in that stretchy, good on Christmas Day after too much turkey fabric.

I really like those Mango ones too even though they're skinnier than I'd usually look at. I've not heard of Mango though. I will google and see if it is a place with actual stores.

I did see Primark mentioned. Is it absolutely imperative that I look in there? I'll do it. For the jeans. It's only, the one in our local city has two entrances/exits and somehow they aren't visible once you've stepped in store and then everything starts to narrow down to the piles of clothes on the floor and the people pressing closer to you and suddenly, you see one of the exits in the distance but somehow, inexplicably, it slides inexorably away from you and your ears start to ring and you break into a sweat and you sink to the floor and you crawl on your hands and knees, crying and begging for it to end. So, yeah. I might brave it. With a piece of string. Like Theseus.

I found Toast's missing s btw. It's in my thread title. I shall hold it to ransom and see if they'll give me a hefty discount on jeans in return.

There IS a shop called Mango locally. In a huge shopping centre. I went in there once too . Many, many shops.

Or, speaking of Theseus - you could just endlessly patch and repair your old jeans ...

Do you know, secretly, I want to do that.

DD suggested to me on World Book Day I could "wear those tatty old jeans and be Stig Of The Dump". I fear they're unsalvageable. Maybe with a bit of patchwork and some embroidered flowers? I wonder...

Yes, I had to go to Primark last weekend and I know exactly how you felt. I was losing the will to live after about twenty mins, but had to wait while the dss gathered arms full of clothes (all for £25 or something). According to him, everything in there is trendy by default.

Don't say I didn't warn you!

Great Posts, you should do a blog!

What about Levi's? They usually come in classic shapes.

I would suggest when you find the perfect pair, you buy a few!

Matalan site is down at the mo, but their straight leg jeans are great - read the reviews when the site is back up. They are in different lengths, and in light or dark wash, or black. And they are only a tenner, but are one of the best pairs of jeans I have and I have a lot.

Another vote for Gap Real Straight. They're skinny but not too much so. Gap seem to offer 40% non sale stock every three weeks - I've never paid more than about £35 a pair for mine.

Also thanks for a very very funny read, saulgood. I almost hope you don't find the jeans for a while...

I apologise for Toast's missing S. I got my jeans in their sale, but they are so good I would replace them at full price tomorrow if they got lost or damaged. I am always on the look out for a pair "in waiting". They often pop up on eBay for about a tenner.

I see that Primark has been mentioned. My next best jeans come from Primark by way of a charity shop (about 385 in my nearest town), but you may not be keen on the ethics of Primark (also Gap and other high street shops...) if you usually buy Pachamama/Black Yak/ Nomad's Needle stuff.

Pachamama, Nomads, Namaste, People Tree etc are my staples.

I haven't been in a Matalan for around 20 years. Do you still have to have a card? We have one locally and it's absolutely massive. I shall go there too.

I'm not sure about Levis. They seem very trendy. I remember when I went on a Spanish Exchange in 1995 and all the achingly hip Spanish students wore Levis (pronounced Leveeeeeeeeeez) and smoked little black cigarettes.

I toy with the idea of starting a blog sometimes but I have nothing to say about anything of note. Wittering about denim isn't going to entertain many people. The good folks of MN are kind to humour me tbh.

Definitely with you in the anti low rise movement. There's a time and a place for arse crack and its not when you have to pick something up off the floor.

Try Next men's straight jeans. Choice of colours, not too stretchy, waist actually at waist, actual waist sizes plus cater for shortos like me (5'4'' on a good day).

I generally pretend I'm buying them for a man, out of embarrassment at which waist size I'm looking at, but I can't imagine the shop people actually give a rat's arse if you buy off-gender.

I think Levi's would be the best match for what you want. They're not cheap but they fit really well.

Your fav pair are definitely boyfriend/straight leg, so I'd focus on those. You can get 'skinny boyfriends' which aren't skinny but they're a slightly less baggy than normal bfs.

Levi's sometimes turn up in TKMaxx, so it's worth keeping an eye on their website.

I've never thought about men's jeans before. That about doubles the shopping potential doesn't it? Do they fit okay on the waist? My SIL is v much a jeans and t-shirt sort of person. She rarely wears anything else but she always says she likes the style of men's jeans but they don't accommodate hips and bottoms like women's jeans. I'm 5ft 4" on a very good day too.

I haven't managed to look at the jeans on the Levi site. I am stuck on the Festival Style page. Those aren't festival clothes. At a festival your concerns are, can I move freely in this in a large group of people whilst pushing my way to the front to sing along madly with my favourite band? Does it matter if I spill my plastic cup of drink down the front of me? How much mud will the hems pick up and will they fit in my wellies? Is there a pocket in which to put my signed CDs? Will it fold up small in my bag along with my wellies and mess tins? Will it cope with the weather which will be hot, cold, rainy, windy, sweaty and humid all on the same afternoon. That sort of thing. Levi as a brand has very much gone down the route of denim hot pants, little vest top, massive Stetson or daisies in hair, trendy wellies and some temporary tattoos. That's not a festival. It's a fashion parade. That's Radio 1 does festivals. I am not nearly trendy enough for Levis.

Although I like these.

So you can contemplate non-pastel clothing?

Progress.