Appropriate wear for a catholic funeral

[Lambzig]

I lost someone close at the weekend. Please don't think me shallow, but I just want to be dressed appropriately and I haven't got a clue.

I have to go to the catholic funeral next week. The last one I went to was 15 years ago and secular and we were asked to dress in bright colours. I don't think I have been to one in any church before (not a religious family) and I assume it would be more formal.

I have heard that it's not appropriate to wear black any more unless next of kin. Just dark colours. Is this true? My stepmother thought hats were needed for a church funeral? A sober coloured dress and jacket?

I just want to dress unobtrusively and inoffensively and think about my friend.

I am sure I have something appropriate to wear in my wardrobe already, just want to know what that is. Any help much appreciated.

You are not being shallow, you are being thoughtful and respectful. I have been to many Catholic funerals and hats are not necessary. I'd just wear something smart and try not to wear black. Sorry about your friend

I am sorry for your loss.

I won't answer your question because I am in Ireland and I gather that our funerals are different to those in the UK.
I just wanted to say that you are not at all shallow. I did it myself when I lost my mother and I've seen others do it. We focus on what to wear partially as a diversion and partially as a coping mechanism. It seems to be part of the grieving process.

I'm sure someone else will give you an idea of what to wear. I very much doubt that a hat would be appropriate tbh.

Hi. It's still appropriate to wear black to the funeral even if you're not family. Most people try to be smart, so men usually wear a dark suit/black tie, women usually wear black/dark trousers/skirt and either a black, dark or white top and a dark jacket/coat if you have one. Most people don't wear hats.

The mass can be a bit confusing if you've not been before - standing/sitting/kneeling at different times, but just copy what the people in front of you do. You wouldn't normally go up to the priest when other people are going up for communion unless you wanted a blessing, in which case you just walk up with one or both of your arms folded across your chest.

HTH. Sorry for your loss.

I've never heard the not wearing black thing, I have my grandfathers catholic funeral next week and have just ordered a black dress! I'm pregnant so finding anything was a struggle really.

Dark colours and generally sensible clothes are fine. I don't think hats are a necessity. Generally people aren't all that interested in what other people are wearing (unless they came in a bright pink bikini ).

I've never heard that only next of kin should wear black. And I have sadly been to a lot of funerals, particularly in the last few years. Even the non-church ones I went to, most people wore black. I am in Wales, where we have a more religious culture and are perhaps more traditional than in England, so I would think the general dress code here would work for a Catholic funeral. Wear black. Skirts should cover the knees, and everything should look smart (shoes polished etc, that sort of thing). I always wear a hat to a funeral, and to any formal church service, and you may find that is expected in a Catholic church. Not everyone wears hats, but many do, and certainly all the older women. If you dress for a smart formal occasion, then you will look appropriate. Think wedding, but black, and sober. So gloves, hat possibly, smart coat, a white or cream shirt or blouse is fine, as is grey, but no colour. And then skirts, trousers, or dresses should be black. If you really don't have any black and can't borrow anything then dark grey or navy might be acceptable, but most people will wear black I imagine. In fact the last one I went to was a completely non religious service in a theatre, but we were still asked to wear black as a mark of respect, and it was a funeral for a younger woman (my friend) and an arty family, but the dress code was still black. I have only been to two where the code was different, and that was specified before hand. One was a cild's funeral where we were told we could wear onesies if we liked, particularly the youngsters, and one where we wore a touch of the person's favourite colour ( a scarf etc) but still wore black overall.

Most people do wear black or dark colours although a white top is fine under a dark or black coat/jacket/cardi.
Really nobody will take a notice nor care as long as it is respectful.

I keep seeing that black isn't worn at funerals anymore...it is at every one I've ever been to, including two in the last year, sadly.

So black and not casual is what I always wear, something that's usually classed as workwear or office clothing.

Hats - not in my experience, that's possibly from the whole thing of women having covered heads in church? But that is something that's no longer usually done.

I'm Catholic, and I think that SirVix's clothing expectations are way above and beyond the Catholic norm. No one, in my extensive experience of Catholic funerals, will expect you to wear a hat or gloves, to obey a very restrictive dress code, or to look particularly glossy or well-turned out. Dress fairly conservatively in dark/sober colours, that's it. The last funeral I went to, I wore a grey wrap dress under a black swing coat with a grey, patterned scarf at the neck, and boots. No one is going to think you're 'muscling in' as next of kin of you wear black.

At my brothers funeral barely anyone wore black, but thats because he was 27 and we didn't want a sea of black everywhere. At all of the other funerals I've been to (except where it has been specified otherwise) people have worn black.

The last two funerals I went to - last month - I wore exactly the same thing. Black coat (my normal coat) black trousers (my normal work trousers) and black 'business casual' jumper (not chunky). One was at a catholic church (I'm a catholic, it was my parish) one was at a crew (my MIL). I didn't look out of place at either funeral.

CREM. Not crew. Bloody autocorrect.

I'm sorry for your loss too.

I'm catholic and attended a funeral last month, black or dark colours are fine there's no special wear for next of kin, some people also had colours on but nothing loud. No-one wore a hat. I think the key is to remember that it's a respectful occasion so don't turn up in clubbing clothes unless it is specifically requested!

Thank you so much everyone, that's really helpful.

Ok.

I have a very very muted dark forest green below knee tailored (not clingy) work dress that has a black waistband and a black tailored jacket I can wear over it with black stockings and shoes.

I also have a navy wrap dress and navy tailored jacket.

I have a dark grey wrap dress too, but it can't really be worn with a jacket, but if it's a warm day.

It sounds from your descriptions that either of those would be OK? With the former being a bit more formal and probably the best choice?

All your options sound great OP. Go in whichever you feel comfortable in.

Black is definitely worn at Catholic funerals. I've never seen anyone in a hat though, that might be seen as trying to be a bit showy.

All your outfit options sound appropriate though.

I agree, all of those sound fine.

I tend to wear black, navy or grey or a mixture of those to funerals.
For my dads I wore a black top, black cardi and a navy, black and grey skirt.
For my aunts I wore a grey dress.
I would always wear dark or muted colours unless specifically asked not to.

Firstly, I am sorry for your loss. Secondly, you are not being shallow. You are a considerate and respectful person.

As a Catholic, I can assure you that wearing black and dark grey is still entirely appropriate for funerals. It is not just reserved for immediate family. My grandmother died in 2009, and most people were dressed in black, and there were quite a few hats, too.

Very sorry for your loss.
Please be assured that there is no Clothes Police at a Catholic funeral. Just wear something sober and unremarkable. Your presence there will be appreciated.

I've been to loads of Catholic funerals and in my experience they're no more formal than any other. I would just wear something reasonably sober and unobtrusive, no need for black (although it's fine if you want to). I've never known people wear hats. No-one will be looking you up and down and and all your outfits sound fine. Very sorry for your loss.

Ive been to plenty catholic funerals. Black is fine. You dont need to wear a hat. In fact, the funerals i have been to very few, except the elderly, wear hats.

I have sadly been to quite a few funerals and always worn black but wore blue when a dear relative requested that when she died she wanted everyone to wear blue at her funeral.

I have once worn a hat to a Requiem Mass, but that was mainly because it was in an unheated cathedral in the middle of winter and I didn't want to freeze! It was a rather grand affair (death of the last surviving Allied General from WWII) but most women didn't wear hats and most folk just wore "smart" clothes.

Dark coloured clothes are fine. Not aware of any rules governing who can wear black