Crepey wattle and daub

[herbaceous]

At last! I get to use my thread title.

Over here, my hags.

Oh golly. They are rather nice. I've now got my heart set on these beauties. I'm wondering if I can put them on the credit card, in the event of getting good feedback for my assignment. Feedback was due yesterday.

So all in all she has not left the house in months and carers are coming in to wash her because she cannot get to her own bathroom. Where she could also have privacy and dignity for dealing with stoma.

Both my teens have the trad 3 stripe Adidas, but DDs are white with black stripes.

Stair lift sounds a good idea - apparently they can fit them very quickly. Might need to get one for DM too.

As ever, the solutions that would work with sane normal people honestly don't apply here.

Ooh Herbs, I like them!

Sympathies MI

Well, he might listen to her and certainly won't listen to anyone else re moving - had flaming row with DSis, declaring he "hoped he dies in that house". She bit back the obvious response.

Oh god MI that sounds monumentally crap". My dad did everything he could (think handrails everywhere) for my mum. It's still difficult, but he knows she can't make a cup of tea (can't lift the kettle) so he leaves lunch and a drink all made for her - still crap, but at least he's trying....

MI - that sounds so difficult for your mum . What does she say not being able to get to the bathroom? Do you think she would move if your dad agreed?

Rose - about your script! How very satisfying (and exciting)! Would love to come to one of the rehearsed readings if you let us know where and when.

Am def going to have some of those trainers. Lime green, maybe.

coloured trainers new crepey dress code? orange or green for me

congrats Rose! me too to coming to rehearsed reading if that was ok

MI - that sounds hard - what does your mum say?

I think one of the problems with getting older is that you need to move house before you actually have to. When my Dad died suddenly, my mother was left in a house that was much too big, with 3/4 acre of garden, part of which was a very productive orchard. She sold it to a developer, who ripped her off, pulled down the house, ripped up all the trees, and built nasty "executive homes" on the plot. She and my Dad had been talking about moving for years, but had done nothing about it. It would have been much better, and easier had they moved somewhere more manageable earlier. It was the same with my uncle, who was rattling round in his vast house, not wanting to move. It's taking the decision and doing something about it that's difficult, although my parents' experience did spur on some of their friends to downsize sooner rather than later.

You are right MrsS and I think DM should probably move, but she was dead against it last time I asked her and I'm not sure what the best alternative would be

Oh God, let's make a pact to tell each other to get a fricking grip when we need telling so as not to be monumental worries for our dc when we get beyond crepey...

Yes! to mass Crepey lairy trainer purchasing and double Yes! to Crepey read through of Roses's play. Fantastically well done Rose!

Totally on for a pact. DP and I found ourselves talking about this the other day. Yes, it's facing head-on the nasty facts of age and incapacity - but it's also saying soddit, I don't want to be disabled by my environment.

There are plenty of flats or houses where DM would be able to use the bathroom, potter into the garden, even do a bit of cooking....as far as I'm concerned - and apparently her too - it's a no-brainer.

Mrs S - you are so right about house move, although there was something very sad about our neighbours downsizing to a bungalow. I imagine myself in a little cottage with roses round the door like Godfrey from Dad's Army (not that I know how to grow roses).

MI - that's very difficult with your parents and a terrible worry.

Crem - I do hope everything went OK yesterday.

Rose - Many congratulations - will have to try to make a London trip for the grand premier.[smile

It is 9.40 am here DH has gone shopping, and DD2 to her maths class. No sign whatsoever of DD1 and DS! We are going to our favourite Chinese for lunch as is the family tradition for the end of term.

I am having great fun planning DD1's interrail trip - talk about vicarious enjoyment! My job is finding good hostels!

My mother has a small bungalow. She loves it. It is right on the edge of a village, so she can walk to the shops, doctor, train. It's near a bus stop, so she can go to the nearest town. Because it is on the edge of the village, she has a nice view of fields. It's easy for her to keep clean, and the garden is very manageable. She has nice neighbours (which is lucky because she has fallen out with most of her friends, and those she hasn't fallen out with are dead).

I think it must be very difficult to leave your family home, but as I've moved house (and, usually, country) every 3-4 years, I've never felt terribly attached to anywhere. I liked my grand Paris apartment, and my huge house in the Belgian countryside, but I didn't feel particularly sad to leave them.

MI - sorry your dad is the real sticking point about the house, when it's not even him that is sick. What would he do if the carers stop coming? If he were faced with having to do everything for your mum vs moving, what would happen, do you think?

My dad moved to a bungalow with a loft conversion (so there were two bedrooms and a bathroom downstairs and two little ones and a bathroom in the roof space) after my mother died and it was a brilliant move. He left it a bit late and the family house went slightly to ruin around him but he wasn't ready to go before that. He only had a couple of years in the new house, but it was perfect for him, room for all his books, he could potter about, have friends for lunch (he used one of the downstairs bedrooms as a dining room, gotta keep up standards, right?) do a bit of gardening but not be a slave to the mower. It was close to the previous house so all his friends were nearby. He was lucky to find a place that didn't make him feel like he was massively downsizing, but then he was quite a practical man, so that helped.

Dh and I are planning a lock-up-and-leave flat for retirement - safe block, lift, roof terrace for some plant pots, and a service charge to take care of all the crap stuff. At one point we thought this utopia might be overlooking the Thames somewhere, but hahahahahahaha to that now. But we certainly won't be able to run this house in retirement or even past the next 10 years (although in my un-PC moments I have pleasant little fantasies of dd having her wedding reception here - she looks beautiful, the garden looks great and she's marrying a good, kind, responsible man who cooks, cleans up baby puke, is hilariously funny, massively cultured, but who can still put up shelves and unblock drains when required). I do like it round here these days though so even when we move, I think it will be S. London til I die.

MI that sounds very hard indeed. Silly question but has the social services OT done a home assessment? Even my parents who are in a flat (thank heavens made the move before they needed it…although sadly, I think they need to go to the next stage i.e. sheltered housing, about which they are pooh-poohing at the moment...) were assessed and got various rails fitted. Stairs/steps would also be looked at, shower accessibility etc. Sorry if you've already been there…not meaning to state the obvious!
I have every intention of moving further into town for my old age (not far off…) once we don't need the suburban house any more. DH looks at me as if to say, "In your dreams woman…" but I have my eye on Regents Park, Hampstead, Primrose Hill or St Johns Wood…. and getting taxis everywhere Dream on….

Hatty I remember my brother going inter railing. Two funny stories come to mind…one about a very religious boy with whom he was travelling…who wouldn't carry his own bags on the sabbath and lit candles in the hostel on Fri night, setting off the smoke alarms ... and another incident where they got locked into a (Lloyds??) cashpoint lobby somewhere in Paris at a weekend, and had to leap up and down and shout until someone got the police to get them out…

Thank you lovely Laydeez, for your nice comments about having finished the script. Yes, Monty that's ConS…although it's a fb weird profile picture. We had to high five one another in the middle of the caff on scribing the last "Lights Down" ….we've been writing in there most weeks for about a year….one day we'll have to tell the waiters what we've been up to! Once I have news of the readings, I'll report back. Our own theatre one is likely to be staff only, as being arranged by HerrD, (who has suddenly got very interested again and cast himself in one of the parts…) but the one I'm arranging with a director friend/colleague will have an audience. By the way, I am looking for a (dirt cheap/free) venue for the latter….probably for a Sunday late afternoon, like 5-9pm…preferably Norf of the river and very near a tube station…. any ideas…?

It is sad, but the sadness is about age and potential disability - I really would rather live somewhere I can get around and get outside from...

DM is not surprisingly feeling v low about this. But she could, as DSis says, force a sale and she is the only person he'll listen to anyway. So she has to step up to the plate really.

They're also being totally head-in-the-sand about a planned trip to Yorkshire for her 80th, a family gathering; again, my father seems to think that by July she'll be up to sitting in the car (and he is a terrible driver) for most of the day. He also says idiot things like "I could take you out in the wheelchair, just pushing you over the gravel at the front of the house" - ffs I wouldn't push a buggy with a toddler in it over that gravel. And at the same time rather obvious solutions like, for instance, a path or just a bit of sodding boarding to get the wheelchair over that, seem to have occurred to neither of them.

Rose, many many congratulations. What an achievement .

MI, sounds so hard on your and your dsis as well as your dm. It is another double whammy of this kind of illness isn't it? It demands adaptability and willingness to confront change, at a time when those resources are so over-stretched for other reasons. It must be so frustrating to watch for you.

South London forever here too Wilbur. I too had dreams of the Thames, but think may stay put. We never upsized so we won't have to downsize.

Gin delivery just arrived and I am off to meet dd out of her job interview and browse some second hand bookshops .

Rose, I think it's actually quite unlikely they've an OT assessment since my father's hip operation (the irony is that he can't walk very easily either these days, let alone do sodding stairs). VG point.

They're now paying for care, Wilbur, so that bit is covered (though again, stupidly to have stuff done she would rather do for herself - she would need some assistance but not so much!).

The other thing about having time to plan ahead is you can look for somewhere nice. I was walking back through Norwich and looking at various city-centre nice conversions and thinking "a ground floor flat there would be nice".

I can't imagine living anywhere other than Sarf East Landan either. But I do fancy a very modern, light, minimalist flat, all on one level and there aren't many of them about round here!
Have been browsing retirement/care homes for DM, but I'm not sure if she will be willing to move...

Lalsy, that sounds lovely. Especially the gin. And DD too, of course

DD and I are off to watch DGodD play hockey soon - I seem to have managed to convince DS not to come, and he needs to sort out his room anyway for a new bed (and decorating hopefully) over the holidays.

I want to retired t the coast.......
Here a wedding, then Dp is taking Ds to his mothers for the first bit of the hols so just me a DDog tonight

Oooh, an empty house, BD. I would like one of those for a bit. We are all home this afternoon and evening, plus the builders, plus a random friend of dh's (who he met on the internet, would you believe? ) is coming to use our garage for some kind of bicycle-related project. Not forgetting the mice, who are pretty much at the stage of coming out to watch tv on the sofa next to us and see if there are any posh crisps going.

Enjoy the gin, lalsy - glad to hear you're staying South too. One day when life is less frantic we can take tea in Brockwell Park. I quite fancy that area as a final destination as I'd like to be able to walk to a cinema for a nice matinee showing - what do you reckon, about 20 mins to walk to the Ritzy from there?

BTM - it's the all on one level bit that is hard to find. There are lots of groovy flats but with spiral metal staircases up to mezzanines which are not retiree-friendly. I'm sure that's why mansion blocks retain their value so easily - they are the perfect set up for wobbly old ladies.

My Nike Flex 4 Black and fuscia trainers have arrived!! Vair pleased, oh yes.